Unknown
by YB Fan
Summary: Taichi muses on his unknown, unrequited love for Yamato, unaware it might actually not be unrequited. Taito, slight Sorato.
1. The Unknown X

I fell in love when I was eleven. In a world of survival where you could be eradicated into data anytime, I discovered love instead of death.

Which, in hindsight, is probably a good thing. Love or Death- which would you choose? Love, obviously.

But maybe not if it's unrequited love.

Now, where was I? Oh yeah, I fell in love. Looking back, I guess it was kind of ironic. Being the leader of a group of kids your age and leading them to survival, and somehow being enough of an idiot to fall in love along the way, with none other than the loner of the group. Who didn't even know friendship.

And unfortunately, the loner of your group is a wonder- blonde hair, blue eyes so deep you could just fall into them, just staring. Blue eyes so cold most people would just have to be satisfied looking from afar. A very pretty wonder.

But, this isn't some fairytale or some anime. This is my life. I'm not the courageous leader (well, I am) who fell in love with the cold, pretty blonde girl of his group. I'm the stupidly courageous leader who fell in love with the cold, mysterious pretty blond boy of his group.

And he doesn't even know.

Apparently, the 'courageous leader' wasn't courageous enough to let his best friend and rival know about his feelings.

In short, he was being a coward.

Yeah. The 'stupidly courageous leader' is courageous enough to venture into the unknown, stand up against digital monsters he's never seen before (with the help of his trusty digimon partner of course), be the first one to activate his Crest; of _Courage_, encourage the group in bleak times, bla bla. But he wasn't, and isn't courageous enough to let the guy he loves know about his feelings.

But I suppose that requires a different kind of courage.

In the Digital World, there's no distinction. Whether you're short, tall, a girl or guy, pretty, handsome or not you still have to fight for survival. Like I said, this isn't some sort of fairytale, I'm not some handsome prince who fell in love with a pretty blonde damsel in distress. Hell, he's far from a damsel in distress. In fact, he saved me from Piedmon so I guess that makes me the 'damsel in distress'?

Haha, that almost makes me laugh.

Roles like that are so cliché. And though I wish, my life isn't cliché. It's real. There was no kiss of true love (remember, the 'prince' is a coward), just trust and friendship. And that's great and all. I mean, I was speaking the truth, I did truly believe in him. I didn't know that would bring tears to his eyes but I'm glad I said it.

No, I'm not a sadist. Those were happy tears. I should know. I know.

And they were the most beautiful thing I ever saw in both worlds.

But that's in the past. Those eyes are of course still beautiful but they're no longer directed to me.

Sometimes, I wish I could return to the past. I would go through that twisted survival game again just to keep that close bond we had.

It's kind of ironic, I guess I never really wanted to be in the Digital World in the first place. If you knew me then, you would be surprised. I'm the one who was always encouraging the group, pushing us to go forward, and I was as reluctant as the rest to be in the unknown world.

But over time, I guess it's become a sort of refuge to me. The world that's almost like a fantasy but is real; being in it allowed me to forget about reality for a while.

Until reality came crashing down in the beautiful form of Ishida Yamato.

Ishida Yamato. Yeah, that Ishida Yamato. He is the love of my life.

Ishida Yamato, pretty, mysterious blond wonder.

Yeah, it kind of fits.

Yagami Taichi, stupidly courageous idiot leader and Ishida Yamato, pretty, mysterious, blond wonder.

Nope. That doesn't fit at all.

I'm sure you know who Ishida Yamato is. But if you don't know, look over there. See that tall, prettily handsome blond guy laughing with those guys? See those sparkling, no longer cold blue eyes but are so deep you could still just fall into them? See that perfect hair? Hear that musical laugh? Those light footsteps in that casual stride?

That's Ishida Yamato. Those guys are his bandmates. He's the lead singer of the Teenage Wolves. Heard of them before? It wouldn't be a surprise.

So, that's him. That's Ishida Yamato, the love of my life.

So, who am I?

I'm his best friend of course, Yagami Taichi; Ishida Yamato's best friend.

At least, I'm supposed to be his best friend.

He's looking over at me now, I can tell even if I wasn't looking at him. His face is lighting up in this splendid way. A smile is curving those lips I've stared at way too many times to be healthy, and his beautiful blue eyes are shining- at me.

"Hey, Taichi!"

It's almost pathetic how I'm rendered breathless just by his mere expression alone.

"Hey Yamato." I say pathetically, breathlessly as he makes his way over to me.

He looks at me in amusement, "Just finished soccer practice?"

Do I really sound that breathless? "Yeah."

He laughs his tinkling, musical laugh and grins at me, and my stupid, courageous or not heart skips that damn beat. Again.

"Hey guys!" He shouts over, "You guys head off first! I'm going home with Taichi!"

I try really hard not to think of how wrong that sounds.

Get your mind out of the damn gutter, Yagami Taichi.

"So," Yamato says as he turns back to me as we walk forth. He's smiling, and I try to concentrate on his words, "How was soccer practice?"

I blink, then grin, "Great!" I say as I place my hands behind my head, a classic gesture of mine, "We're gonna beat that other school flat!"

He laughs, and I try to ignore that skip of my heart again, "I know you guys will," he says confidently, and my grin widens, "How could they not, when they have Yagami Taichi on their team?"

It's little moments like these which make me feel this love, unrequited as it is, is worth it. These moments when we're together, when I'm with him and he's with me. Whatever we're doing, chatting, eating, hell, even doing homework, it makes me happy 'cause, well, it's him. And I love being with him. Cheesy, but true.

"True, true." I say with the confidence he makes me feel. I know the smile on my face is a genuine one when I turn to him, "Will you be coming to watch me play this Saturday?"

His expression falters then, and just like that, I know I said something I shouldn't have. I've done something wrong again.

It's almost unnoticeable if you don't know him as well as I do. He doesn't frown, his face just, falls a little, his eyebrows furrow and then he looks at me apologetically, "Sorry Taichi," he's biting his lip, "I have a date with Sora."

Oh. "Oh." I say.

I think he must have seen me deflate, because he corrects, "But, did you tell her about your game?" He's asking me, "I'm sure she'd like to watch it too."

Sora. Soccer. Right, I used to play soccer with Sora. She was my soccer buddy.

"Ah, I didn't." I say distractedly.

He doesn't question me, instead saying, "Then, I'll tell her," Yamato is saying almost reassuringly. He grins at me, "She'll have no problem postponing our date to watch you play."

"Yeah, and you guys can go on your date afterwards."

"True."

I smile, but I know it must be a weak smile, as Yamato looks concerned, "Taichi?"

"Yeah," I say again. He blinks and I shake my head, "Sorry, I just remembered I have to get home early. I'll be going off first, okay?"

We're outside the school now, and he's looking at me. There's this intense expression on his face which almost makes me afraid, paranoid that he's discovered how I truly feel about him. It's late afternoon, almost evening, and the shadows cover one side of his face, contrasting with his perfect blond hair, slanting to the side and almost making me feel a sense of apprehension.

"…Alright." He says, and I imagine I must have imagined the flash of disappointment in his eyes because he's smiling again. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"…Yeah." I say after a moment of silence in which I spend just staring at him.

He smiles at me again, and I'm torn between what to feel. "Bye Taichi." He says and turns, then walks away.

"Bye Yamato." I reply.

He raises a hand in acknowledgement, and I'm still staring at him even when he puts his hand down. That's all I do- stare at him, stare at his back, his lean, slender figure, his golden hair swaying in the light breeze.

Stare at him as he walks away from me. Stare and do nothing.

I bite my lip and sigh softly. I take in his perfect form one last time then turn, walking away in the opposite direction. So much for the courageous leader.

It's my fault really, because I'm the one distancing myself from him. But I guess that's because I feel distant.

And it's normal to feel that way, kind of distant from your best friend when he's dating a girl. But in my case, it's a bit different. Because I'm still stupidly in love with my best friend who's now dating a girl. A girl we both know. Sora.

This sounds childish, but I didn't really think it would happen. Yamato's always been cold, though he's much more open and warmer now. But for some reason, I never envisioned him going out with a girl. He'd never shown any real interest in girls in the past, in Sora or Mimi, as far as I could tell. I guess it was because in the past, it was just him and me. Yamato and Taichi. Taichi and Yamato.

But now, it's not Taichi and Yamato. Not even Taichi and Sora. It's Yamato and Sora, and Taichi's all alone.

Yamato's grown up and pursuing his own life, his own love life. And Yagami Taichi, stupid, courageous idiot is still stuck in his unrequited love for his best friend.

I look behind one last time, and then turn back around. Seeing him walk away just like that makes me want to run back to him, grab him and shout out my feelings to him for everyone to hear.

But I don't.

The distance between us has become real, from the metaphysical into the physical, and it remains in my mind all the way home.

* * *

Even if I wasn't mathematically inclined, I'd still be able to put two and two together.

Best friend plus female childhood friend, what does that equal?

Distant friend who's apart from both his best friend and childhood friend.

Hmmm, maybe that isn't such an accurate mathematical illustration.

But now let's do some integration, what do you get when you integrate love into the equation?

Let's have the equation as **y** = 2_**x**_. Differentiate 2_**x **_and you'll get two. Two – Sora and Yamato.

And well, since integration is the opposite of differentiation, integrate two and you'll get back 2_**x**_. And let's say _**x**_ represents 'Idiot Taichi'. Say we integrate (with unrequited love obviously), so the unknown _**x**_ would actually be 'Idiot Taichi in unrequited love'.

There's a reason why _**x**_ is unknown. Why _**x**_ is a constant.

So, by integrating two with respect to _**x**_, you'll be getting back 2_**x**_. Aka Sora and Yamato times Idiot Taichi in unrequited love.

I guess this is why Integration and Differentiation have never been my favorite topics.

So, whether it's integration or differentiation idiot Taichi will still be in unrequited love. Simply put, whether he's with Sora and Yamato (integrated) or away from them (differentiated) he will still be in unrequited love with the latter. The only difference is that differentiating with respect (Hahaha) to the unknown _**x**_, will be taking away the 'idiot Taichi in unrequited love' and leaving Sora and Yamato.

But that doesn't mean just because it's ignored and still unknown and differentiated away from the equation, idiot Taichi is no longer in unrequited love.

Because he still is.


	2. Integration: Stage 1

I got back my Maths Test for Differentiation and Integration today.

I forgot that damn 'C' again.

A certain someone leans in close and says in amusement, "Didn't get full marks this time, Yagami?"

"Shut up Ishida," I say good naturedly, and I grin as he laughs, "I just forgot the damn C."

"You always do," he says, and I look at him. "I should have made a bet with you."

He smiles at me angelically, and I try to ignore the pounding of my heart. Damn Ishida Yamato's pretty face.

"That's it," I say, trying to keep a straight face and prevent myself from melting into a pile of idiotic goo, "I'm not teaching you Maths anymore."

His face falls, "What!_?_" Yamato exclaims, his blue eyes wide, "Taichi!"

Yes! Impromptu Operation Stop Ishida Yamato from Looking So Sexy (SIYFLSS) is a Success! Heh, score one for Yagami!

It's my turn to give him an angelic, innocent smile, "Yes, Yamato?" Take that, Ishida!

He pouts at me as we walk along the hallway and I falter. I'm sure he must see my resolve weakening in my expression as he gets closer to me and I _swear_, practically bats his eyelashes, "Taichi, you promised…"

Oh God No.

"W-What?" I say, trying hard not to stutter but ending up doing so anyway as he continues making that adorably pitiful expression.

…Score 10 (square) for Ishida.

Yamato looks like he wants to smirk (that smug bastard) but he keeps his lips downturned in his pouty (deadly) expression as he says in a sad voice that makes me want to hug him, (Must Not. Hug. Yamato.) "Remember how down I was after I failed that Maths test?" He blinks blue eyes at me. "And you promised me you would be my personal tutor from then on?"

Tutor…personal tutor. In wha- oh, yeah. Maths. Right. _Maths_.

Damn Yamato, he always makes everything sound so suggestive!

…Or is it just me?

Yamato's still staring at me with sad blue eyes. He's the perfect actor, with the sad eyes which blink innocently at me, the slumped shoulders, and those pouty, kissable lips…

Must. **Not**. Go. In. That. Direction. Yagami.

"R-Right." I say none too eloquently as I lean away, but my gaze is drawn to his lips, "I did."

His lips curl, as his blue eyes shine in satisfaction, "You did," he says confidently, straightening. "So?"

He's no longer pouting (thank God) but looking expectantly at me. I blink, and he blinks, then widens his blue eyes at me. Innocently.

That's it. Yagami Taichi is out of the game. _Out_. And he's staring (as usual) at the (usual) winner Ishida Yamato who is blinking (purposefully) innocent blue eyes.

That's cheating, Yamato! _Stop_ looking at me like that!

…How can I not give in?

"So," I say dazedly, under the spell he has unknowingly (or knowingly) cast on me, "I will teach you Maths."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'll continue to teach you Maths."

"Really?"

"Of course," I say as I stare at him. He blinks at me and I say, almost automatically, "I promise."

Yamato blinks one last time, then smiles widely, "Thanks, Taichi." He says, with the satisfaction of the cat who caught the canary.

And the enchanted canary is still staring at the sinfully pretty cat when he purrs, "So, your house or mine?"

…What?

"What?"

He smirks at me and I feel my face heat up. "Your house or mine?" He says again, casually, and I feel my face heat up even more, "You promised to help me with Maths."

…Oh. _Oh._

I find myself really wishing that he would stop looking so…sexy while saying such suggestive things. He isn't doing it intentionally (I think) but he's sent my mind spiraling around that damn gutter too many times to count!

Yamato tilts his head, and I reply, "Y-Yours."

Yamato opens his mouth to speak but I speak first, reason and logic returning to my mind, "Wait, but I have soccer practice, so I don't think-"

"Ah, I know that," he says smoothly. He smiles charmingly at me. Like some Prince Charming. Prince Charming in a teenage band. "I don't have band practice today so I'll come and watch you."

He's smiling as if he's satisfied, even _pleased_ with his decision and I stare. Watch me? I try to imagine the scene, Yamato in the bleachers as we practice soccer. Yamato with his pretty hair and deep blue eyes and gorgeous smile watching me leisurely, just him, watching me…

…If that happens, I won't be able to focus and I'll get smacked upside the head by Coach for sure! He'll yell something like, "Yagami, what the hell are you doing?_!_ Why are you so distracted today_!_?" And then what the hell can I say? "Sorry Sir, but my pretty best friend whom I'm in love with is sitting there and I can't concentrate."?

And if I say that, Coach would stomp over to Yamato and say to his face, "Hey pretty boy, you're distracting our star player who claims he's in love with you so I want you to leave right _now_." Yeah, he _would_. And then Yamato would look at me in shock and I wouldn't know where to hide my face! I'd die of pure embarrassment! I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye ever _again_.

…Definitely not. No, that wouldn't be a good situation at _all_!

"Ah…" I say, sweating slightly, "I don't think that's a good idea…"

"Why not?"

"B-Because the competition is on Saturday and we can't afford any distractions…"

Yamato blinks. "I'm a distraction?" He says, surprised.

Duh. You're Ishida Yamato! How can _you not_ be a distraction?

I guess I must be looking at him a little disbelievingly because he blinks and coughs, "Well," he says a little abashedly. "I suppose I will be to the guys who believe I stole their girlfriends away." He shrugs, smirking slightly. "It's not my fault though."

Yeah and I suppose it's not your fault you'll be a distraction to me too.

"So anyway," I say to distract myself from any wayward, inappropriate thoughts and prevent myself from doing something stupid like pouting 'cause it's not even his fault he's a distraction, "I don't think you should come and watch," I shrug, "I mean, I don't want to waste your time too."

He looks at me. "Don't be silly, Taichi," he's smiling but his voice is low, "Watching you is never a waste of my time."

…I try to tell myself that _wasn't_ what it was supposed to sound like. It's just me again. Yup, just me and my mind in that damn gutter.

"But yeah," he says, looking slightly away as I stare at him, "I suppose I should use the time to go through the test again before I ask you," he looks back to me with a wry smile. "I don't want to waste your time either."

"It's not a waste of time, Yamato." I manage. It's never a waste of time, Yamato. In fact, it's far from that. Time spent with you- they're either the best or worst moments of my life. And even if they're the worst, it's my fault, not yours.

But I turn my thoughts away from that direction for there's a more important matter at hand, "Hey Yamato," I say, "Why don't we study at the school library instead?"

"Why?"

"Because..." I trail off, but he cuts me off.

"You know I'm not really fond of the library, Taichi," he says, lips pursed, "Not only is _he_ there, but there are always girls staring at me," he sighs as if it's a bother, "And it's not a bad thing, but I don't need that kind of attention when I'm studying. I'd like some peace."

…Right. Good point. I'll probably be distracted by those girls staring at my Yamato (wait, he's not mine)- I mean, Yamato, too. And neither of us wants to face the grumpy librarian either. The glare Yamato gave him could have frozen ice. Seriously, I swear he has a stick up his ass. Scolding and yelling at people for talking in the library when his voice is so loud it disturbs the peace and quiet. Where's the logic in that?

"So," Yamato is saying. He turns to me with a smile. "I think my house will be a much more conducive environment. You can teach me in my bedroom." He nods in satisfaction.

Conducive? Not at all. I'm still trying to brush away the possible innuendo in your innocent statement. Sexy Ishida Yamato, love of my life plus best friend secretly in love with him teaching him- (no, don't fall into that gutter _again!_) _Maths _in his _bedroom_ (_damn_ _it!_) multiplied by the situation of them being alone together- no, that's _not_ a good equation at all!

"_Hell YES! That's the BEST fucking equation ever!" _My sub conscious and restrained libido is cheering, and I quickly bring my consciousness and _conscience_ back to the forefront, who's screaming, _"Hell NO! It's the absolute WORST! Where are your morals, Yagami?_!_ Disappeared with your libido?_!_" _And _me_? I'm currently exclaiming inwardly, _"Hell, I DON'T KNOW! What should I do?_!_ Reject him_!_? No I can't! I don't want to disappoint him! But he doesn't want to study in the library and my house will be worse-"_

But Yamato's not listening to my internal panicking nor paying attention to my conflicted expression for he smirks, and says cheerfully, "Right then," his tone is light, "I'll see you after school, Yagami-sensei."

…Yagami-sensei? The things I could _teach_ him…

I feel my face warm again as he blinks once then smiles almost slyly, and with a pat on my shoulder, turns and walks away.

…This is so _unfair_!

* * *

...How did I get myself into this again?

The cause of my situation blinks, then smiles (prettily) at me from opposite me. Oh yeah. _That's_ how.

…Well, at least he wasn't there at soccer practice. Yeah, that's _definitely _a good thing.

"So," I smile back at him as I rub the towel against the back of my sweaty neck, "What do you want me to teach you?"

"Differentiation and Integration, of course."

Argh. I don't like those topics.

But Yamato's looking at me and how can I disappoint him? I sigh and say, "From the beginning?"

"Nah, I'm not that bad," he looks amused. He leans down and plucks a piece of paper gracefully out of his bag, handing it to me, "I just need your help with the questions I got wrong for this test."

I scan his paper, and smile to see that he passed, quite substantially, might I add. Yamato's never really been a Maths guy you see, he's more of the arts type. It's another difference between us.

I see the first question, and blink. He got it wrong.

"How can you get this wrong?" I say a little disbelievingly.

He shrugs, "I don't know."

"And you can do the rest?"

"Hmmm," he looks contemplative, "I just followed the steps in the book?"

"And what are the steps?"

"Multiply the coefficient by the power and minus the power by 1."

"Then, it's the same thing," I say as I lay out his paper before him. I point to the equation. _**Y**_ = 2_**x**_. Oh Great.

"It's actually quite easy, if you differentiate _**Y**_ the answer is just 2."

Yamato blinks. "Why?" He says. "I thought it would be 0."

"No it's not zero," I tell him, "The power to _**x**_ isn't 0."'

"What is it then?"

I flip his test paper and pick up a pencil, scribbling the equation down. I point to the _**x**_. "Since there's an _**x**_, the power can't be 0." I explain, _**"x**_ can't have a power of 0. It can have a power of 1,2,3,4, anything above 0."

"Then…" Yamato says, looking down at the equation, "The power of _**x**_ is 1?"

"Bingo," I grin and write it down. "And since the power of _**x**_ is one, you bring the 1 down to the coefficient," I draw an arrow from the 1 to 2. "And multiply it. So it'll still be 2."

"And then you do the second step, and minus the power of 1 away," I say. I swallow, "So once you've differentiated away the _**x**_, you're left with 2."

"I see." Yamato smiles. He looks up at me, "Then what about integration?"

"Integration?"

"Uhuh. It's the opposite of differentiation, right?"

"Hm yeah. So if you integrate two," I write down the curly integration sign and the number, "You just have to add a power of 1, which is _**x**_."

"You forgot to write **d**_**x**_." Yamato points out with a smile, "We're integrating with respect to _**x**_, right?"

"Yeah," I say sheepishly and jot it down.

He grins slightly at me and I return it, "So, if you integrate 2 with respect to _**x, **_you'll get back 2_**x**_." I gesture to the differentiated equation above, "That's why integration is the opposite of differentiation, and vice versa."

"2_**x**_ + _C_**.**" He corrects me.

"Oh yeah." I cover my mouth with a yawn as I write the _C _down.

"Hey Taichi," Yamato says, looking at the piece of paper, "Why do you always forget the _C?"_

I shrug helplessly, "No idea." I say as I remove the wet towel from around my neck and place it on my bag, "You never forget it?"

"No." He says, and I look at him. He meets my gaze head on, "I've never forgotten."

A short silence follows. And as I stare at him and he meets my confused eyes, I can feel that the atmosphere's changed between us. Somehow, this isn't just about Maths anymore, but something more important. Something I don't remember. Something I've forgotten about.

But I don't understand. There isn't anything that I don't remember, as far as I remember. Certainly nothing that starts with the letter, _C._

"Taichi?"

"Yeah?"

"What does the _C_ stand for?"

I don't know, Yamato. You tell me. Because there's this look in your eyes that tells me you're disappointed in me which makes me disappointed in myself too and I don't know why. But somehow, for some reason, I've let you down.

But you won't tell me, will you? You've always been good at keeping secrets.

…If I didn't love you so much, I'd say you were worse than a girl. Why can't you just _tell_ me instead of giving me that expectant expression? I swear, it lowers my self esteem when I disappoint you when I can't tell what you're trying to say.

"It stands for Constant." I say, staring into his deep blue eyes, "When you integrate, you'll always get back a constant, unlike when you differentiate."

"And you always forget that constant?"

What are you trying to say, Yamato? "Yeah."

"Why?"

"Why? I don't know," I say honestly. He looks at me as I think, and I sigh, "I guess it's 'cause we're learning how to integrate with limits now?"

"Limits?"

"Yeah," I write out the same equation on the paper, but this time, there are numbers on top and below the curly integral sign, "See these numbers? These are limits."

"So that's what they're called." Yamato murmurs.

"Yeah. They're limits," I swallow, then clear my throat. I integrate 2, and bracket the 2_**x**_ and put down the limits. "Limiting the…integral means putting a value to it. And when you do that, the _C_ is gone. What's left is the value. There's no more constant."

"You substitute the _**x**_ with the limits and multiply them with the coefficient 2." Yamato says lowly as he stares at the limits, "And then you separate them and minus them, and get a numerical value."

"Yeah." I say softly, mentally calculating in my mind, "And the value will be seven."

Yamato blinks, then smiles up at me, "Well," he says leisurely, meeting my eyes, "Seven is a lucky number."

"I prefer two." I say. Two. Just me and you, Yamato. Not you and Sora.

"There were seven of us at first," he says, his tone holding nostalgia. He turns his almost sharp gaze to me, smiling wryly, "But at the start, there were only two."

…Huh?

He must see me trying to wrack my brain for his hidden meaning for he chuckles, and says, "Nothing," he brushes off, "I- was just thinking."

"Right." I say slowly. I really am not understanding you, Yamato.

He grins at me, "There're about…" he counts on his fingers, "Twelve of us now, excluding the digimon." He says offhandedly, "How many do you think we'll be in the future?"

I shrug. "Who knows?" I attempt to smile at him, "Twenty? Thirty? Maybe the whole world."

He grins at me and I grin back. We share a laugh and he says, breathlessly, "Surely not!"

"Hey, it could happen," I shrug again, "Anything can happen in our lives."

"Yeah." He smiles at me. "Hey Taichi, can I kiss you?"

…I must have misheard that. What is _wrong_ with my ears around him?

"What?" I say blankly.

Yamato looks at me steadily, "Can I kiss you?" He repeats.

…Alright, so I didn't hear wrongly. This is not funny, Yamato.

"Yamato," I say, staring at him, "This is _not_ funny."

He tilts his head of golden hair to the side, "I didn't say it was," he says, staring straight into my shocked eyes. His lips curl, "But anything can happen in our lives, right?"

I stare at him, then get up hurriedly. But he gets up at the same time, and I think dazedly that he does the simple action gracefully just like everything he does, and nears me, cornering me like a deer in headlights, "Even," he says softly, his voice husky, and his lips way too near, "This."

And then I'm not thinking anymore because Yamato's lips are on mine and I'm kissing him and he's kissing _me_.


	3. Integration: Stage 2

My first thought (wait I'm not thinking anymore); my first sensation is that his lips are just as soft as I imagined they would be.

My second sensation or realization, is that he's willingly kissing me.

My third realization is that I'm kissing Yamato who already has a girlfriend. Sora.

…And I try not to blame Sora because she was my first kiss (in reality). It was an accident while we were playing soccer when we were kids and it was just a brush of our lips, but damn it if I hadn't been so clumsy that day this kiss with Yamato would be my first kiss! But wait, I'm not even supposed to be kissing Yamato (since it's not a dream) because Sora must have been his first kiss too!

And with that thought, thoughts slowly start to form in my head. It is at this moment which I feel his tongue slipping past my mouth and his body pressing against mine and I panic, reaching out my hands to detach him away from me.

"W-What are you doing?_!_" I exclaim when I have him at a decent distance away from me.

Yamato merely looks at me with that same wry smile, "Kissing you," he says in a matter of fact tone. "I'd have thought you could tell."

Oh believe me, Yamato, I could tell. I could tell very well.

But I don't say that because Yamato is smiling sexily at me (Alright, _that_ is intentional) as he stalks towards me, "Why'd you push me away, Taichi?" He says. He steps in close, and I'm too surprised to back away. His left arm is around my neck and his right arm around my waist as he smiles at me with unreadable blue eyes and says smoothly, "Don't you want me?"

More than you'd ever know. "Yes."

Yamato smile widens and he draws even closer until our chests are touching. "Then, shall we return to our pleasant activity?" He says with a sly smile.

"Yeah-wait, no!" I correct myself with what hold on my senses I have left with Yamato so close to me, his hair tickling my cheek, his scent overwhelming. I quickly push him away before his lips touch mine and enchant me in their spell, diluting all my senses to jelly, "We can't!"

Yamato frowns at me. "Why not?" He asks, crossing his arms, "Anything can happen in our lives, right?"

"I-no," I shake my head. I inhale, then raise my gaze to meet his expectant blue eyes, "Anything can happen, but only if we have no control over the situation!"

He blinks, then cocks his head to the side and gives me a smirk which makes me gulp, "Really?" He says casually. "Shall I make you lose control?"

"I- no," I back away with shaky legs as he advances towards me with a determined light in his blue eyes, "Yamato!"

See Yagami, you should have listened to your _brain_ that this _wasn't_ a good equation! Where was your **_brain_** when the (sly) love of your life suggested to teach him in his fucking _bedroom?_!

"Yes, Taichi?"

"We can't." I say weakly as he closes in on me.

"We can." He replies smoothly, leaning in close.

"D-Damn it Yamato, we can't!" I shout at him, and I must be glaring at him for he actually stops in his tracks. "Anything can happen, but _not _this!" Not when I still have control!

Silence. We stare at each other, me with narrowed eyes and him with wide eyes. Then slowly, as if moving in water, he leans away. His face loses its confident expression, his blue eyes are no longer shining but somber, and he turns his gaze to the floor.

"You're right," he says softly, not meeting my eyes anymore. He swallows, then blinks rapidly, biting his lip. "I-I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me."

"Yamato…"

He's still not looking at me. He looks up but doesn't meet my gaze, instead he averts his gaze to the side. I watch as he inhales, then turns his gaze in my direction.

But he's still not looking at me.

"Come on," he says, then clears his throat. He turns his head. "Let's get back to Maths."

I watch silently as he makes his way back to the desk. He sits down and stares blankly at the piece of paper, no longer smiling.

I hesitate, before I walk over to the desk. He's sitting down on the chair and I'm standing up, staring down at him. He feels my gaze on him and as he turns to look at me, raises his sapphire gaze.

And when he finally meets my eyes, I feel like the biggest bastard in the world. There's vivid _hurt_ in them, something I haven't seen in his eyes for a long time. He smiles to hide it but I can tell. I can see it clearly in those shimmering pools of blue.

…I hope those aren't tears in his eyes. If they are I really am the lowest of the _lowest_. Even if I don't know why.

…Oh God, did I just make the one I love cry?

Yagami Taichi, you are a stupid, not so courageous moron! Just what the hell have you done now?_!_

Yamato smiles but swallows, and I feel a ripple of pain through my chest. I chew on my lip, and force myself to look away, "I'm sorry," I say softly. "I should…leave now."

Without waiting for his reply, I pick up my bag and stride to the door. My hand just reaches the doorknob when a hand lands on my shoulder and Yamato's voice sounds, "Wait!"

You shouldn't stop me, Yamato. You really shouldn't.

Before I hurt you anymore.

"Taichi," he gasps when I remain silent. His hand tightens on my shoulder. "S-Stay."

"You…promised you would teach me Maths," he says softly, "So…you have to stay. You can't leave."

I have to leave Yamato, before I do something I will regret.

But I don't resist as he turns me around gently to face him, smiling at me, "So…" he says, taking my bag away from me and walking back to the desk, depositing it on the floor, "Let's continue?"

I walk towards him, staring at him almost stoically and he turns around, blinks, then bites his lip. I watch as he wets his lips with his tongue nervously, "Taichi?"

He really shouldn't do that around me.

"Yeah?" I'm still staring.

He looks at me, gesturing with a smooth, pale hand. "Shall we continue?"

I toy with the idea of coming up with a list of "Things Ishida Yamato Should NOT do around Yagami Taichi." It would be quite an extensive list. And licking his lips would be around the top of that list. Along with pouting. Next to smiling sexily and now, seducing a sexually frustrated Yagami Taichi out of the blue.

But it's not as if I come up with the list and give it to him, he'll follow it anyway. He'll just raise those slender eyebrows at me. And then he'll ask why and what can I say?

"Yeah." I say again, my gaze fixated on his wet, soft lips, "Let's continue."

I see him smile in my peripheral vision, "Great- mph!"

It's his turn to protest- or, he would have protested, had I not been kissing him so hard I garner he has no breath left for even a whisper of a protest when our lips part. He stares at me with wide, surprised blue eyes and red lips. And when he opens his mouth, I capture it again before he even has a chance to protest, muffling the sound with my harsh, demanding mouth.

Why? Because if you've tasted Ishida Yamato (you better have not 'cause he's _mine_) you'll find yourself diving in again and again for his lips, into that delicious mouth for his taste is addictive. My mind is going haywire with him so close to me, with me being allowed to taste him, and it's indescribable for that's what Yamato is and the taste and feel and sounds coming from him are all flooding my senses and damn, who the hell cares if he isn't my first kiss in reality, he's my second and third and fourth and fifth and he's going to be my hundredth and- God, I'm not even sure what I'm thinking anymore, if I'm even thinking.

But I must be, somewhat distortedly as I register his gasp, "Taichi," his voice is breathless just like I've imagined it to be, "Y-You want me?"

I stare at him at the uncertainty in his voice. How could I not want him? How could anyone not want _him_?

I've always believed actions speak louder than words so I move to reply by capturing his lips- only to be stopped by his firm hand on my chest. "Answer me, Taichi."

Hell. "Yeah." I say lowly. "I want you, Yamato." I love you.

But fortunately I'm still sober enough to not say that one word which will destroy our friendship.

Yamato smiles beautifully at me, and my heart skips a beat, "Then," he says, voice silky smooth but with a tinge of shyness as he curls his slender arms around my stiff neck, "Have me."

"Kiss me, Taichi."

I don't need to be told twice, hell, I didn't even need to be told (once).

I obey him immediately (he's always been able to get me to do anything he wanted) and wrap an arm around his waist, bringing him close to me as I grab his chin and capture those soft lips with mine.

He gasps, as I kiss him with all the passion I've reserved for him, all the passion I've only been able to show him in my wet dreams (what? I'm a teenage boy), and then moans softly. His arm tightens around my neck, his other hand clutching at my hair as he presses his body as close to me as humanly possible, as he pulls me so close our bodies could meld together and who am I to protest?

I can't tell how long we've kissed for, all I'm aware of is his taste and his soft golden hair and the arousing sounds he makes and the feeling of his body against mine. Somehow, we stumble to the bed and when I finally release his lips for precious oxygen, I'm staring down into deep blue eyes half lidded with pleasure.

"Yamato," I say. He looks at me and I swallow, my hands on either side of his head of golden hair, clutching onto the sheets as I try to prevent them from trembling. "I," I inhale. "Have no control."

He blinks at me, and I say, "I've lost my control," I elaborate, meeting his deep blue eyes. My right hand clenches into a fist, "Anything can happen from now on."

"I know." He says smoothly.

"And, you're prepared for that?"

He blinks again, then smiles at me, "Taichi," his voice holds amusement as he reaches out a smooth hand, placing a cool palm on my warm cheek. His blue eyes sparkle with mischief, "I said I'd make you lose control, didn't I?"

"Yamato," I say lowly. "Tempt not a desperate man."

Because that's what I am. Desperate. All it takes is one seduction attempt for him (of which I am still unaware of the cause, but don't really give a damn at the moment) and I have him pinned to the bed underneath me, trying to hold in my years of pent up sexual frustration – in vain, it seems if he continues doing what he is doing.

I try hard to gather the scattered pieces of my control as he stares at me, then laughs in amusement- wait, why is he laughing? Did I say something funny?

I stare at him as he laughs, his blue eyes twinkling with amusement and cheeks flushed, "O-Oh God, Taichi!" He exclaims, grinning at me, "I can't believe you just quoted Shakespeare!"

Shake- what? Shake spear? How can you quote someone who shakes a spear?

"Who shakes a spear?" I say, puzzled.

His lips quirk, and he snickers at me, "William Shakespeare," Yamato pronounces succinctly. "He's a famous playwright and you just quoted one of his most famous lines. Though the context," he smirks, "Is totally off."

"Right." I say. Right.

Weird guy- playwright; whatever. How can I think of a guy who shakes a spear when I have Ishida Yamato lying underneath me?

"But," his voice has regained that seductive quality as his fingers brush against my cheek, his blue eyes looking at me in amusement. I scramble for the vestiges of my control, as he says, "You're not the only desperate man."

And he illustrates his comment when he yanks me down and kisses me fiercely. And with that one action, what control I've managed to salvage scatters again into separate, flying, lost pieces.

I growl as I kiss him back, practically violating his mouth with my tongue. But he isn't deterred and meets me with equal ferociousness and as we battle for dominance, I push his blazer off his shoulders as much as I can and work on practically ripping the buttons off his shirt.

"Hey," he somehow manages to laugh into our kiss, "Relax! Or I won't have a uniform to wear to school tomorrow!"

Yamato astounds me, really, being able to joke at a time like this. I smirk against his lips and murmur, "Don't you have another set?"

"In the washing machine." He breathes, and leans up to kiss me again.

His hands are on my shoulders and his tongue in my mouth and I have absolutely no more control left when we part and I lean down to bite his neck, causing him to gasp. "Taichi!"

"What?" I say, trailing my mouth down to his chest with kisses. I smirk as he gasps again when I clamp my teeth onto his nipple, and whimpers when I swirl my tongue around it.

I groan at the arousing sound and grind my arousal down against him, causing him to gasp sharply, "T-Taichi!"

I reply with a low growl as I move my rough hands on his chest, thrusting my growing erection against his pilant, perfect body as I grab his slender wrists and pin them to the bed, silencing his gasps and moans with an unrelenting kiss full of desire.

"Ah!" Yamato chokes back a gasp as I pinch his sensitive nipples. I smirk and thrust my tongue into his bellybutton and he arches off the bed with a sharp cry, _"Taichi!"_

I'm sure he must have some idea of how long I've waited to hear him call my name like that as my hands become more aggressive, my kisses more possessive as I claim his mouth before I can't anymore. I'm holding him down and grinding down into him, lust clouding my senses until all I can think about is how long I've waited for this, how he doesn't even know how fucking sexy he is, lying with his slender legs spread and tangled with mine on the bed, his golden hair spilling across the sheets as he mewls and pants breathlessly with cheeks flushed with heat, his blue eyes more beautiful than ever more.

His voice is perfect, the sounds he's making are perfect, his body exposed to me is so perfect, everything about him is so fucking perfect and he's making me harder with every sound that escapes his perfect lips 'cause it's the first time he's been touched by someone like this, the first time someone has touched his pefect body, I bet not even Sora has had this privilege, I bet she hasn't touched him like I'm doing and oh god I'm the first one to touch the perfect Ishida Yamato. Just. Like. This.

"Haah!" Yamato's body is trembling and I shove my body against his as I bite the juncture between his neck and shoulder, and he moans helplessly and fuck, I want to _integrate_ with him, even more than we already are. Yeah, integrate 1 (like our bodies are) and let the unknown **_x_** be sex. Integrate **_Y_** (Yamato) with respect to **_x_** (sex) and what do you get when **_Y_** is one (with me)? **_x. _**Se**_x._** Oh yeah and + C. Constant. Constant Sex. Heh. Who said Maths can't get you laid?

Yeah, Y. 'Cause right now, _Y_amato, when you're lying me under this, with your slender legs spread, your hands by your sides and fisting the sheets, your back straightening as you let out a cry at the pleasure I'm giving you, you make me want to integrate you. Integrate with you. Integrate Y, well, an upside down Y from the angle I'm seeing here; an upside down crooked, curling, and certainly not straight (hahaha) Y. Yamato.

Of course, you can only get **_x_** (sex) when _Y_ (Yamato) is 1 (one - with **_me_**).

"I want to integrate with you." Isn't that such an original pick up line? I'm such a genius sometimes. And if you want to break up with someone, why don't you just say, "I'm differentiating away from you?" or, "Sorry but I think it's better if we differentiate." Heh. Better than all the mushy crap on TV Hikari watches ("It's not you, it's me…blab la bla). The logic in that statement ('cause Maths is logical) would appeal to the logical mind of another and make the other person less emotional, probably.

"T-Taichi!"

His body is sinfully warm, his exposed neck plastered with sweat, his naked chest heaving as he tries to get back his breath. The string of control my mind has been trying to tug back to my consciousness snaps at the sight and all I'm aware and conscious of is my primal instincts fuelled by the painful bulge in my pants. All my thoughts about Maths pick up lines and how I could write a book on that fly away. And believe me, when you've wanted somebody, and not just anybody, but (hot, gorgeous, sinfully sexy) Ishida Yamato for a few damn years in which you've been trying to ignore how attractive and sexy he is, there's _no_ fucking way you can hold back.

Before I can stop myself (which I can't 'cause I have no control anymore, remember) I'm yanking down his pants (Thank God he didn't wear a belt today), exposing him to me in his briefs. I smirk when I see he's aroused and he whimpers softly when I brush my hand against his growing arousal.

"T-Taichi…"

"Yamato." I breathe heavily. I cup him in my hand, and he gasps, his fingernails digging into the sheets.

"Shit!"

My smirk widens as I stare at his flushed face and I'm not sure I'm entirely aware of what I'm doing when I plunge my hand into the back of his underwear and touch a finger to his entrance. He gasps, then cries out as I enter my finger into him.

I toy with the idea of adding a second finger, but have enough sense not to as I curl my finger, and he lets out a high pitched mewl and squirms against me, which sends more blood rushing down to my groin and I feel my erection grow. (Good thing I'm not wearing school pants but my flexible soccer shorts) I'm stroking Ishida Yamato in my hand and fingering him with another when he gasps and cries out audibly, "W-Wait!"

"Can't." I mutter as I lower my head and place a possessive kiss on his neck.

"T-Taichi, stop!" He manages feebly as he raises trembling hands to push against my chest. "I- need-"

"I can give you anything you need, Yamato," I whisper as I brush my thumb against him and his body shakes as I push deeper into him, my hard cock against his thigh. "Anything and everything."

"-To tell you something important!" He somehow manages to get the rest of his sentence out in a breathless gasp. "My father-Ah!"

"If you're trying to turn me off, it's not working." I growl as I lick the shell of his bitten ear. "I'm already gone, Yamato."

"AH!" He cries out again when I touch a second finger to his entrance, thrusting my first finger deeper into him at the same time. Tears prick his eyes as he chokes, "Taichi, _no_-"

The door opens, but I don't register it until a familiar voice speaks casually, "Hey, Yamato-"

I freeze and I feel Yamato still below me. Slowly, I turn my head, and see the person who I really shouldn't see me practically violating Yamato.

But I do, and I stare, as he stares back at me.

Oh. Fuck.

Mr Ishida is standing at the door.


	4. Differentiation

_Differentiation_

It's not a pleasant sight to come home to I guess, seeing your pretty son's best friend on top of him on his bed doing unmentionable things to him as he pants with flushed cheeks and bitten lips and looks utterly violated and ravished.

No, I reckon that wouldn't be a pretty sight for a father at all.

But he _didn't_ have to slam my head against the wall.

Because fuck, it _hurts_ like a bitch.

And it still hurts because he hasn't stopped slamming my head against the concrete wall.

How come Yamato never told me his father is so damn _violent_?

No wonder they say to 'Never judge a book by its cover'.

"D-Dad!"

"You little shit," slam slam slam, Fuck OW. "How dare you try to take advantage of my son?_!_"

Excuse me, your son was the one who seduced me! Where's the justice here?_!_

"Dad!" Yamato shouts again, coming to my defense, "Stop it! It isn't Taichi's fault!"

Yamato's father looks at him, and I have a moment to recover my senses before they're gone in a flash of pain and I'm sliding down the wall, dazed and my head hurting like hell.

Mr Ishida is looking at me in disdain and disgust I think- damn I can't really see. I feel a sudden urge to place my hands over my crotch and bulging erection (courtesy of his son) 'cause I may be mistaken, but he looks like he wants to kill me, strangle me _painfully_-

"Dad!" Yamato exclaims incredulously. My vision is spinning as I hear his footsteps, "Taichi! Are you alright-"

"Yamato!" Mr Ishida barks and my vision clears and I see Yamato freeze in his tracks. He turns his harsh gaze to me, "Don't go near him."

"And, pull up your pants."

I watch, head pounding in pain as Yamato flushes in embarrassment then quickly yanks his pants up, as Mr Ishida says, "Yagami," his voice is cold, and I realize blearily maybe that's where Yamato got his coldness from, "Get out of my son's room right this instant."

I stumble shakily to my feet, head spinning and placing a hand on the wall as Yamato's frustrated voice sounds, "Dad! Will you listen to me?_!_"

"Not now, Yamato," Mr Ishida holds out a hand, his hard gaze still on me. "I want this boy out of this house right this instant."

"This boy? He's Taichi!" Yamato exclaims incredulously, his voice shrill, "He's my best friend!" He turns to his father with disbelieving eyes, "We survived the Digital world together! We went camping together, remember?_!_" He shouts, voice rising in pitch sharply.

"He's no friend of yours," Mr Ishida says in that same cold voice and I try not to flinch as he regards me with furious eyes, "I'm only going to say it one more time, Yagami."

"Get out of Yamato's room and this house now, or I'll tell your parents what you did to my son."

Parents. That one word brings my world grinding to a sudden halt. I still, then slowly turn and make my way towards the door.

"Taichi-" Yamato's voice is cut off as I slam the door behind me.

* * *

It's late evening and I'm walking back to my apartment, staring at nothing and feeling nothing. All that passion, all that arousal, lust and love is gone and right now, I feel like an empty husk of nothingness. Doing nothing but just existing.

"_He's no friend of yours."_

It's the single thought that stands out in my head. Because it's true. I'm not even Yamato's friend anymore.

Because I'm a fucking cowardly idiot who couldn't control his lust for his best friend.

I reach my apartment before I am even aware. I realize I left my keys in my bag at Yamato's house but there's nothing I can do so I reach my hand up to ring the doorbell.

I'm staring blankly at the door when it opens and Hikari looks at me in surprise. "Onii-chan?"

"Hey Hikari," I manage a smile at my little sister. "Sorry. I forgot my keys."

"Ah," she says, and unlocks the door for me, blinking, "School just ended?"

"A while ago." I say lowly as I remove my shoes then enter the house, making sure to keep the smile on my face. "I was at Yamato's."

"Taichi!" My mother shouts at me when I enter the living room. She frowns, "Where were you? We were just about to have dinner!"

"Soccer practice." I say with that smile on my face. "Practice today ended late."

"Again?_!_" She exclaims, placing her hands on her hips and looking at me with a disapproving gaze, "Taichi, I told you to not spend so much time on silly soccer! Your studies are much more important! When you grow up, you're going to be working at a company and living on your own and you have to support yourself!"

I sigh. It's the same old routine again. "Right, Mum," I say. "I know."

"And of course, you have to have a wife when you're older! How are you going to take care of her and your children if all you do is play soccer?_!_"

I frown. I don't want a wife. I want Yamato.

But I quickly turn my thoughts away from that direction and wonder instead what is with my mother today. Yeah usually she's naggy but today she's being extra naggy. She's actually preaching. She's been doing that nowadays, being naggy. She didn't do this when I was in elementary school, being naggy I mean. Maybe 'cause now I'm growing up and stuff and she expects more of me. Much more.

"Well Mum, the competition is in a few days time!" I defend myself, "And, I have been concentrating on my studies! In fact, I was teaching Yamato Maths!"

Yeah teaching him Maths- teaching him how to integrate with me. I think he learnt that lesson pretty well.

And there's the gutter again.

"Yamato? That polite, smart boy?" My mother blinks, looking at me in puzzlement and I pull myself together before I can fall into that damn gutter, "You were teaching him Maths?"

"Yeah." I say lowly.

"You sure it's not the other way around?" My father jokes from behind his newspaper.

"No!" I bite out harsher than necessary.

"Woah, relax son," my father says with a smile but there's this uncertainty in his eyes as he shifts his gaze to my mother.

"Well," my mother says with a wry smile, "I'm glad he has been having a positive influence on you!"

"But," she narrows her eyes, looking at me dubiously, "Didn't you say you were at soccer practice? Were you lying to me?"

"Yeah, I went to Yamato's house after soccer practice," I sigh tiredly as I shove my hands into my pockets. "That's why I'm so late."

My mother blinks. "Ah."

I shrug, then turn to head to my room, "Taichi!" My mother calls, "Where are you going?_!_ Dinner's ready!"

"To take a shower," I say, not looking back. "I have no appetite for dinner."

"Then, who's going to eat your share_?"_

"I don't know," I reply blandly. "Leave it in the microwave oven or something."

She doesn't reply me, but my sharp ears catch her words which she lets out in a frustrated breath, "That boy!" She says to someone, presumably my father, "He hasn't grown up at all!"

"All he does is play soccer! Seriously, where is his sense of responsibility!_?_" I clench my fist, "How is he going to earn money for his family when he grows up?_!_"

"Taichi isn't that bad," I hear my father say almost nervously, "He's just a little misguided, that's all."

Huh. Misguided. Thanks, Dad.

"A little? He's completely off the track!" My mother shouts, "I don't know what he's going to be when he's an adult! We can't take care of him forever!"

"Well, I'm sure he'll set his priorities straight-"

"Really, and he's our oldest child! Even Hikari knows what she wants to be when she grows up! I swear, she's younger than him and yet she's more mature!"

"Mum!" I hear Hikari protest, "Don't say that! Big Brother is mature! He saved both our worlds in the past, remember?_!_"

"In the past! But, this is _reality_-"

It's the second time someone's voice is cut off with the slamming of the door.

* * *

Thoughts of the adults' words are in my mind as I stare down at the floor cradling my pounding head in my hands when Hikari opens the door.

"Taichi?" I know it's her because my parents don't come into my room, except my mother to complain how messy it is. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah."

She closes the door, then moves to my side where I'm sitting on the bed. She sits down beside me, "Did something happen with Yamato?" She asks softly.

"Not really." I lie.

There's silence in the moment save for the ticking of the clock as I continue staring at the floor, until Hikari speaks, "You love him, don't you?"

My eyes widen and I turn to her. She's smiling wryly at me, perception not befitting of someone her young age in her eyes. "You're in love with Yamato." She says.

"I- how did you know?"

Hikari shrugs, then meets my eyes. "I'm your little sister, aren't I?" She says, smiling, "How could I not know?"

I'm still gaping a little when she says, "Did you tell him your feelings?"

"N-No." I manage.

"Why?"

I shut my mouth, biting my lip, "Yamato's already dating Sora, Hikari," I say tiredly. "I don't want to trouble him with my feelings."

"How do you know he would be troubled by them?" Hikari asks.

I shrug, "How could he not be?"

"Because you're both guys?" Hikari says softly.

"No," I say as I recall the session at his house and she blinks in surprise. "It's not that."

That is part of the reason, but I don't tell her. My little sister is worried enough about me as it is. I don't want her to worry about me more and how I'm going to cope in a relationship with Yamato with what our parents expect of me as the oldest child and as a soon to be man in our patriarchal society.

Then again, it's not as if I'm going to be in a relationship with Yamato. Sex is one thing, an actual relationship is another.

"Then why?"

I sigh, "He's with Sora, and he's a rockstar with a reputation," I say in a matter of fact tone. "I'm his…best friend. And Sora's my childhood friend."

"Onii-chan…" I can hear the sympathy in Hikari's voice as she places a hand on my shoulder, "I'm sure Yamato will understand…"

"Sorry Hikari," I give her an apologetic smile, looking away, "But I don't have the courage to do that."

"But, you're the keeper of Courage!"

"Not anymore." I say distantly and Hikari looks at me.

Not in reality.

"…Alright." She says. She removes her hand from my shoulder and I move my gaze to hers, "Just remember I'll always be here for you, okay?"

"Okay." I say, smiling. "Thanks, Hikari."

I'm her big brother and she loves me. But I know she loves my mother, and my father because well, Hikari loves everyone. She keeps everyone close to her heart and cares for them more than she cares for herself. I'm reminded of the time she fell sick in the Digital world and swallow, brushing away the somber memory.

She returns my smile and I watch as Hikari, the keeper of Light, leaves me alone in the darkening room.

I close my eyes.

* * *

When I open my eyes, I am met with darkness. I blink and rise from the bed, feeling my head. The pain seems to have faded away, but there is a rather distinct bump.

It's hard to see but somehow I manage to make my way to the door of my room, judging by the metal my hand has touched. I turn the doorknob and emerge into light.

Hikari is sitting on the couch, watching TV. Just as I close the door behind me, the doorbell rings, and I turn my attention to the door of our apartment.

"I'll get it." I tell Hikari as I stride towards the door. I see her nod from the corner of her eye.

I have a feeling of who would ring the doorbell so late at night, but am still surprised when I open the door to the sight of none other than Yamato.

"Taichi." He says. There is an apologetic expression on his face, and he holds up my bag towards me. "Here…you left this behind."

"Ah thanks." I say as I take my bag from him.

"And," Yamato quickly says as I move to turn. He bites his lip as I look at him, "I'm sorry for just now, I just remembered my father told me he was coming home early-"

"It's fine." I say with a mild smile.

He starts slightly, then hesitates, "Are you alright?"

Emotionally or physically, Yamato? Because either way, I'm not.

I shrug. It isn't as if this is anything new.

I almost jerk as he reaches his hand and feels across the back of my head, pushing up my spiky hair. His fingers are too warm and I almost shudder as he says, "You seem fine…"

"I'm fine." I say as I push his hand away.

A flash of hurt crosses across his expression for an ephemeral moment, and it's as if I imagined it because he's soon smiling again, "Is that so."

I meet his eyes and he meets mine. It's a surprise when he twines his arms around my waist and pulls me close, murmuring, "Taichi."

"Yamato," I say, looking away, "My parents are in the living room."

They're not, but he doesn't know that. He's confusing me, but I don't show it. Why is he acting as if we're in a relationship? That was just sex to him, wasn't it?

Yeah. Just sex. It's easier this way.

My arms are stiff by my sides as he merely looks at me, then swoops to kiss me. It takes all my willpower to not respond to his passionate kiss, as my arms stiffen even more with the effort.

He pulls away disappointedly when he sees I'm not responding. He blinks, when I remove his arms from around my waist and say blandly, "Don't, Yamato."

His eyes narrow, and before I can react, he has me shoved up against the wall, his soft but demanding mouth kissing me fiercely. I try to think of something coherent- like how we would both be betraying Sora's trust (again) if I respond, and clench my fists as he jerks me closer to him.

Don't think of Ishida Yamato, Yagami. Don't let him seduce you again. You _can't_ integrate with him, you have to _differentiate_ from him. Think of your childhood friend Sora, and how you're kissing _her_ _boyfriend_-

My thoughts are cut short when he pulls away and grinds himself against me with a growl. I don't entirely manage to swallow back my gasp as I catch his wrist before his hand can reach my shirt. "Yamato."

Yamato purses his lips. "Taichi." He says.

"Yamato," I reply. I breathe in for air, then look him straight in his frustrated eyes, "Sorry, but I don't want this anymore."

He stares at me, and whispers a '_what_'? I smile and look at him, shrugging as if it isn't a big deal. "You heard me."

"I don't want you anymore."

Liar. Congratulations Yagami, now you're a liar as well as a coward.

"But, just now…"

He's looking at me with shocked blue eyes, as if he can't believe the notion of me not wanting him. And maybe he can't, 'cause who doesn't want Ishida Yamato? He must know that. That's why we were so close to having sex, why I was so close to making him mine.

I push him away, then turn around before I can change my mind and lose the control I've managed to regain. I inhale, and draw it closer to my consciousness from where it has drifted away due to Yamato's advances.

"Sorry Yamato," I speak casually, even managing to insert a playful tone into my voice, "I don't know why you want me, but you're not irresistible, you know?"

"And hey, we're supposed to be best friends, not lovers."

"T-That's…" he manages to get out as I step away from the wall, "I…"

There is a certain vulnerability to his voice, but I block it firmly from my mind as I bend down to pick my bag off the floor.

I can't risk this. I can't risk our friendship more than I already have.

Control your libido, Yagami Taichi.

"Bye Yamato," I say as I heave my bag over my shoulder, inhaling, "See you in school tomorrow."

This time, I don't close the door behind me.

* * *

I let my bag fall to the floor when I'm in my room, reaching for the light before changing my mind. I turn and make my way to the bed, recalling that there isn't any homework today as I allow myself to collapse onto the sheets, my eyes staring at thin air.

It's a paradox really. I think one of the reasons I l fell in love with Yamato is because he's the one thing I had done right but I still can't handle my feelings for him in the right way.

Or, is this the right way? This lonely path of unrequited love?

Because Yamato doesn't love me. I mean, I'm not the one dating him. Yeah, he wants me and lusts for me, he's shown that, but he doesn't love me. Hell, he may even like me but he doesn't love me.

And there's no point in having sex with him if he doesn't love me, is there? I mean, of course it'd be great and all, but in the end, I'll be the one pining after him more than ever while he goes off on his dates with Sora or maybe some other girl.

And, wouldn't it be betraying Sora?

So I guess it's better this way, really. If I…differentiate from him, just like before. Because he still doesn't know I'm in love with him.

And I don't intend on letting him know. I can be a good actor when I need to be.

And we've seen what his Dad thinks of me now.

I smile wryly. There are so many thoughts in my mind and it's getting tiring to think. Why am I even still awake?

It's exhausting really. I really should be asleep.

With that thought, I close my eyes. My mind flashes back to my moments with Yamato and I frown.

Don't think of that, Yagami. It's just a phase he's going through. Maybe he can't fulfill his needs with Sora. But soon everything will be back to normal and you two will be friends again. Because you're Yagami Taichi, courageous idiot leader and he's Ishida Yamato, gorgeous blond wonder.

No wait. You're not even the leader anymore. (Though he's still a wonder.)

Then, Yagami Taichi…courageous idiot? Hmmm. A bit too plain. Courageous extraordinary idiot? Doesn't quite fit.

Extraordinary…extra…ordinaire.

Courageous idiot extraordinaire. Because what I did, was extraordinarily, idiotic.

I smile. Yagami Taichi, courageous idiot extraordinaire; I think blearily my new title fits better, considering the recent events, as my eyes slip closed in the darkness.

Yeah. Extraordinaire. Classy.

Classic.


	5. Application of Differentiation: Part 1

_Application of Differentiation_

* * *

I love soccer. If you know me, you'll probably know that.

But even if you know me, you might not know why I love soccer.

I love soccer because it gives me the sense of freedom I've always wanted. It's not like studying, where your mind is bogged down by a set of notes and even in Maths, you have to follow formulas even if you can come up with your own solutions to the question as long as you get the answer. So that's why my favorite subject is Maths, so far, it's the subject which allows my answers the most freedom. There's no one to criticize me and say I'm wrong just 'cause I don't follow the book. If I'm wrong, that's 'cause my answer is wrong and if I'm right, my answer must be right. There's no argument. It's straightforward and logical.

Political science is another area I'm interested in but not many people know that either. I guess my interest in the subject comes from my desire for freedom and my having been the leader. I'm a stubborn guy and well, political science is one way in which I don't feel confined. I always like to explore different avenues.

But let's get back to why I love soccer.

It's a feeling you can't understand until you've experienced it yourself. Until you're on the field with your teammates and running with the wind as you chase after the ball. Until you're the one to slide and kick the ball away from your opponent and shoot it into the goal with this rush of satisfaction, sometimes to the resounding cheers of your audience.

Soccer is freedom, it's fun and exciting and exhilarating and everything else I can't describe. It's like a drug, once you experience the exhilaration of scoring a goal, you can't stop and you just want to do it again and again. Chase after that ball everyone is clamoring after and be the one out of everyone else to get it in your way and strike it into the goal to win the game.

So I guess I love soccer because I love the thrill of the chase. It's not so much about winning as the adrenaline I can feel pumping through the blood in my veins, that solidarity you have with your teammates, the cooperation and teamwork. When you're on the field, it doesn't matter if you're short or tall (and in the past, whether you're a guy or a girl; just ask Sora), fat or thin, hot or ugly or whatever. You're just…there, with everyone else and if you want to win the game, you have to work together. No one can win a game like soccer alone. You need your teammates' help, your friends.

I guess in a way, soccer is like the Digital world, once you're in there, you're placed on the same platform with everyone else. You're with other humans, who become your friends, and you have to learn to work together and survive with your partner Digimon.

And like in the Digital world, in soccer, teamwork is key. All of us know this; my teammates, the other team, me, Daisuke, Sora, Koushiro, and of course, the genius, Ichijouji Ken.

And judging from the way Yamato is smiling, I guess he knows it too.

He's there in the audience and I don't know what to think. He's there with his distinctive blond hair and blue eyes and smiling as if nothing happened between us.

And maybe nothing did.

'Cause he's there, with Sora, even as our eyes meet across the expanse of space separating us.

"Taichi!"

My attention snaps away from Yamato to my teammate. I turn my head as he kicks the soccer ball towards me. I smile as I catch it with my foot, then kick it away quickly from our opponents to my teammate.

"Akira!" I yell.

Akira's nearer to the goal than I am, and he catches the ball, then heads for the goal. I sprint across the field as everyone chases after him and the ball. He's a skilled player, but the other team has a fast runner who intercepts him out of the blue. I grit my teeth and run after him.

He's a little away from the goal, and one of his teammates is in front of him. But instead, he smirks and gives the ball a hard kick, so hard that it flies past our startled teammate and straight into the goal.

I stare, as the supporters for the other school cheer loudly. I snap my gaze to the guy who scored the goal as the referee calls for a time break.

"Sorry guys," Akira says when we are gathered together. He scowls, "He appeared out of nowhere!"

"He's a fast runner and has a good kick," I admit reluctantly. My eyes narrow, "But, he has no teamwork with his teammates at all."

"We can take advantage of that." Mura agrees. So, what's the plan?"

"Because of him, the other team seems to be adopting an offensive strategy," I muse, thinking back to our opponents' layout earlier, "They're aiming to win. We'll have to defend our goal more, especially against that guy. I say we take an offensive-defensive approach."

"Alright," Saito, our captain, says, nodding his head, "Switch to Plan B, guys."

"Plan B." I agree, as the formation we had practiced run through my head, "Right."

We then turn to our coach, who looks at us then smirks, "Kick their asses, boys."

He doesn't have to say anything else. We're all more than aware of the effort we put in to win this competition, as Akira says, "Yeah!" He grins energetically as sweat slides down his neck, "They're aiming to win, but we will win!"

He holds out his hand, and one by one, we put our hands on top of each other, meeting each other's gazes. Akira, Mura, Saitou, Kuro, Takashi, Yuuri, Mido, Nagi, Shunsuke, and Fuyu.

"Nothing less than victory," my voice is as confident as the smile on my face as I revert back to the role of the leader. "Right, guys?"

"Right!" Our team choruses as one as we lift up our hands into the air.

The referee blows the whistle, signaling the break is over. As I head back to the field, I glance over at Yamato, who's smiling and in conversation with Sora.

My eyes narrow and I turn my gaze back to the front, to the other team.

I will win.

* * *

It's nearing the end of the second half, and we're tied with the other team.

That guy turned out to be a real bother. Sure, he fails in teamwork, but it's undeniable that he has skill in soccer.

But only skill won't get him far. It won't get his team far.

The guy's heading for the goal as usual. But I'm not worried, for he's alone. Sure enough Shunsuke emerges from the side and manages to steal the ball away from him, kicking it to Fuyu. Heh. Ikari Shunsuke, the ball snatcher of our team.

Fuyu catches the ball, and gives it his hardest kick and the ball goes flying through the air just as the guy reaches him. It lands in front of his teammate, but he's caught off guard and Yuuri easily takes the ball away and heads towards the goal. He's our dodger, and both Saitou and I knew his ability to dodge his opponents would come in handy.

One of our opponents almost gets the ball, actually he does get it, only to for it to be snatched away a moment later by Akira. Akira has the cheek to actually grin at him before he sends the ball to Kuro, who has the quickest reflexes of our team, and kicks the ball away just before two of our opponents intercept him.

We're reaching the goal soon, though we probably wouldn't have been able to do this if the other team weren't so scattered. Saitou has the ball now. He's the second fastest runner of our team and he wastes no time in sprinting towards the goal.

Of course, he's bombarded by the defenders of the other team who all charge at him. But, it's my turn.

"Saitou!" I yell as I sprint forward.

He flicks his gaze to me, and in the midst of our opponents, kicks the ball hard and high, shouting, "Catch, Taichi!"

The ball goes in a sort of loop, held suspended in the air, before it drops abruptly to the ground in front of me. I waste no time in kicking the ball and then sprinting forth, dribbling it with my foot. I'm the fastest runner of the team and I'm running so fast that everything around me gets blurry, but I don't stop. Most of our opponents are caught off guard, having surrounded Saitou and stopping him from heading to the goal. I smirk, for I bet they didn't count on him passing the ball to another at the last minute.

There are a few people stationed at the goal, but I reckon they aren't real defenders for I weave swiftly in between them, and bypass them easily with the ball. I'm just about a few damn metres away, and there's deafening cheering and I'm wondering if Yamato is cheering for me, but I quickly brush the thought away 'cause that's not what I should be thinking right now. Especially as that bastard has somehow managed to intercept me.

I know he's been waiting for this moment, been stalling his time to take the ball from me just before my team's moment of triumph. But I'm not surprised.

Instead, he's surprised because I swerve and give the ball a good kick to the side, knowing Akira will get it. I don't resist the urge to smirk tauntingly at him, before I bypass him, knowing he's heading to Akira. By this time, the ball's in my hands again.

Time is probably running out, but it's not the time to worry about that. We're so damn close, until the persistent bastard appears in front of me again – how the hell, I don't know, because Akira was on the other side of the field. Somehow, I know I only have a few seconds left. He's the only thing blocking me from the goal, from our victory.

My heart's pounding in my chest, I can feel the adrenaline racing through my veins and it's the pivotal moment, the moment where it's all or nothing, where your one action will decide whether your team wins or loses, where your whole team and the ones supporting you are counting on you. And my mind, at that pivotal moment, chooses the worst time to flashback to a certain time with a certain pretty blond with beautiful blue eyes.

_"I know you guys will,"_ the certain blond's smooth and confident voice echoes, and I can't help but smile, _"How could they not, when they have Yagami Taichi on their team?"_

But maybe it's not the worst time, 'cause the guy's still a bit too late, and just about a second before he intercepts me, before he does a soccer slide tackle, I've already anticipated it and shifted my body to the side and I slide past him first.

If you're looking at the situation it would be something like this. He does a soccer slide tackle, you know the kind of dangerous tackle which aims to get the ball away from your opponent but may injure him. I almost wish he attempted it from behind (then he would get a Red Card) but I don't as my slide kick (when you twist your body to the side, slide forward and kick the ball) is earlier and faster than his tackle and he doesn't hit or injure me as I slide onto the ground, and watch the ball as it flies, inches past the hands of the stunned goalkeeper. I smirk, knowing he was probably relying on the guy to get the ball away from me. Well, that'd teach them to never underestimate Yagami Taichi, star of Odaiba soccer team.

The ball slams against the net, and drops onto the ground. There's a sort of stunned silence for a while, before it erupts into deafening cheers. And I admit, I was sort of staring, a little stunned as well, you know the type of stunned where you manage to get the ball in at the last second, before you realize that you've won. That your team _won_.

"Time's up! And the winner is, Odaiba Middle School!"

We won.

…Fuck yeah! We fucking won!

And then I'm grinning so widely my cheeks hurt. I get my ass up from the muddy ground of the soccer field and sprint to my teammates, who are rushing from all corners of the field towards me.

Usually I wouldn't have minded if we didn't win, as long as we tried our best, 'cause that's what's important. But the taste of victory is delicious, fucking delicious especially as we won against that smug bastard and beat him flat! Well, not flat, but the point is that we won!

Everything's kind of a blur after that, and the adrenaline is still pumping in my veins but starting to fade away and I have to inhale deep breaths, before I'm crushed by my team and manly hugs and the breath is squeezed out of my lungs.

"Taichi man, you fucking bastard, you got us our victory!" Akira exclaims as he slings an arm around my shoulder and ruffles my spiky, messy hair, "Damn, I was kind of worried for a second there!"

"Yeah, even though you landed on your ass!" Shunsuke grins.

"Not so cool for the star of Odaiba soccer team." Nagi smirks.

"Yeah but that slide kick was way too cool!" Yuuri says admiringly.

"Well what do you expect of Yagami Taichi?" Kuro adds with a smirk.

"Always able to pull through at the last moment!" Mido says, adding his hand to my hair and grinning at Akira whose hand is still on my messy hair, "Bastard played dirty though, with that slide tackle of his!"

"Yeah, you could have gotten seriously hurt!" Akira agrees.

"G-Guys…" I manage, "I…can't…breathe…" I gasp.

"Guys, guys!" Saitou laughs good heartedly, "I know he's our star, but give a guy room to breathe!"

My thoughts exactly, Saitou!

Luckily my team listens to our Captain and withdraws from me, and I inhale sweet oxygen into my lungs, coughing a little.

"You alright, Taichi?"

"Yeah," I grin widely, brushing my wind swept brown hair back.

"Just breathless!"

* * *

"Yamato!"

I'm not really thinking when I run to him, I'm just happy at our victory, drunk on the taste of victory, and the sight of him, of my best friend; the one I love, just lifts all my senses up even higher and extols them until I'm hugging his surprised form and holding him tight in my arms and yelling excitedly in his ear, "Yamato! We won! I won against that bastard because of you!"

And it's nothing unusual, us hugging after an event. I mean, this isn't the first time I've hugged him when I'm overly excited and unable to control my excitement, especially after a victory. He even hugged me after the concert when I went to visit him backstage (not that band competition, another one), and he was grinning and saying how he was actually so damn nervous 'cause there were scouts watching and he wasn't entirely sure he would be good enough for them. It was a surprising but very nice feeling, and I told him with a grin, "You're Ishida Yamato, how could you not be good enough for the whole of Japan?" And he laughed, called me an idiot and made my heart skip a beat (no I don't like being called an idiot, he said it affectionately and he was in my arms!), lifted his head from my chest, looked me in the eye with his beautiful blue eyes and gorgeous smile and said, "Thank you, Taichi." I swear I could have kissed him then and there, right at that moment when his arms were around me and my arms were around him. But of course I didn't. I couldn't.

And that was the concert which gave Ishida Yamato and The Teenage Wolves national popularity. They're going to go international someday, I just know it.

By this time, when he's silent and surprised, I've already realized I made a mistake. My brain has caught up to my senses and I'm remembering that we're not exactly supposed to be talking right now, much less hugging.

I'm pulling away and about to stammer a rushed apology when to my surprise, Yamato reaches his hands to my shoulders, placing them around my sweaty neck and says, his blue eyes meeting with my eyes, and a similar gorgeous smile to that moment that seems so long ago on his face, "I know, Taichi. I knew you would win."

I'm pretty sure I'm blushing, because my face is warm and I've realized we're a bit too close, especially considering recent events. His hands are warm, and those blue eyes are so beautiful, and just like that moment in the past, I'm so close to kissing him then and there, right there in public and trying desperately to grapple for logic and common sense when a familiar feminine voice sounds.

"Taichi!"

…Way to ruin the moment, Sora.

I sigh inwardly, unhook Yamato's arms from around my neck then release my hold on him as he takes them back, before I smile and turn. "Sora."

Sora grins at me. She's not in her school uniform for once, but in shorts and her Circle Shirt – you know, the one we bought as a pair (I bought the Triangle one, partly 'cause it was blue and reminded me slightly of a certain someone's deep blue eyes) when we were still, well, close friends.

"That was amazing!" Sora says to me, her eyes shining. She giggles, "You make me miss soccer!"'

I blink, then smile at her, thanking whatever lucky stars I have (which aren't much) that she isn't glaring at me for hugging her boyfriend or anything. I mean, we were hugging in a pretty intimate way…

I brush the thought away, and smile. "Thanks!"

"TAICHI-SENPAI!"

…Ah, I know that voice. Heh.

"Daisuke!"

"Taichi-senpai!" Daisuke pulls to a stop in front of me, an amused Ken behind him. His big brown eyes are shining as brightly or even more brightly than Sora's, "Wow! You were SO COOL! I mean it's not like I thought you were going to lose 'cause I believed in you but man, that was way over the top- how did you do that and at the last second too; canyouteachmehow?_!_"

I laugh, and hold up my hands, "Hey, hey! Slow down!" I say, staring in amusement at my junior. "Teach you? It was pure luck! I didn't plan it or anything- I kinda just acted at the last minute!"

Daisuke stares at me admiringly, "Seriously? But that was- y-you're a natural soccer player, Taichi-senpai!" He's almost bouncing on the spot now, "Man, I really _really_ want to be like you someday!"

"Ahahaha…you flatter me, Daisuke!"

And he does. Daisuke's a good kid, and he has his head on right. He may be a bit dense and oblivious at times, but I gave my goggles to him for a reason. He's a great leader, a better leader than I currently am.

"Now, Daisuke," Ken speaks up in wry amusement, placing a hand on Daisuke's shoulder. I blink as I notice Daisuke seems to calm down, though he's still grinning, as Ken turns his gaze to me, "That was a great game, Taichi-san."

I'm just staring at him for a while, until Ken blinks, "Taichi-san?"

"U-Uh…yeah," I snap back to reality. I smile at him, "Thanks, Ken!"

Ken smiles at me, "No problem." He turns to Daisuke, "Then, shall we head to my house to do our homework, Daisuke?"

"But Ken, I don't' like Maths-!"

"No buts, Daisuke," Ken smiles, and I notice then that they're both holding on to plastic bags, "Unless you want to fail your Maths test again."

Daisuke looks like he wants to argue, but he pouts instead and sighs resignedly, "Fine." He mutters, "But we have to go get ice cream first!"

Ken makes a show of sighing, but he can't keep the fond smile off his lips, "If you say so, Daisuke."

Daisuke grins widely at him and punches his shoulder, "Don't pretend, Ken! I know you love the vanilla ice cream!"

Ken shrugs, and then turns back to us, "Well, bye," he smiles amiably, "Daisuke and I will be going."

Daisuke nods furiously, "Yeah! Sorry we can't stay!" He winks with a grin, then grabs Ken's arm, "Bye Taichi-senpai, Sora-san, Yamato-san! Let's go, Ken!"

I watch as Ken shakes his head and allows himself to be pulled along. I'm still looking at him, at him and Daisuke, when he turns to look at me, his gaze piercing right through me. I almost start, and Ken smiles and nods at me, moving his gaze to the side to Yamato, then turns back to catch up with Daisuke.

Could he have noticed? I mean, am I that obvious? But wait, he's a genius so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

They remind me…of Yamato and I. Of what we were. Daisuke reminds me of how I was in the past.

We're different people though, Daisuke and I. We may be similar, but we're different. I smile wryly. Look at what he thinks of Maths, and look what I think of it.

And I'm glad. I mean, I don't mind Daisuke looking up to me; like I said, he's a good kid. But he's grown up, through the Digital World, through the people he's met, through being the leader, through meeting his best friend. We're similar, but we're far from the same. He's no longer clinging onto me, trying to be like me, but walking his own path, his own life. Daisuke's growing up to be his own person, he's not growing up to be like me anymore.

And look at his best friend, and look at…mine.

Ken and Yamato are similar as well. They're both popular, have crazy fans, they were both loners. And they're both, dare I say it, pretty boys. Look at how the girls crowd them and scream their names.

But they're both different. So different. Ken doesn't have those beautiful blue eyes and that sun kissed golden hair. He holds the crest of Kindness (I still remember how he saved Daisuke that Valentines' Day when he turned all Kaiser) and not Friendship. He's not my best friend.

There's only one person who is, and he's looking at me now. And once again, I'm drowning in those deep pools of sapphire blue.

I wonder if he even knows.

"Taichi?"

"Yeah?" I say.

Yamato shifts his gaze, "Do you know that guy?"

I blink. "Huh?"

"I think he's approaching you." Sora says.

I turn, and still.

It's the guy who attempted a soccer slide tackle on me.

But he isn't looking at me.

He's looking at Yamato.

I thought he was looking at Sora, since he's looking in that direction, but as he moves closer, I'm sure he's looking at Yamato.

I don't like the way he's looking at Yamato.

What the hell is he doing here? He has the gall to show up in front of me after attempting such a dirty move?

The guy stops in front of us, his gaze still on Yamato. Now that we're not in a game, I notice he has black hair and black eyes. His hair is spiky, not like mine, more like the layered kind. His fringe is brushed to the side in what I suppose he supposes is a cool way- or maybe it's just the wind from soccer. And then he smiles at Yamato, ignoring Sora and me, "Hey."

I really don't like the way he's looking at my Yamato.

I watch as Yamato raises a slender eyebrow at the guy, "What is it?"

He sounds confident, but I can detect the apprehension in his voice, the slight wariness. I grit my teeth as the guy blinks, then smirks at Yamato and steps close.

Yamato looks like he wants to back away or take a step back, there's apprehension on his features and I suppose it's a defense mechanism of his, not trusting anyone who's not his friends or family. That's natural when you become a rockstar I guess.

"Hey." The guy says again, his gaze still on Yamato, still seemingly oblivious to Sora's presence and mine. He smiles, and then says words which I _didn't_ ever think would come out of his mouth.

"Want to be my boyfriend?"


	6. Application of Differentiation: Part 2

…He did not just say that.

"…What?" Yamato says in shock.

What the fuck did he just say_?_!

The guy doesn't seem like he noticed he said anything wrong. He just smirks in that annoying way of his and raises a casual hand, "I noticed you with, well," he waves his hand, flicking his gaze to me, "Yagami here. Oh yeah, that was a good game, Yagami."

I don't even attempt to smile, "Was it?" I growl.

"Yeah. I gotta give it to you, you're good. Guess the rumors about Odaiba's ace, Yagami Taichi, are true," he smiles, almost in amusement, at me, "What? Why do you look so angry?"

I smile grimly, "Oh, do I?" I slide my hand into my pocket, my fist trembling, "Well, I can't say I respect soccer players who play foul."

"Hey, relax, it's not like I attempted to slide tackle you from behind!" The guy says, and he's even smirking. He places a hand on his neck, "Fine, so maybe I went a bit too far. But I'll admit, I was a little desperate and it wasn't like you were hurt." He shrugs, "Yeah, so sorry 'bout that."

I stare, then narrow my eyes, my anger clouding the memory of that dangerous slide which I got a Red Card for back in elementary school. "Well yeah so," I shrug, "Why aren't you with your team?"

The guy raises an eyebrow at me, "Why aren't you with yours?"

"…Because I'm with my friends?"

"And your boyfriend?"

I choke, "W-What?_!_"

"Oh, so he isn't your boyfriend?" the guy glances at Yamato, and blinks. Then he smirks again, "I thought you were angry that I was trying to steal him away from you."

Yeah I am, so you better stop looking at him right now before I decide to pay you back for that dirty trick! Yamato's_ mine_!

"No he's my best friend," I manage to restrain myself, inhaling, "You like guys?"

The guy just shrugs and spreads his hands, "Why not? I like both," he says simply, "Beauty is beauty." He advances forward with a sly smile, looking at Yamato, "So…"

…That easy, huh? Well what'd you expect with his 'To-hell with it' attitude? Tch. He's different.

But that doesn't mean he can hit on Yamato! How dare he-

"Sorry," Sora says suddenly, cutting through my thoughts, "But he's my boyfriend."

It's a possessive statement, but she isn't glaring at him. She's smiling thinly at him, her arm around Yamato.

Her words jerk me back to reality like the strings tied to a puppet and I stop short.

Sora's really polite, but I guess she's always been. If Yamato was my boyfriend, I wouldn't have apologized, I'd shove the guy away and kiss Yamato right in front of his eyes. Why use words when you can use actions?

But let's not think 'bout that, 'cause he's not my boyfriend. He's Sora's.

The guy looks as Yamato seems to hesitate, and then places an arm around her shoulder.

It's an awkward moment.

"Yeah." Yamato says. He clears his throat, then looks up at the guy, "I already have…someone I like."

Yamato's arm is around Sora's shoulder as he says this and I feel my heart crack. I look at Sora, who's looking at Yamato, and I swallow, averting my gaze.

"Yeah," I say instead, turning my gaze to the guy, "Sorry, but my friend is already taken. So I'd appreciate it if you leave."

The guy looks at me. He then turns his gaze to Yamato, whose hand is still around Sora's shoulder. He then turns back to me, before switching his gaze to Yamato.

"Ah, is that so? That's too bad," he shrugs, then smiles and holds out his hand. "Well anyway, I'm Ryuu, nice meeting you."

His voice comes out in a drawl and I clench my fist as Yamato blinks, then hesitantly reaches forward to shake his hand. "Ah…nice to meet you." He mumbles.

He soon moves to pull away, but Ryuu holds on and I try to push my anger back as he smiles slyly, leaning close to Yamato, murmuring, "What's your name?"

"I-Ishida Yamato."

"Yamato huh?" I'm torn between annoyance and relief when Ryuu finally lets go of Yamato's hand and leans back, smiling at him. Who said he could call Yamato by his first name_?_!

"You alright, Yagami? You look…" his lips quirk, "Angry."

Tch. _Yagami_, huh?

"I'm fine." I say tersely, trying not to glare at the guy in front of Yamato. I don't' want to seem like a jealous boyfriend-'cause well, I'm not even Yamato's boyfriend. Hell, he's Sora's boyfriend. So Sora should be the one jealous, not me.

But Sora doesn't look like she's jealous. Well I guess it's 'cause she knows he likes her and not him. She's always had this confidence in her.

I bite my lip as Ryuu looks at me, as if scanning me. "Right…" he says, then shrugs, "Well, I have to go." He smirks, "Back to my school."

Finally.

"Right." Yamato says slowly. He hesitates as Ryu looks at him, then offers a hesitant smile, "See you…Ryuu-kun."

I try not to think of the reason why Ryuu gave Yamato only his first name. It's really hard not to.

"See you, Yamato." Ryuu smiles charmingly. He nods at Sora, then turns and moves past me.

"Hey," I'm clenching my fist when he says to me in a low voice, "You like him, don't you?"

"What's it to you?" I growl, not showing my surprise.

Ryuu turns back. "They don't look close," he observes. He turns to me and smirks, "It's pathetic really."

"They're not pathetic-"

"Not them. You." He meets my surprised eyes, then smirks wryly, "Be a bit more observant, will you?"

He pats my still shoulder. "See you, Yagami." He says casually. "Don't give up."

And before I can say anything, he leaves. Just. Like. That. And here I thought I couldn't dislike the guy any more after he made me angry on purpose. What _fucking right_ does he have-

"Taichi?"

It's not Yamato's voice, but Sora's. She's looking at me with concerned eyes and I try to let the anger fade away as she says, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." I say. I smile at her, looking away. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Taichi!" I hear Sora call my name as I walk away.

"Sora!"

No that wasn't me. I turn back and I see Yamato grabbing onto Sora's wrist. He's looking at her and shaking his head as she looks up at him almost disbelievingly. "But, Yamato!"

"No, Sora." Yamato's voice is firm. His grip seems to tighten. "Don't."

It's almost like he's commanding her for Sora slumps a little, but smiles at Yamato with softness in her eyes. "Okay…"

Yamato gives her a smile, and then turns his gaze to me. I'm not sure how he's looking at me, because I'm already turning back round and striding away with heavy steps, ignoring Sora calling my name.

I feel a sudden anger, jealousy, but it's accompanied by sadness and this sense of- betrayal. Not because Sora is with Yamato and Yamato is with her. But because he actually thought I was going to steal her away if she went after me. I can't believe it. He doesn't even- trust me enough, as a _friend_ to not steal his precious girlfriend away. Because Sora is my childhood friend, he thinks I like her that way, even love her?

News flash, Yamato. I'm not after your girlfriend. I'm after _you. _I love _you_.

But look how _that's_ gone.

"Hey, Taichi!"

I return to reality, and smile at my teammates with a wave as I walk towards them, "Hey guys, what's up?"

"What took you so long?" Akira says with a grin, "Talking to your girlfriend?"

"Nah."

"What's up? We're gonna go out and celebrate of course!" Shunsuke pumps a fist into the air with a wink, "You're coming right, champion?"

"Of course he is! He beat that jerk!" Mura says as he clutches the towel in his hand with a wry grin, "He showed him who's boss!"

"True, true." Saitou nods with a smile.

Fuyu smirks, "Yagami Taichi, star of our team."

"Awww c'mon guys," I hold out my hands, grinning sheepishly, "Don't flatter me! It was a team effort. I couldn't have done it without you guys."

"Well, you're still our champion!" Shunsuke declares and slings a friendly arm around my shoulder with a grin, "Don't be modest, Yagami."

"Yagami Taichi, modest?" Kuro smirks in amusement, "Are we talking about the same guy here?"

The team laughs at his words and I grin, the thought of my unrequited love temporarily leaving my mind, "You got me." I shrug, my eyes narrowing, "I wanted to teach that bastard a lesson."

"Cocky bastard got what he deserved." Akira smirks, hand in his pocket, "Man you should have seen the look on his face when you scored that goal!"

Everyone laughs, and even Saitou, our reserved captain, joins in, "Well come on," he says leisurely, "Are we going or not?"

"Of course Captain!" Shunsuke shouts right next to my ear, "I'm craving for good food! Gotta reward ourselves for all our hard work!"

"That's the spirit!" I say, giving my teammates a wink, "We won 'cause we had teamwork. Team spirit."

"Team spirit huh? Sounds good to me." Mura smiles.

"Hey, what about Coach?" Takashi pipes up.

"Yeah, we gotta invite him too!" Nagi nods.

"Yuuri and Mido went to get him." Saitou says, glancing back, "Seems like he's talking with the Coach of the other team."

"I think he's finishing."

"Soooo Taichi," Shunsuke's drawling and I blink, "You got a secret girl or something?"

"…Huh?"

"You seemed pretty distracted during our practices, man," Fuyu crosses his arms, "A special someone on your mind?"

Saitou blinks, then gives a wry smile, "The star player of our team is troubled with girl problems and I didn't know." He says casually. "What a bad captain I am."

"I-no!" I say, feeling my cheeks warm, "That's not it! Don't get the wrong idea!"

"Aw dude, c'mon, don't deny it!" Akira smirks and points at me, "You're blushing."

"Is it that Sora girl?" Mura smiles in amusement, "She's pretty cute."

"No, she's just my friend!"

"Yeah, that's what they all say."

"W-Well, it's true! Anyway she already has a boyfriend!"

"Ah, sucks for you huh?" Nagi says with a smirk, patting me on the shoulder, "I pity you man."

"Don't worry Taichi, you'll find someone better." Akira reassures. "There are plenty of girls who want the star of Odaiba's soccer team!"

"Yeah." I say distractedly.

I won't find anyone better than Yamato. Girl or guy, I won't find anyone I'll love as much as I love him.

"Taichi!"

I'm so engrossed in my thoughts that I don't register the sound of his voice.

"Taichi!"

Yeah, it's just my imagination. Yamato's with Sora. Why would he be calling me? I'm not hearing his voice. It's my imagination. 'Cause Sora's hearing it. Hearing his smooth, perfect voice as he smiles at her.

"Hey Taichi?" Shunsuke says.

"Yeah?" I reply dully.

"That pretty boy's calling you," Akira says. We blink, and he continues, "I think he wants to talk to you."

Did he just call Yamato pretty?

…Whatever, it's not as if he's mine.

"Isn't he from that band the girls are always talking 'bout?" Mura scratches his head, "You know, that Teenage something…"

"Wolves." I say. "Teenage Wolves."

"Yeah, Teenage Wolves," Mura says, and if it were any other occasion, I would be surprised, since Mura's not the type to listen to music, "That band which performed in the competition."

"You went?"

"Didn't want to, Yuki dragged me," he shrugs, "Said it would be exciting. I bet she just wanted to see him, she said something about wanting to see a pretty boy. Some pretty face bishonen."

Yuki's not Mura's girlfriend, she's his best friend. She came down to watch our practices a few times, and it's obvious he likes her more than a friend.

If only my life was that simple, that cliché.

"Hey Taichi? I think Pretty Boy really wants to talk to you."

Shunsuke removes his arm from around my shoulder, and I raise my gaze to see blue eyes, "Taichi," Yamato pants slightly, his cheeks flushed – from running. He inhales, then turns to look at the rest of my team, "Sorry, but can I talk to Taichi for a while?"

Mura shrugs, "Ask Taichi." He says.

Saitou blinks. "You're Ishida Yamato." He says.

"Taichi- I, uh, yeah?" Yamato pauses to stare at my captain in surprise. "Can I help you with anything?"

"Oh nothing," Saitou's smiling in amusement. "I just thought you looked familiar. My little sister always talks about you."

"Ah," Yamato blinks his blue eyes and I catch his smile out of the corner of my eye, "Well, thanks. Does she want an autograph or anything?"

Saitou smiles, "She already has one pinned on the wall of her room."

"Ah I see," Yamato gives a wry smile, speaking a little awkwardly, "Well, tell her I'm flattered." He gives his musical laugh and I hate my heart for skipping a beat.

"I'll tell her that." Saitou says simply.

But Yamato isn't listening to him, for he's turning back to me. Before he can open his mouth, I open mine, and say, "Fine, let's talk."

He smiles, but then starts as I grab his wrist and drag him away from my team. There's no way I'm going to let them hear whatever he wants to say to me.

"H-Hey, Taichi!" He says indignantly, "You don't have to pull me!"

I ignore him and continue pulling him. When we're a distance away from my curious team, I drop his wrist and turn to face him, sliding a hand into my pocket, "What do you want, Yamato?" I say casually.

He starts, "I-I just wanted to talk," he says, "About that day…"

That day, huh?

"There's nothing to talk about."

"…What do you mean by that?"

His voice is low and he's looking at me almost apprehensively.

"Exactly what it means." I say, looking away from his piercing gaze. "There's nothing to talk about, Yamato. We were both sexually frustrated and we took it out on each other."

Just like we did when we both wanted to return to our world, but couldn't. We both pissed each other off and fought yet that's what made us best friends, wasn't it, Yamato?

And now I want to go back to that time again. How ironic. I knew going on an adventure for 110 years (assuming Jyou's mental calculation was correct and knowing him, it probably was) was too good to be true. But if we had- perhaps things wouldn't have turned out this way. Perhaps this situation wouldn't have happened, for I would have 110 years to confess my love. And even for a stubborn idiot like me, that's way more than enough time. And you'll have, let's say, at least fifty years to think it over. And we would have years of moments together (assuming you'd return my love, since you wouldn't be with Sora, unless she beats me to it), until we have to return to reality. But that's not all- when we get back to reality, we'll still have our years ahead of us in the real world, see? And all those years would be the happiest years of my life.

Yeah right. If that really happened, it would have been too good to be true. If time in the Digital World hadn't chosen that moment to align with our world's, it'd really have been like a fantasy. Or not. Say Sora confessed her love for you too. Then you'd take, let's see, the fifty years to decide which of us to choose. And if you choose Sora, the rest of my sixty years in the Digital World would suck big time, and my life when we get back would suck even more, because Sora would be the one with the happiest years of her life. But then again, I'm sure she's pretty happy right now.

But of course that's only a hypothetical situation. Thank god for the realignment of time. More than a century together - who knows what'd would've happened to the rest of the gang too? I mean it was kind of obvious - Koushiro's fondness for Mimi (even if he'd never admit it, I guess opposites do attract?) and Jyou's concern for her. Though I'm sure their situation isn't as complicated as ours-and I'm not even gonna think about Takeru and Hikari, (and I'm not gonna think 'bout the possibility of Koushiro's love letter being for Hikari either 'cause I'm sure I heard wrongly or maybe he's just hiding his feelings for Mimi from her) they'd be way too young to fall in love, especially Hikari-

"What if I wasn't?" Yamato whispers.

The sound is so soft I almost don't hear him, but it brings me out of my thoughts (What the hell was I thinking anyway? See what you do to my mind, Yamato?). "You were," I say impatiently, not meeting his eyes, "Don't fool yourself, Yamato. You just wanted me at that moment, you don't want me-"

"And what if I do?" Yamato says so suddenly I turn my surprised gaze to him, and he meets my eyes with his beautiful, piercing blue eyes, "What if I said I wanted- no, I want you?"

"…Impossible." I voice my thoughts.

But Yamato shakes his head and steps towards me, breath passing from his lips, "What are your feelings towards me, Taichi?"

"Tell me."

I love you, Yamato. I love you so much. I love you in a way you can't love me. Even if you like me. Even if for some reason you don't like Sora anymore and you're interested in me. You will never love me the way I love you.

I love you so much it hurts. It fucking hurts.

And I can't even tell you that.

"You're my friend," I say. "My best friend."

"…Liar."

"Yamato," I say, forcing myself to meet his blue eyes and trying not to fall into them, "We're best friends, not lovers."

A silence reigns in which he looks at me with narrowed eyes, and suddenly he's striding toward me, grabbing my shirt, moving towards me as if to kiss me and I snap back to reality and push him away in time, panting, "What the hell, Yamato?_!_"

Yamato catches his perfect balance, then glares at me, "What's wrong, Taichi?_!_" He hisses, "Don't want to confront your feelings for me?"

Confront? I've confronted them so many times they're practically my demons.

"Yamato," I hiss back, "We're in public."

Hesitance flashes across his expression, but he says, "Afraid I'll taint your reputation?"

"Aren't you?" I grit my teeth, jerking my thumb, "Yamato, in case you haven't noticed, my team's just over _there_."

"Doesn't your reputation matter to you?"

He stares at me, then mumbles something.

"What?"

He snaps his gaze up, and I start at the hurt and pain in blue eyes which flash at me, "I said you're a jerk!" He yells, clenching his fist and squeezing his eyes shut, "You're really such a jerk!"

"You're a coward, Yagami Taichi!"

"Don't you think I know that?" I mutter under my breath.

But hearing it from him is something else, and it actually hurts to hear the one I love say those words, tell me I'm a coward, even if I already know it myself.

Blue eyes snap open to glare at me, "Isn't Courage the symbol of your heart?_!_"

I give a dry laugh, then smirk at him, "I'm no longer courageous," I say bluntly. "Not since that day." That fucking Valentines' Day when Agumon couldn't armor evolve.

But that's not the issue here. The issue was me.

It's always me.

"What day?"

I just shrug, and turn around, "Bye, Yamato." I say casually, and I think I did a good job of keeping the tears behind my eyes and the pain in my heart instead of letting it seep into my voice, "I have to get back to my team. I have a celebration to go to."

"Fine! Don't listen to me then!" Yamato spits, and I turn to see his blue eyes narrowed in hurt and anger and an involuntary pain rips through me, "I'll just go back to Sora's side!"

"You're already with Sora!" I yell back.

"Well, she was the one who told me to talk to you!" Yamato bellows, that hurt still in his voice, "And if you would even listen to me, you would know-"

"Know what?" I say viciously, "That you fucked her too?"

He stares at me, and I blink, then realize what just came out of my mouth. Oh hell, I did not just say that…

Yamato hangs his head, his bangs covering his face, "Do you really think that?"

_"No."_ My mind is screaming. _"No no no! I don't think that, that was just- I was just-"_

"Yes." My mouth says.

To my surprise, Yamato laughs. It's not his usual musical laugh. It's a dry laugh, caustic and it almost sounds as if he's mocking himself, "I'm a fucking idiot."

"What?"

Yamato lifts his head, and I almost flinch at the furious glare he gives me before he stomps forward, pulls his fist back and slams his fist into my face before I'm even aware.

The force is so hard I fall to the ground, my senses seeming to be aware of the pain a few seconds after as if they are just as stunned as I am. Before I can react, Yamato is on top of me, dealing punches, one to my already bruised face and another to my chest and causing me to almost choke.

I just stare at him as he punches me, stare at the tears in his blue eyes when he yells, stare at the twin tears which slip from his beautiful eyes, "What? Why aren't you hitting me back?_!_" My heart clenches at the pain in his voice, as if it shot through my chest, and I'm staring at him until he deals another hard punch to my face, swinging it to the side, "ANSWER ME!"

I don't answer him. What can I say? I don't want to hurt you anymore. I'm an idiot with words, and I knew if I spoke anymore I would just hurt you more. I'm an idiot with words, and that's why I'm not saying anything right now. Because I love you and I don't want to hurt you more, whether it's physically or emotionally. What kind of heartless bastard would I be if I punched you back and hurt you more than I've already hurt you?

I love you, Yamato. I don't want to just have sex with you. I don't just want you to want me. I want you to love me back. I want you to want to spend the rest of your life with me, dedicate yourself to me just as I have dedicated myself to you from the very beginning.

Because I won't accept any less than that. I can't.

My fucking heart's been through enough by you.

I manage a weak shrug and Yamato stares, then screams, "YOU BASTARD! Taichi, you_ idiot_!" He glares at me with his blue eyes full of tears. "I _trusted YOU_!"

And here I thought my fucking heart's been through enough. I hope it breaks soon, then maybe the pain would stop.

Yeah, it's a good idea to differentiate after all. 'Cause you see, Yamato, this is why you shouldn't have trusted me. You should have pretended nothing happened. I only end up hurting you again. And whenever you're hurt, I'm hurt ten times worse. And when I'm hurt because you're hurt, I end up saying stupid, idiotic and insensitive things that will only hurt you more. Like just now. And of course, that will make you even more hurt which will in turn multiply my hurt. It's a vicious cycle of hurt, see?

I wonder what would happen if I reached up and wiped those tears away from your eyes? Would it alleviate your pain? Or would you be angrier and more hurt and you'll hurt me more? Both emotionally and physically?

Yamato must have noticed me staring for the next thing I know he's punching my face so hard that my head is whipped to the side, and my vision blurs as a burst of pain shakes both my vision and thoughts, and his glare is wobbling in my blurred vision, but his eyes are still so wide, so blue and so beautiful-

"What are you boys doing?_!_ Stop!"

Somewhere in the midst of my thoughts, Yamato is pulled away from me. I lean up from the ground, panting as I stare as Akira and Shunsuke hold Yamato back and he struggles in their hold, screaming, "LET ME GO!"

"Taichi! Are you alright?_!_"

It's Mura by my side, and I blink dazedly and say, "Yeah."

"What the hell did you think you were doing_?_!"

I slowly get to my feet, my vision clearing to see Coach furiously glaring at Yamato, who's restrained by Akira and Shunsuke and not meeting his gaze.

"This is a school event so this is still school grounds and no fighting is allowed! What's your name, boy_?_!"

Saitou is standing beside Coach, looking on solemnly. He doesn't tell Coach what's Yamato's name, and Yamato speaks dully, "Ishida-"

"Coach," I croak, and he turns to me, "Don't. It's my fault."

"Your fault? You're the victim in this, Yagami!"

"Yeah, Taichi! He clearly attacked you first!" Akira says angrily, "We were watching!"

"You didn't even fight back." Shunsuke points out, frowning.

I shake my head, "It's my fault," I say and look at Yamato, who looks like he's trying not to cry. I swallow, "I provoked him."

"That does not give him an excuse-"

"Coach," I say tiredly, looking up to meet his eyes, "I know fighting isn't allowed. But it's my fault. I was the initiator of the fight, and the rule says you're not allowed to initiate a fight or involve yourself in a fight."

"So if you want to punish anyone, punish me." I inhale. "Please."

"Yagami…"

"Do I have to get down on my knees?" I say. "If so, I will."

I move to do just that, but Mura grabs my shoulder, "Hey, Taichi!" He yells, pulling me back up, "There's no need for that!"

"…Fine." Coach says, looking at me. "I won't report him."

I smile in relief, "Thank you."

At least Yamato won't get into trouble because of me. He's hurt because of me, and he's near tears because of me, but he won't get into trouble for fighting at least. That's one good thing, right?

"Release him, Akira, Shunsuke."

Akira and Shunsuke release Yamato, who's just standing still, staring at the ground. I'm staring at him when a feminine voice sounds, "Yamato! Taichi!"

Sora.

Sora's still a fast runner, back from her soccer playing days I guess (she was often forward - I should know since she was my partner 'cause we were the top two combination in the team), and she sprints across the field and is soon at Yamato's side, "What happened?_!_" She demands anxiously, "Why were you two fighting_?_!"

"We weren't fighting," Yamato says, his blue eyes dull, "I was punching him. He didn't hit me back. We weren't fighting." He says almost monotonously.

"Yamato," Sora places a gentle hand on his cheek and turns him to face her, "What happened?"

He looks at her, saying nothing. I stare at him and he turns his gaze to me, and life returns to his blue eyes and then suddenly he looks angry, furious, as if he wants to punch me or slap me or physically hurt me-

Sora notices. Her eyes narrow and then she looks so angry it looks as if she's about to slap me herself as she strides towards me and I brace myself for the impact when Yamato grabs her arm. "Let's go, Sora." He says tersely.

"Yamato-"

"Let it go."

Siding with your boyfriend instead of your childhood friend, Sora? What happened to friendship?

Oh wait, that's Yamato's crest, not yours. Yours is Love, isn't it? Do you love him, Sora?

Do you love him more than I do?

"…Fine." Sora says. "Let's go, Yamato."

What does she have that I don't? We're pretty similar, or at least, we used to be.

...Well, breasts for one.

But then again, I'm pretty sure I didn't grow boobs when I (almost) integrated with Yamato.

But that was just a one time thing. I'm not in an actual relationship with him.

Because Sora is.

He nods and she grabs his hand, pulling him away gently, not like how rough I was with him before. But it's Sora, and it's Yamato, and I'm not entirely surprised when she turns, looks me straight in the eye, and yells, "How could you hurt Yamato like this, Taichi?_!_"

"Sora!" Yamato's voice is as sharp as shrapnel, "That's enough. Let it go."

Sora bits her lip but concedes and nods and leads Yamato gently away, whispering something to him I can't hear, I don't want to hear, as I see Yamato smile down at her.

"What just happened?" Shunsuke breaks the silence.

I have no idea, Shunsuke. I doubt anyone has any idea. Good to know I'm not the only one confused.

"Well," I shrug. "Just friendship problems."

"We can see that." Mura says dryly.

I sigh, "I made my best friend angry and so his girlfriend who's my childhood friend is angry at me for hurting him and making him angry." I say. "So now they're both angry at me."

"Ishida Yamato is your best friend?" Saitou asks.

"Yes." I jerk my head, "Sorry for the delay. Can we go now?"

"Wow." Shunsuke says, "Your life sounds complicated, man."

"Kinda cliché," he says. "No offence."

If only you knew, Shunsuke. If only you knew.

You don't know half of it. What I've given you is the cliché version. Without why my best friend is angry at me, because I refuse to tell him my feelings towards him. My romantic feelings.

That's right. I'm in love with my best friend. My male best friend. Not so cliché now, is it? That's who my special someone is. A guy, not a girl.

But it's a version I doubt you'll accept.

"Well, now that that's over, you guys wanted to go celebrate your victory?" Coach says.

The team perks up, "Yeah!" Akira yells, "Finally! I'm starving!"

"You're always starving." Shunsuke comments.

"Shut up! I played a great game okay? I used up a lot of energy!"

"We all did." Saitou says, smiling.

Fuck it.

I sigh, then plaster a smile onto my face as I look at the eager faces of my team and the wryly amused one of our Coach.

Sorry Yamato, but you're not my entire life.

"Yeah guys, let's go."


	7. Application of Differentiation: Part 3

I'm not sure where I am.

I think we're in a club.

And I think I'm a little drunk.

Wait, I'm underage, I'm not supposed to be drunk.

Ah fuck, who cares.

It feels, good.

…Wait, remember, Yagami. What happened before this?

We went to that sushi place and had a great buffet with coach, and then coach left for he had something on, and Nagi, Mido and Yuuri left 'cause it's past their curfew. So that left Akira, Shunsuke, Saitou, Fuyu, Takashi and me and Kuro. Someone- I think it was Akira, said we should go to a club he knows. Takashi and Kuro refused, and so that left me, Akira, Shunsuke and Saitou.

And so now I'm here. Where are they?

"Taichi?"

I jerk, then turn, almost losing my balance, "Saitou!"

"You alright?"

"Y-Yeah," I say to my Captain, holding a hand to my head, "Just, a little woozy."

He looks at me, "You're drunk."

I shrug, "Can't remember," I say dazedly. "I think I am a little, Akira, he-" I stumble.

"Get a hold of yourself." Saitou says as he grabs my shoulder, speaking patiently. "Taichi."

Yeah, that's our captain, always patient. He has to be, with our rowdy team.

Of course, he's smart enough to not get drunk.

If Coach ever finds out, he'll kill us all. Well, he'll kill me, Shunsuke and Akira. And maybe Saitou for allowing us to go ahead with it.

Looks like you won't be so safe after all, Saitou.

And if that happens, well, Odaiba soccer team will be losing four talented soccer players - three forwards or strikers (though I can be a midfielder too even if I much prefer the striker position) and one Captain (whose style is versatile).

If he finds out, that is.

"Where are Akira and Shunsuke?"

"They left some time ago," Saitou says, looking at me with disapproving, dark eyes. A flash of _pink_ disco light goes over his face, and I resist the urge to laugh madly at the crazy contrast, "Shunsuke didn't want to be here, and fortunately Akira was coherent enough to follow him out."

Of course. Akira and Shunsuke are best friends. They joined the team together.

…I miss my best friend.

"Why are you here then?"

"I'm your captain," Saitou says in a matter of fact tone, "I have to look after you."

…Mature as usual, huh Saitou. You've always been the most mature of the team.

In fact, you kind of remind me of…

"Hey, Saitou…" I lean towards him, smiling and moving my hand to him, "Can I…"

"Taichi," he catches my wrist, and gives a sigh. "You're drunk."

"Pull yourself together. What would Yamato say?"

"…What?"

"Yamato. Ishida Yamato," he looks at me with a wry smile, "What would he say if he saw you like this?"

"What are you saying?"

"I know you like him."

I start. "I don't-"

But Saitou cuts me off, which is unusual 'cause he usually doesn't interrupt when someone's speaking, "I have a boyfriend," he says, "You might as well know."

"…You're gay?"

Saitou shrugs, not looking embarrassed at all, "I love my boyfriend," he says, his eyes holding a certain fondness I've never seen before as he looks at me, "I saw the way you looked at Ishida."

_"You love him."_ I wait for the words, but Saitou just stares at me.

I bite my lip, and he says, "Don't do something you'll regret, Taichi."

I already have, Saitou. I have done too many things I regret.

What's another?

But I can't impose this on him, not when he's trying to help me, not when he just revealed to me his secret which I didn't even know existed.

"Okay." I say. "Okay."

I step away from him, and say, "I…need to be alone," I blink twice. "So I'm just going to…"

I turn around, and walk away on unsteady feet as Saitou calls me. "Taichi."

I don't reply him. The lights are too bright but I'm afraid if I shut my eyes I'll black out. My vision is blurring and my head is spinning but then I see a glimpse of blonde.

_"Yamato?"_

"Yamato." I breathe as the head of golden hair turns, "Yamato…"

I see pretty lips curve into a smile and blue eyes twinkle, "Why hello there, handsome."

Handsome? Yamato doesn't call me that.

"Why are you calling me that?" I ask, and blink, "It's Taichi."

"Taichi it is then," slender arms curl around my neck and I sigh, "You're very handsome, Taichi."

"Kiss me?"

_"Kiss me, Taichi._"

"Yes." I smile. "Yes. Of course…"

I lean forward, but for some reason I stumble and my lips touch soft skin instead of pretty lips. There's a giggle and I blink, "Oh Taichi, you naughty boy."

"You want to touch me? Go ahead."

I smile against the soft skin, "Really?" I slide my hands up his shirt to rest on a flat stomach. "Mmm. Yamato…"

"Yamato? Is that the name of your girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend? Yamato you're-"

My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I make an annoyed sound, withdrawing a hand to reach for it, "Who is it?"

My hazy vision registers a message flashing on the screen as I access it.

_I'm sorry._

I blink, and type back.

**What?**

"Taichi?"

My phone vibrates in my hand.

_I'm sorry for just now, Taichi._

I stare at the reply. I blink, then blink again. I turn my gaze to the blonde _girl_.

Oh shit.

I yelp, my eyes widening as I quickly withdraw my hand from her shirt, "Sorry!" I say, "I-I thought you were someone else!"

_Her_ blue eyes widen in surprise, "W-Wait-"

But I'm already dashing away.

* * *

I'm looking around for Saitou when I hear his voice, "Taichi."

I turn around, "Saitou." I say. "Sorry for leaving you there. I-"

"Going back?"

I blink, then nod. Saitou smiles and nods at me, giving a shrug, "Shall we walk to the train station together?"

I blink again. We're outside the club and I nod, "Yeah, sure." I say, raising a hand to my forehead, "I'm sober now though, so you don't have to worry, Captain."

"Good to hear." Saitou says and we head off together.

* * *

"See you on Monday, Taichi."

"See you." I wave to my Captain. He smiles, and I watch as he turns, taking his phone out of his pocket. His smile widens, and I wonder if it's his boyfriend.

It isn't every day you find out the Captain of your soccer team is gay, or at least bisexual, but the things that have been happening aren't exactly normal.

It's a good thing I didn't drink that much, but my head is still pounding. It's late and the train is almost empty, and the doors are closing as Saitou walks away. I lean my head back, holding my phone up to my eye level, the message from Yamato still on the screen.

_I'm sorry for just now, Taichi._

My hand drops, and I close my eyes as the train rumbles.

* * *

Being the idiot I am, I forgot my keys again. I'm standing in front of my apartment door and I sigh and reach a hand up to ring the doorbell.

I wait for a while, hoping it isn't my mother. Dad would be forgiving, since he himself used to come home drunk at night. But if it's Mum, she would kill me. My best bet would be Hikari, but she's probably sleeping.

The door opens.

Blue eyes stare at me.

…Wait. Blue eyes?

"Taichi!"

"Y-Yamato." I say in surprise. I blink. "Wait, I'm not at the wrong house, am I?"

"Eh?" Yamato says. He blinks at me. "This is your house."

"I…see." I say. "Well, what are you doing here so late?"

"I- was just leaving," he says, his voice hesitant. "You didn't reply me, so-I figured I'd come over, I know it's really late but your Dad opened the door for me and I just had to apologize to you in person…"

It's almost surreal. Maybe I'm still drunk. Maybe I fell asleep on the train. 'Cause Yamato's standing in front of me, in my house, and he wants to apologize? He came all the way here just to _apologize_? For something that's _my_ fault?

…I need to get my brain working again.

I groan softly and clutch a hand to my head. Fuck, my head…

"Right," I say, moving into the house, my house, "Right…"

"Sorry Taichi," Yamato's soft voice sounds, "It's just, I couldn't sleep…"

I blearily register that he sounds hesitant, nervous, not like his usual self at all, he's even speaking politely. Perhaps, if I had been more coherent, I would have tried to find out the reason.

But I'm not. I just want to sleep, and I have Ishida Yamato in my house.

But I know Yamato and I know he has his pride. He must feel really guilty if he came all the way here to apologize to me.

I sigh and collapse onto the couch, wanting to just curl up and fall asleep. "It's alright, really…" I say, raising my gaze to Yamato who followed me, "It's fine…"

Yamato looks at me. He's biting his lip and then suddenly he's not there, and I blink as I feel arms around me, a head on my shoulder and breath brushing by my ear, "I really am sorry, Taichi," he murmurs, "I shouldn't have done that. Your friendship is important to me."

"I-uh yeah, right," I say, feeling suddenly awake 'cause Yamato's practically straddling me, practically sitting in my lap. It's night, and it's only him and me. No Sora. Just him and me. And I can smell him, feel his golden hair against my chin and why the hell is he talking about _friendship_ when we're in such an intimate position, when I can feel him like this- I should-I mean, it's just-just one time-

Before I even know what I'm doing, I'm grabbing his wrists and pushing him off me onto the couch, leaning over him and staring into deep, wide blue eyes.

"T-Taichi?" Yamato whispers.

Maybe it's 'cause I'm still a little drunk but he looks, beautiful, delicious, with his lips parted, his golden hair spread out, his pretty blue eyes wide, and as I feel a jolt of arousal, I want nothing more to lean all the way down and take those lips for my own, that body for my own. He's in casual clothes, a simple T-shirt and loose pants, and it would be easy- so easy to take them off him and reveal his perfect body, slide into that perfect ass and hear his perfect voice as he screams my name-

…I can't.

What the fuck do you think you're doing, Yagami? What the fuck are you even _thinking_?

…Oh God.

My eyes widen and I shoot off him, my hands leaving his slender wrists. I back off to the end of the couch, staring at him with wide eyes.

What the hell was I doing?!

Control your fucking libido, Yagami!

"I-I'm sorry!" I stutter as Yamato gets up from the couch, his blond hair slightly messy and he brushes golden locks away from his face, "I'm sorry, I'm just a little, the alcohol went to my head-"

"I-It's alright…" Yamato says, staring at me and I must still be drunk 'cause I think he actually looks disappointed.

An awkward silence emerges between us, and I attempt a smile to distract myself from any wayward thoughts, "Anyway, you should go home, it's late. I mean, you know I forgive you right? It's not as if it's the first time we've fought!"

"Yeah…" Yamato's still looking at me. He smiles, and even in my hazy state, I can feel my heart skip a beat. "Yeah. I should go home." He says, "I guess Sora was right."

Huh? Sora?

"Sora?"

"She told me I should apologize to you," Yamato says, smiling wryly. He shakes his head, shrugging, "She's right as usual."

"But don't get me wrong, it's not as if I don't want to apologize," he says quickly, so I must be looking at him disbelievingly, "I just, wanted to do it the next day…or evening. Or Monday. Delay it a bit…I thought you were really angry at me, you had the right to be…" he bites his lip, and gives a wry smirk. "I was wrong. You're not the coward, I am."

"I couldn't even apologize to my best friend, I was being so selfish. If it wasn't for Sora…"

He laughs, then smiles at me, and holds out a hand with a wry smile, "Friends, Taichi?"

It's a testament to the distance in our friendship that he's actually asking. But it's good enough for me now, and I extend my hand, and return his smile.

"Always, Yamato."

Nothing less than that.

But also nothing more.

He smiles, clasps my hand, then withdraws his hand to cup my cheek almost inadvertently. "Are you alright?" He says, kneeling on the couch and leaning his slender form towards me, "I didn't hit you too hard, did I?"

You've just hit me hard Yamato. Right here. Right in the center of my heart.

"I'm fine." I say, feeling a vague sense of déjà vu.

"But, there's a bruise, I think…" Yamato murmurs, and I refrain from shivering, closing my eyes as I feel his calloused fingers sweep against my cheek, "You should get this treated…do you have a first aid kit?"

I shrug and open my eyes, and is it just the alcohol or is his face just inches away from mine? "You're too close."

He blinks as surprise enters his blue eyes and I blink, then manage a smile, "Come on Yamato, what are you, my personal nurse?" I attempt to joke, "It's not like it's the first time you hit me!"

He flushes a little, and it's appealing on his pale face in the dark, "Well, that's…" he shakes his head, "Nevermind. I was just worried…" he mumbles, and I can't help but find it cute as he averts his sapphire gaze, "And, I know I really used all my strength this time…and you didn't even hit me back."

That you did. Whoever says Ishida Yamato is just a pretty boy in a band is so wrong. They should be the ones getting the brunt of his fist.

Or mine.

"I mean, it's not like that time I hit you when Agumon was controlled by the Kaiser. I just did it to snap you back to your senses, I wasn't _that_ angry, I didn't use my full strength-" he's almost rambling now, and I know Yamato talks fast when he's nervous but I can't figure out why he is, so I put a finger to his lips. He stops abruptly. "…Taichi?"

…Shit.

Damn it, alcohol's really getting to my head.

Fuck alcohol. Akira is so dead when I see him on Monday.

Gotta act cool, Yagami. Gotta act like it's normal to silence your male best friend by placing a finger on his lips as if he's your boyfriend.

"Sorry," I say, smiling dazedly, "It's just, my head's pounding right now, and you're talking too fast."

I feel his mouth form an 'O', and I slip my finger away, clenching my fist. He seems to accept my hastily made up explanation as he blinks his too pretty blue eyes then draws back before I can do something stupid like kissing his soft lips, cheeks flushed as he murmurs, "I see."

I watch as he gets up from the couch with grace, his golden hair swishing in the near darkness, and says, "Then, if you're alright, I'll be going." He says. "You're fine…right?"

"Yeah. Bye, Yamato."

He turns, and smiles at me. "Bye, Taichi." He says. Then almost as if in an afterthought, he adds, "Sora will be glad to know we've made up."

And then he walks to the door with his usual grace, not like me, the clumsy idiot who actually let his libido get the better of him again, stuttering and blabbering, and not even able to reassure his best friend that it's not his fault, and that the selfish one was me and that he doesn't even need to apologize.

And that you're right, Yamato. I am a coward.

If only you knew how right you were. How much of a coward I really am.

I'm such a coward that I couldn't even get Agumon to evolve anymore, on that day.

Courageous idiot extraordinaire? Cowardly idiot extraordinaire is more like it.

I've lost my courage.

"Yamato," I say lowly, softly into the air as he steps out of the door, because I'm a coward with no courage who can't even apologize to his love's face, "I'm sorry for making you cry."

And I think he paused for the slightest moment, but maybe it's my imagination or the alcohol vision because he doesn't say anything, doesn't turn to smile or frown at me or even look at me. He just continues walking, as if he hadn't heard me.

But I have a feeling he did.

Yamato's gone now, with all his grace, and I don't resist the urge to bury my face in my hands, thoughts running through my pounding head.

Fuck.

This isn't even some yaoi anime. If it were, at least I would have people, fangirls and maybe some fanboys scolding me and calling me an idiot for letting her get him and not doing anything about it.

Because that's what I am.

This isn't fantasy, it's reality. There's no one sympathizing with my unrequited love for him, because no one except me knows of its existence. Even he doesn't know.

It's as if it doesn't exist.

But I know it does.

That's why it's unrequited. How can one reciprocate love when one isn't even aware of its existence?

But, it's not as if he'll return my love if he knows anyway.

He's so perfect. Not because he's Ishida Yamato but because, he's him. He's Yamato.

So I suppose my unrequited love is a good thing, for I don't deserve someone like him.

All I've done is hurt him. I hurt him when I rejected him that day. There was pain in his voice when I pushed him away. And I'll never forget the hurt in his blue eyes, those two single tears that rolled down his cheeks, the way he stared at me, as if I had just shattered his trust in me, and ground the shattered, broken pieces into the muddy field ground under my shoes streaked with dirt.

I don't know why, but I know I did something idiotic. And I don't even know what exactly it was. But I shouldn't have been so cold, shouldn't have been so selfish, should have listened to what he had to say.

Maybe then we could have a chance together.

…Right. I'm not that drunk.

Because it's better if I don't.

Yamato…he might be emotional, but he doesn't show those emotions obviously. I've never seen him cry since that day all those years ago.

And this time, I'm the cause of his tears.

Yamato's hurt, and it's all because of me. No one's hurt him for so long, he hasn't been hurt like he was in the past for so long, and when he is, it's his best friend whom he trusted, who hurts him, who cracks his fragile heart which he himself sought to mend, who shattered his friendship and trust and fumbles with the pieces in his usual idiotic, clumsy way, only managing to piece them back together because of the one he hurt.

I remove my hands from my face and look up, vaguely feeling something wet on my cheek.

Yeah, this is enough, really. That we're still friends after such a heated argument and (one-sided) fight.

I'll differentiate from him, differentiate from him and Sora. At least, I can trust that she won't hurt him like I did.

And because it's best if I'm alone.

Without you, Yamato.

But even now, you're still on my mind.

I lean my head back against the couch, a tear sliding down my cheek as my eyes slip closed.

Alone.

I love you, Yamato.

I'll see you in my dreams.

Because there, there's only you and me.

* * *

_A hundred days have made me older_

_Since the last time that I saw your pretty face_

_A thousand lies have made me colder_

_And I don't think I can look at this the same_

_But all the miles are separate_

_They disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face_

_I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind_

_I think about you baby, and I dream about you all the time_

_I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams_

_And tonight, there's only you and me_

**_-_****_Here Without You_** By 3 Doors Down


	8. Asymptotes and Parabolas

_I'm like an asymptote._

_An asymptote between two parabola._

_Or make that two asymptotes._

_If Yamato and Sora were parabolas, I (my feelings) would be the asymptotes, the two dotted lines cutting through in between them and preventing them from interacting. _

_Of course the natural distance between the two parabolas (curves) would contribute too, but what's in between the two parabolas, in the distance which separates the two parabolas curving towards each other is two asymptotes, two dotted, straight (hahaha) lines blocking them from meeting each other._

_I'm like those lines._

_'Cause there's a reason why the parabolas never touch the asymptote. _

_Nearly touching, but not quite._

_They never touch._

_But of course, the asymptotes are dotted lines, and in a way, they can be considered 'invisible'. _

_Yup, just draw two inverted Us, one with the vertex (you know, the middle part of a curve) facing the right and the other facing to the left. So the two parabolas should be on either side of the x-axis, and what's in between them would be me, the two asymptotes as two dotted lines, diagonal, overlapping each other to form a cross._

_Hahaha. A cross. That's funny. It's as if I'm saying to Yamato and Sora, 'No, you can't be together!", with my feelings for Yamato._

_See how mathematics can illustrate even emotions?_

_Which is, in a way, kind of ironic._

_Oh but speaking of parabolas and graphs and inverted Us, I found this graph with the y-axis as 'Performance' and the x-axis as 'Arousal' (High Arousal, Low Arousal)._

_And that, sent me laughing into hysterics. Until I wondered who the genius was who came up with this and clicked the website and found that it was actually a graph on stress management._

_And I was kind of gaping after that._

_But it was still funny._

_And it helped me cope with my broken heart._

_See what you have done to my mind, Yamato?_

_You've not only screwed up my heart, but you've also fucked up my mind. And 'cause thoughts of that graph led to other things, I had to take care of a little problem after that._

_I'm really screwed up, aren't I?_

_But back to my parabola mathematical analogy._

_I've always wondered why asymptotes are dotted lines. Why draw lines if they can be considered to be invisible lines?_

_Well maybe it's 'cause the lines are there and the parabolas know that but they don't know it consciously. They know there's a force preventing them from being together but they don't know what it is. And so, they're separated. _

_Like I'm sure by now, that Yamato knows I have feelings for him – he just doesn't know the extent of those feelings. And Sora, the way she looked at me then, on that soccer field when I made Yamato cry…it's as if she knew I had feelings for him, feelings for her boyfriend; but she didn't know how to go about dealing with the situation. _

_I could see it in her expression._

_And people might think an athlete, that Yagami Taichi, star of Odaiba soccer team is only interested in soccer and maths and girls. But people are wrong, most people, 'cause he's interested in stuff like music too and he's actually interested in a guy and he can tell what people are feeling, he's not dense. He knows when people are feeling bad and depressed 'cause he knows what it's like to feel that way._

_And 'cause he has Ishida Yamato as his best friend. Ishida Yamato, rockstar of the school and of the year. Ishida Yamato, perfect student excelling in his studies except Maths and Chemistry (but he's working on that) Ishida Yamato, who though isn't an athlete is a fantastic swimmer. Sweet, amazing, prettily handsome, perfect Ishida Yamato, who's wanted by all of the girls in the school and girls outside of the school as well. And maybe even some guys. I can't be the only one, can I? He's practically a walking wet dream. A very sexy and hot walking wet dream. Before I saw him, really saw him when he grew out his golden hair and came out of his shell, I never knew wet dreams could come to life. Of course, that was around the time I started to discover what exactly wet dreams were. And was it a nice discovery._

_Yeah Yamato, you've definitely fucked up my mind. And libido. _

_…Anyway. Ishida Yamato isn't only all that. He's also the best friend of Yagami Taichi. Yeah, Yagami Taichi, star athlete and ace striker of Odaiba soccer team, top scorer in Maths and doing fairly well in the sciences and Ishida Yamato, lead singer and rockstar of The Teenage Wolves, beating the rest in the Arts (like Literature with the Shakespeare thingy; still don't know what or who that is), progressing in the sciences and more athletic and fit than you would expect a musician to be. I've heard some girls say we make the perfect friends. Two highly different individuals with different areas of interest fitting together ("Even the way they wear their blazers is different!"), change that last word to 'couple' and you would be right._

_Haha. I wish._

_They do fantasize about us, though. As a couple. Overheard them talking about yaoi the other day ('cause they don't know Yagami Taichi knows about yaoi). But their fantasies are cliché and unreal. I did gain some amusement when they argued over who was top and who was bottom though. I think it went something like this:_

* * *

"Yamato-kun buttons his blazer and he's proper and pretty so he must be the uke! And look at how pale his skin is! Paleness is a sign of beauty! I'm sooooo envious! I wish my skin was as pale as his too! I wish I could touch his skin, but oh only Taichi-kun can do that! Look at Taichi-kun, he's athletic and outgoing and tanned and muscular with broad shoulders! He must be the seme!"

"No, Yamato-kun's athletic too! And the way he wears his blazer doesn't mean anything! He just likes to dress nicely- like a gentleman! He's so handsome and talented and cool and he's the leader of the Teenage Wolves, and he's taller than Taichi! He must be the seme! So what if Yamato-kun has pale skin - it just adds to his charm! Taichi-kun's so energetic, he must be the uke! And he has a high voice- well higher than Yamato-kun's anyway, Yamato-kun's voice is so smooth and cool! Taichi-kun'll be the genki uke!"

"Well the way guys dress must mean something! Yamato-kun doesn't like to be exposed and vulnerable and Taichi-kun is open to everyone! He can open up Yamato-kun's heart! Like when Taichi-kun unbuttons his blazer it's like he's opening Yamato-kun's heart!"

...Hey she's actually right. I mean, the part about Yamato not opening his heart - like back in the Digital World. And yeah I am open to everyone I guess. I thought I helped Yamato open up his heart, but...eh is that the reason why Yamato always buttons his blazer? I never asked but...he didn't stop me that time at his house...so he trusted me, in that moment?

I mean, I don't know _how he_ can stand it, it's so _hot_! Especially in summer! Back when we were still close (before he dated Sora) I tried to get him to unbutton his blazer but he'd just glare at me and say it's fine and shove my hands away! And then I'd pout at him but he would just continue glaring at me. Or ignore me. No matter how much I pouted ("But Yamatoooo! Aren't _you_ hot?! It's summer! I'm so hot! And _my_ blazer's unbuttoned!" I'd pull my blazer open wide to emphasize at this part- oh so that's why the girls were squealing so loudly I winced; but it's _not_ like I pulled my _shirt_ open-what's wrong with them?!) or gave him my best pleading looks (I think it's called 'puppy dog eyes') he refused (And he would cross his arms over his chest and blazer and then wrap his arms around his blazer almost protectively when I reached forward to try to unbutton his blazer again, lean his slender body to the side and _glare_ at me with his narrowed but beautiful blue eyes, "I'm _fine_, Taichi! _No!_ _Get_ your hands _away_ from my blazer- _T-Taichi!_ I said _don't_, didn't I?!") to let me unbutton his blazer!

...Maybe that's where the girls get their yaoi fantasies from.

...What? It's not _my_ fault! I _didn't_ mean it that way! I was just trying to get him to unbutton that damn blazer! See?! It's _just_ a few buttons! And I _almost_ succeeded when I got fed up and pounced on him on his chair and forced his hands away from his blazer so I could unbutton it (I used one hand to hold his hands captive and the other to fumble with his blazer)-until he yelled (in this amusingly high pitched voice) at me, ripped his hands away from my grip and shoved me roughly away and I fell onto my ass onto the floor (So it wasn't so amusing at that time)! Which _hurt_, by the way! Damn Minamoto-sensei who said it served me right (he walked in to begin Homeroom and saw me on the floor) and that I shouldn't invade 'Ishida-kun's privacy'! I swear, that guy has a grudge against me! And Yamato didn't say anything to defend me!

Any-way! _Why_ do we have to wear a blazer anyway?! Yeah the girls gush about us looking cool but _they_ don't have to wear blazers and they don't know how damn hot it is to have to wear a blazer over your uniform to school everyday! And the long pants! Look! The sleeves reach my _shoes_! What's wrong with short pants?! Che! _Why_ is our uniform so hot?! They just want to torture the guys in this school! Look at the girls with their skirts which reach their knees; I think - anyway their skirts don't reach their _shoes_ like our pants do and they _don't_ have to wear a blazer, just a blouse with a ribbon, and _they_ complain it's hot! Hmph.

"And! Remember that blazer incident?! Taichi-kun was totally dominating Yamato-kun! He actually pounced on him and pinned his hands so he could unbutton Yamato-kun's blazer without any resistance! And Yamato-kun was blushing!"

...Ehhh you _don't_ have to _remind_ me, Suzuki-chan!

"Taichi-kun wasn't dominating Yamato-kun, he was just trying to unbutton his blazer because he was worried about Yamato-kun feeling hot! He wasn't molesting him! And Yamato-kun was just embarrassed! Yamato-kun is a cool guy and he wanted to keep his dignity! Taichi-kun was invading his privacy in front of the whole class!"

Finally! Someone who understands my true intentions! You're right, Hitomi-chan! But hey, I wasn't invading Yamato's privacy, I just wanted to unbutton that damn blazer! It was _summer_!

"W-Well, Taichi-kun is the ace striker of the soccer team! He looks to be around the same height as Yamato-kun with his hair! And Taichi-kun's voice is not that much higher than Yamato-kun's! Annnnd that just means he'd sound cool if he speaks to Yamato-kun in his cool, seme voice! And I'm sure he'll grow taller! Anyway height doesn't matter!"

...Wait.

...I have a seme voice?

Wow I didn't know that. Hey Suzuki-chan can you tell me how to use my 'seme voice' so Yamato will be drawn away from Sora and fall into my arms and confess his love for me? While blushing of course. Let's see...

Me: *In low, 'seme voice'* Yamato, I love you (Well that's true). I don't care that you're with Sora, I'm going to make you mine.

Yamato: *Blushing* Taichi...I love you too. The truth is, I dated Sora because I wanted you to get jealous and make me yours!

Me: Seriously? *Grabs Yamato's chin* Yamato, if you wanted me to make you mine you could have just asked. And yeah, I am damn jealous...

Sora: *Enters the scene somehow* Taichi! How dare you take Yamato away from me?! I don't care if you're my childhood friend, Yamato's mine!

Yamato: *Gasps* S-Sora!

Me: *Raises eyebrow* (I can't do that in reality, raise an eyebrow I mean, or if I do it I'm doing it unconsciously, I can't do it when I want to- anyway that's Yamato's style) We had a friendship? Oh yeah? Try and take him away from me, Sora. Yamato loves me." *Smirks* Right Yamato?

Yamato: *Blushes and avoids Sora's incredulous gaze* Y-Yeah. A-Anyway Sora you forced me to date you!

Sora: What are you saying, Yamato?! I didn't! I love you and you accepted my love for you because you love me back too! *Glares at me* Taichi this is all _your_ fault! You tricked Yamato! Yamato is my boyfriend! And Yamato I helped you get rid of Jun!

Jun: *Pops in out of nowhere* I heard my name! Ah, Yamato-kuuuun!

Yamato: *Freaks out* (Okay, this isn't so hard to believe) Taichi! Save me!

...

Yeah right. Like that'll ever happen. Sora wouldn't force anyone to date her, she's not that kind of person. And if Sora and I quarrelled over Yamato he'd be exasperated (assuming he knows) and glare at us both or something-anyway he's with Sora. And Daisuke told me Jun's interested in Jyou's older brother now. Huh. Guess she didn't like Yamato that much after all.

"It matters a lot! Have you _ever_ seen a short seme in yaoi?"

And looks like they're still quarrelling. Does it really matter? It's not as if I'm going to be in a relationship with Yamato anyway.

Oh yeah, that's why it's a _fantasy_, huh.

"Well Taichi-kun's height won't affect his bedroom skills-T-Taichi-kun! Were you listening?!"

Innocent blink. "Who, me? Listening?" Flash classic, charming Yagami grin, "What's that? You were talking about me, Suzuki-chan, Hitomi-chan?!"

"N-No- I mean, yes- mph!"

"Hehehe, sorry Taichi-kun! She's just nervous about meeting you!"

"Nervous?" Smile. "Why? I'm scary?"

"Of course not, Taichi-kun! You're not scary at all! You're handsome and charming and athletic and you'd be a great sem-mph!"

"Eh?"

"Sorry about that, Suzuki-chan's just a huge fan of yours!"

"Hitomi-chan!"

"Ahahaha, I'm flattered, Suzuki-chan!" Quick wink, "Thanks!" Turns with bright smile and wave, "Then, I have soccer practice so I'll see you girls later!"

"R-Right! Bye, T-Taichi-kun!"

"Taichi-kun!"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you're a seme or uke?"

"Hitomi-chan! How could you ask him that?! Taichi-kun please ignore her-"

Blink blink. "Seme?" Sheepish smile, "Se-me, you mean to attack? Grin, "Attack- you mean strike? Yeah I'm the ace striker in soccer, I thought you knew that!"

_"_O-Oh yes, Taichi-kun! You are the ace striker, indeed!"

"Yeah, striker- not seme!" Laughs, "I think you mixed the terms for kendo and soccer up, Hitomi-chan! Seme is to attack in kendo, right? I have a friend who practices kendo."

"Oh really!? I'm sure he must be a great seme too!"

Scratches back of head, "Well he practices kendo so I'm sure he can attack well! Anyway I really have to go or Coach will be mad." Smile, smile, "Sorry!"

"Oh! It's okay, Taichi-kun! Sorry for keeping you!"

"Hey, it's alright. Bye!"

And that's how you deal with yaoi fangirls.

"Bye! Hey hey Hitomi-chan did you hear that? Taichi-kun is so charming, right?! I'm sure he's a great seme! He said it himself!"

"Well he is charming- but Yamato-kun is charming too! He's _charismatic!_ And that's a classic feature of a seme! And he-Taichi-kun didn't say he's the ace seme, he said he's the ace striker! I'm sure if we ask Yamato-kun he would say he's a seme too!"

"...Would Yamato-kun even know what we're talking about?"

"...Probably not. But Taichi-kun..."

"Eh?"

"I think he did."

"Ehhhh?!"

"Nothing! It's just a feeling."

* * *

_That girl- Hitomi. She's sharp. If she noticed, have other people noticed too? Am I still being too obvious?_

_But Iori- as a seme? Haha! I don't think he even swings that way; and he's too young! I was trying not to grimace back there. Suzuki-chan and her fantasies..._

_...I don't know if I'm a 'seme' or 'uke' or whatever, I just know I love Yamato._

_Yeah, there goes my mind again. And my heart. I guess __**'x'**__ really is a constant._

_Right anyway, Ishida Yamato is the best friend of Yagami Taichi and that knowledge should let people know Yagami Taichi isn't as dense as he appears to be. But I suppose that's 'cause people don't know Ishida Yamato, don't know the different types of smiles he gives, don't know that one moment his blue eyes can be as warm as tender sapphires and the next they can be as cold as sharp icicles. They don't' know he likes to leave Yagami Taichi guessing on what the hell is he trying to say, and that even until now, he's keeping his thoughts from his best friend who still doesn't know what the hell is the constant C, even though he's the one with all the mathematical analogies._

_They don't know that though Yagami Taichi can't help but think sometimes that Ishida Yamato is worse than a girl with all his hinting and implications and sudden mood swings that screw with Yagami Taichi's mind, he's his best friend and he's learnt to read Ishida Yamato, read his expressions, the furrow of his eyebrows, the emotions in his deep blue eyes. They don't know that even though Ishida Yamato is a friendly guy, he's not one to express his feelings through words and he's not as open as he seems to be. They don't know that Yagami Taichi is in love with Ishida Yamato and he's long learnt to read Ishida Yamato, tell from the tone of his voice, what he's feeling even when he doesn't say it._

So they don't know that Yagami Taichi is not as dense as he seems to be, especially because he has Ishida Yamato as his best friend whom he is in love with.

And so they think the reason why cheery, happy go lucky, always smiling Yagami Taichi, is so down is because he likes Takenouchi Sora who already has his best friend, Ishida Yamato, as her boyfriend.

And they are partly right, that Yagami Taichi is suffering from unrequited love. They're just wrong on who that person is. It's not a girl like expected, it's a guy.

It's not Takenouchi Sora.

It's Ishida Yamato.

And even though people don't know, Takenouchi Sora, childhood friend of Yagami Taichi knows, that Yagami Taichi has feelings towards her boyfriend, Ishida Yamato.

And that is why there is tension between Takenouchi Sora, Ishida Yamato and Yagami Taichi.

Not your typical love triangle, is it? People are right on that at least, they're just wrong on who the one in the middle of the triangle is. It's not Takenouchi Sora, it's Ishida Yamato.

Triangle, love triangle. Just another example of how maths can illustrate emotions. Kinda cool, huh?

Speaking of triangles, I was ruminating on another not so cliché shape, wasn't I?

Oh yeah, I was thinking about parabolas and asymptotes.

And Sora's expression that day.

Because Takenouchi Sora knows Yagami Taichi has feelings towards Ishida Yamato.

She just doesn't know what those feelings are.

_And so the parabolas, Sora and Yamato are separated because of my feelings for Yamato. They can't get too close because the asymptotes are there, me and my stupid feelings are there, their best friend and childhood friend is there and they're worried for him._

_But they don't know what to do._

_Just as he doesn't know what to do._

_So he's extending himself, and even though he's invisible he's blocking Yamato and Sora from meeting each other. Even though he's tried to make himself invisible and he should be invisible he's still affecting their relationship. And because he doesn't know what to do, he's just forming a cross in between them and extending himself all the way to the distance of infinity, to get as far away from them as possible. And in the process, __**x**__, "Idiot Taichi in unrequited love" will increase with y towards infinity._

_But no matter how far away from them he is, he's still affecting them._

_Affecting their relationship together._

But he's never touching them. He never reaches them.

My feelings will never reach Yamato, and I will never let Sora be aware of my love for him.

Unless she already knows.

I've always thought asymptote was a rather strange word. But here's its meaning.

…Where's that paper? Ah here it is:

The word asymptote is derived from the Greek ἀσύμπτωτος (_asímptotos_) which means "not falling together," from ἀ priv. + σύν "together" + πτωτ-ός "fallen."

Interesting, isn't it? Even though the ancient Greeks were more into the Arts (Source: Yamato) it seems they have even influenced Maths.

But yeah, the asymptotes are not falling together. They're not falling together with the parabolas. The parabola doesn't fall.

They're falling alone.

My feelings are falling alone.

And I'm falling.

Alone.

* * *

We beat Diablomon.

And you know the excitement that comes with a victory-

…Ah wait, I probably should recap.

To how I got to holding Ishida Yamato in my arms.

* * *

So Diablomon came back from the internet- I mean, it all began when we got a message from Koushiro to meet him at the computer lab. He showed us images of us that have been circulating around the net, like me as a kid and Yamato with Sora and this lewd poster- Yamato frowned at that, I guess he doesn't like his relationship with Sora dirtied like that.

Anyway. Since I'm supposed to be the leader, I asked Koushiro if he could open the gate to the net, while Yamato commented that the Kuramon must be coming from somewhere. I don't know why (I'm a mess nowadays), I didn't even see Diablomon yet but he pissed me off (maybe 'cause why the hell does he have to choose now of all times to come back, oh wait maybe 'cause I'm a fucking mess and why did he have to show me that picture of Yamato and Sora with that kind of lewd implication and show _me_ as the immature, childish kid I was back then- bastard, you picking a fight? You want a fight? I'll give you a fight.), and I said we'll strike him down there. Hikari stood up in worry for me, and Daisuke ran and said he'd join. I wanted him to actually, but he had his own job to retrieve the Kuramon, and I told him that. Besides, he needed Ken to Jogress Evolve.

So because Daisuke didn't join us, Yamato and I went to the Net together. We were going to defeat a common enemy with Agumon and Gabumon but he didn't look at me. Not even once. Well alright, he did, once, but it was to convey our common goal, I think. I wasn't exactly looking at him either, but I did glance at him- well but I had to focus on the matter on hand and since I'm the leader (I'm still that if nothing else) I exclaimed for us to go, and Agumon and Gabumon warp evolved, this time only into heads, and we rode on them as they zoomed forth, clashing with a burst of light to combine into Omegamon.

We found Diablomon, and was he an ugly sight. There was a hell of a lot Kuramon, and Yamato said Diablomon was the source. Eventually, Hikari and Takeru joined us, and Angemon and Angewomon tackled Diablomon, holding him in place. Hikari called to me and I made Omegamon rush forward and pierce Diablomon with his sword. Then Takeru called Yamato and Metalgarurumon's head released his canon, straight into Diablomon, as Angemon and Angewomon darted quickly to the side.

But of course, since Diablomon is a stubborn bastard which refuses to die, when he fell down and was presumably destroyed, those plates which looked like Kuramon turned into real Kuramon. We were all shocked, (I mean, what the hell? How did that happen? Weren't there already enough Kuramon?!) and the Kuramon floated out (the little bastards) out of the gates, which closed.

And that's when we realized we had been tricked. But then Angewomon smiled and said to Hikari to not worry and to leave it to her, as she glowed with this holy yellow light.

And all I remember after that, was this blinding burst of light that I swear would have blinded me if I hadn't closed my eyes on reflex (Give a guy a warning, would you, Angewomon?).

Until we got back to the real world, that is. I definitely remember that. We (Yamato and I) were dropped out into the real world (good thing I didn't fall onto him), Omegamon was there, facing off against this digimon which looked like a monster, which I assume was Diablomon combined from all the Kuramon. So that was the tricky bastard's plan.

I'd like to say how Omegamon beat Diablomon with one fatal blow. But he didn't. In fact, he lost. Yeah, he put up a good fight, but he lost in the end.

Somehow, I have a feeling it's because of me.

Because when Omegamon collapsed and separated into parts and gave this tired groan as his blue eye faded into nothingness, all the courage I had felt faded away.

I was just staring, shocked. Yamato wasn't doing much better. He collapsed to the ground, and even though his hair covered his eyes (it's getting really long) I had a feeling he was trying not to cry. And that made me feel even more useless and discouraged, 'cause I couldn't even comfort him. How could I reassure him it would be alright when I wasn't even sure it would be alright?

I mean, I don't mean to boast, but Omegamon – he's our strongest digimon. Not because he's a jogress evolved digimon. But because he's a digimon that jogress evolved from two ultimate level digimon ; Metalgarurumon and Wargreymon. He's my pride. My emotions when Wargreymon and Metalgarurumon were heavily injured and Yamato and I went through the net to their sides, as we looked at our digimon in despair and when I saw Yamato crying out to the unconscious Metalgarurumon, my heart went out to him and I had this urge to protect both him and Metagarurumon and Wargreymon – or at least be there for Wargreymon, who's always been there for me, no matter in what form. And that's when these windows of people appeared around us and formed light figures as Metalgarurumon and Wargreymon grew bigger and bigger. And the light figures came towards us, and Omegamon was born.

And though Yamato has never said it, I'm sure Omegamon is his pride too.

Wargreymon and Metalgarurumon are already powerful ultimate level digimon – when we fought the Dark Masters who were all Ultimate level, we had to rely on their power. So it makes sense that them combined- Omegamon; would be one of the most powerful digimon.

Yet why did he lose? Why isn't he more powerful than Diablomon? Why?!

Is it because of me?

Again?

I would have gone on blaming myself, if Sora hadn't shouted for us to pull ourselves together. Yamato and I were surprised and we ran to her, and she apologized for being late. (This is just another example of the two parabolas meeting and yet the asymptotes |my feelings| are still there) Then Imperialdramon flew past and we raised our gazes. He fought Diablomon, switching to Fighter Mode and we thought we'd won (I guess Daisuke's really become a better leader than me), but Diablomon wasn't defeated.

And the rest, is history.

No we didn't die (If we had I wouldn't be existing right now), we eventually managed to defeat Diablomon ('cause we're the Chosen Children). I'm still not entirely sure how that happened, but Omegamon revived, and combined with Imperialdramon and he charged forward (he was all white and gold and blue now), dodged Diablomon's bursts of energy and thrust his sword into Diablomon's massive head.

As we all know, Diablomon is a stubborn bastard and he disintegrated into Kuramon. And we thought all was hopeless (for they'd eventually evolve into Diablomon again) when this really familiar (but forgotten) sound pierced through the air.

That sound, was the sound Hikari's whistle made when I blew it, all those years ago when Greymon fought against that bird digimon.

It was the sound which revived Greymon and gave him the power he needed to defeat that bird digimon.

How nostalgic.

Yet, why now? Why now, after so many years?

Is it just in my head? Or is the whole of Tokyo Bay hearing it? The whole of Japan?

Have I gone mad?

And then, another surprising thing happened. The sound of a harmonica resounded throughout the air.

Yamato's harmonica.

Which had brought tears to my eyes in the past.

Yamato looked surprised, as surprised as I was when I heard the sound of Hikari's whistle.

But we weren't given much time to think on that. Another sound filled the air – music. It was a catchy tune, before another tune joined it.

But as a beam of light headed towards Imperialdramon's (Omegamon's) held up sword, many beams of light soon joined it and getting it, I, Sora and Yamato held up our digivices (said by Gennai to be the holy devices) and they unleashed these beams of light towards Imperialdramon's sword.

What happened next was a really amazing sight. Omegamon's sword released this huge explosion like a bomb, but it was made of light and the Kuramon were all sucked into it, disappearing through the light in the sky, and back into the net, as the light closed over like a cloud as we looked up into the sky.

And that's it! The end! Of Diablomon and those annoying Kuramon!

I hope.

Anyway yeah, it was like the soccer game, but this time, the excitement was mild. So mild I was just, contented. That even if Yamato and I have grown apart because I've differentiated myself from him and Sora, we still managed to work together like in the past, and beat Diablomon with Omegamon (well technically it was Imperialdramon, but still, Omegamon gave him his power), fused by our emotions.

That's enough for me.

Yeah, it is. And so, that doesn't explain why I almost let slip my feelings for him.

Actually, I did let slip.

* * *

_You'd think it would be a sort of romantic encounter, standing with the one you love on a mini hill under the bridge in Tokyo Bay in the bright and early morning (I'd say the Rainbow Bridge would be more romantic, except it isn't a romantic scene). After defeating the enemy of course._

_But it's not, even when you haven't seen the one you love for so long._

_He's there, right in front of me. So yeah, he's been in front of me all this while, by my side, but he hasn't really been looking at me and I haven't really been looking at him either. (Except for when Agumon and Gabumon evolved; I couldn't help but glance at him then, and for a moment, our eyes met, as if we'd decided to put aside our differences for the sake of defeating a common enemy) But we've just beaten Diablomon (again) and I'm seeing him now._

_And he's seeing me._

_Yeah, I wish I could look away, I wish I didn't look at him in the first place (it was so much easier to focus on Sora and defeating Diablomon, let's just ignore the fact Omegamon was able to revive probably 'cause I was thinking of Yamato) but I am, and those blue eyes are still so beautiful, and god, I guess, even after not seeing him for so long, I still love him. I wish I could say it to him. Aishiteru, Yamato._

_"…What?"_

_...What? Why is he looking at me with that shocked look? Oh god, don't tell me I said that aloud!_

_So much for not being romantic, Yagami!_

_"What?" I reply back, blinking even though I'm internally panicking. _

_Yamato looks at me, and I must have really missed him because Kami-sama I really did say that out loud- "What did you just say, Taichi?"_

_"I said something?"_

_Shit, shit. What to do? I could say it's nothing, I mean I definitely can't say I said what he thought I said which was what I said but said I did not say when it actually is what I said but don't want him to know I said because I've been keeping it for so long and he isn't supposed to know!_

_You know when you commit a blunder, and it just comes crashing down on you afterwards? Yeah that's how I felt. Which is obvious. But because it's me, I couldn't have committed a small blunder. Like, for instance, if I had said, 'Daisuki' instead of 'Aishiteru' which would have been so much better because I could have laughed it off and said I was talking about __**Daisuke **__'cause you know, he and Ken really have good teamwork, we taught them well-ahahaha…what did you think I was talking about, Yamato? I think you've been listening to your band's love songs too much!_

_Nope. Because I'm Yagami Taichi, Courageous Idiot Extraordinaire, I had to say __**Aishiteru**__._

_"Taichi…"_

_Yamato's looking at me with narrowed blue eyes as if he's seeing through my pretense and oh Fuck, Yagami Taichi you idiot, quickly think of something! He doesn't look like he'll accept 'Nothing!' for an answer!_

_Aishiteru, aishiteru (don't say it again!) I mean I mumbled it (I think, since he isn't sure) so I just have to find another word that sounds similar- gah! What the **hell** sounds like I love you?!_

_Aishiteru…aishi…ai...tai? I want to see you? Nah I'm seeing him! Uh, ai…ta…argh why does everything with 'ai' have to be associated with love?! _

_…Wait. Ai…ta…katta?_

_"Never mind," Yamato is saying, still staring at me with a – disappointed look? He smiles at me, "I guess it was just my imagination-"_

_"Aitakatta!"_

_"…Eh?"_

_I flush, but repeat, "I missed you, Yamato." I say, meeting his surprised eyes, "That's what I said."_

_That's right. I missed you, Yamato. I wanted to see you. Because I still love you._

_"I…" Yamato says softly. My heart skips a beat as he smiles that beautiful smile which I've missed. So damn much. "Aitakatta, Taichi. I wanted to see you too."_

_If my life were some shonen-ai anime or movie, this would be the part where some love song starts to play. Like, for example, Sen no Yoru no Koete._

**_I want to be loved, but you don't seem to love me. I'm wandering aimlessly within this repetition. And the answer I found is only one; that even if I'm scared, even if I'm hurt  
I'll say "I love you" to the person I love._**

_Yeah. After a thousand nights. I want you to love me Yamato, but you don't. And I'm just going around and around in circles in my unrequited love for you. And I only have one answer which is always the same. That even if it hurts me, I won't say "I love you" to the person I love. _

_But maybe that's why I said it out loud. Maybe I was hoping- hoping for some kind of miracle fuelled by too much listening of that song ('cause hey, don't you love music?)- that you would love me back (for why else would I confess?), or at least accept my love for you._

_Yeah the song's sad, but it's also optimistic. I wish I could be that optimistic. But I'm in reality now. I've always been._

_I wonder if last night was the Thousandth night? Or will it be tonight?_

_Before I can stop myself, my body is moving towards him and my arms are bringing him close to me._

_He starts in surprise in my arms, "T-Taichi?"_

_It's been so long since we've hugged, too long, and I hold him tightly, smiling sadly. This would be the perfect opportunity. After our victory over Diablomon with Omegamon, after seeing him again after so long, after a thousand nights maybe, I tell him I love him; I have all along._

_ See, Mum? Music can be applied to my life!_

_I love you. I love you. Aishiteru. I said it once, didn't I? I must have. Even though I tried so desperately to take it back. Come on, it's just one word, Yagami. Just one word and three syllables and maybe you'll finally feel better. Because he'll finally know, and he won't be hurt by you avoiding him._

_"Sorry." I say, not looking at him. "It's just, I…"_

_"You?" Yamato whispers._

_"I…"_

_…Why? Why can't I say it? It's a once in a lifetime opportunity!_

_…Because I'm scared. Because I don't want to be hurt. Because I don't want to see him looking at me in shock or sympathy, I don't want him to see me differently. Not after so long. I want him to remember me as who I was, how I was for him, not who I am right now._

_ "Nothing," I close my eyes, a wry smile on my lips as I hug Yamato for the last time, keeping the tears behind my eyes. "It's nothing. I just missed my best friend."_

_Sora's gone- she said her mother wanted her back to help with the flower shop, and we waved goodbye to her. (After we beat Diablomon, she seemed really happy and she linked her arms with ours, I and Agumon were yawning and so were Yamato and Gabumon I think, we were really sleepy, but I'm sort of glad she's not angry at me anymore) Sora smiled at us before we left, and I think she caught Yamato's eye. I'm not sure what she was trying to say to him. But Yamato's girlfriend, the girl he likes, maybe even loves ('cause didn't he say he loved her that Valentines' Day?), is not here. It's just me and him. _

_God, I love him. I still love him. I'm such an idiot._

_I feel Yamato bring his arms around me, and I feel my heart soar at the contact, but crack at his words, "I missed our friendship too, Taichi," he murmurs, chin on my shoulder, "Why did we grow apart?"_

_Because you're dating Sora. Because I love you and you don't love me back. Because you told Sora you loved her on Valentines' Day. Because I want you and Sora to be happy, even if it breaks my own heart. Because I don't want to take away my childhood friend's first love. Because you would be happier with her than you would be with me. Her crest is Love, isn't it? Love is the symbol of her heart. Not mine. Or yours. Yours is Friendship._

_So many reasons, Yamato. Which should I tell you first?_

_None. Because I've lost my courage, now that I don't have to protect everyone like when Diablomon destroyed Omegamon. _

_Protect you._

_But now that Diablomon has been destroyed by Imperialdramon with Omegamon's sword filled with everyone's hopes, I don't have to protect you anymore._

_I'm the holder of Courage, yet Courage is so fleeting. Somehow, when Sora came, even if it was at the last minute, somehow, my Courage grew. When she told us, told me to pull myself together, Courage returned to me. Maybe because she's the holder of the crest of Love. And ironically, she reminded me of my love for the one who treasures friendship._

_Seeing Imperialdramon- seeing Daisuke and Ken trying so hard and not giving up, gave me Courage. It all passed so fast. One moment I was just staring at thin air, then Omegamon's eyes in Metalgarurumon's and Wargreymon's heads were glowing, then next there was this strong gust of wind and I think Sora was surprised and clutched onto my shirt (and I think I was surprised because she came to me and not Yamato) and then thoughts were running through my head so fast – Imperialdramon, Daisuke and Ken, everyone, everyone's hopes, Sora, Love, Yamato, everyone counting on us, counting on me, I'm supposed to be the leader, I'm supposed to have Courage, Yamato-**how** could Omegamon fall? How could our emotions fail against Diablomon, whom we beat before? Nowecan't fail. We **won't** fail. I won't fail us, Yamato. I won't give up, even if, by the expression on your face which I know even without looking, you seem to have. But **I** won't give up. My emotions for you won't be defeated so easily. My emotions for us. I have to do something- something, not stand there like an idiot staring blankly at blank space when you collapsed onto the ground in despair when Omegamon collapsed. I'll make it up to you, I promise. You and Sora and everyone else. _

_Courage. I still have it. Courage is still in my heart._

_I won't lose. I- We can't lose here, not now. _

_And then I was brought back to reality by Agumon's voice, reminding us, that we've never given up until the very end, echoing my very own thoughts. He said he entrusted our (their) and everyone's hearts; would trust in our hearts, as Omegamon glowed with this holy, yellow light, (which reminded me of the one which Angewomon glowed with back in the Net) and his blue eye came to life._

_And then he became a holy ring, filled with everyone's hopes, and shot up into the sky._

* * *

"Taichi?"

And that's where I am now.

"Sorry, I was just thinking."

"What are you thinking about?" Yamato asks with a wry tone to his voice, in a way that makes me think I should know why.

"Nothing." I say.

He looks at me, and frowns, "If you're thinking, it can't be nothing, Taichi." He says logically.

I sigh and remove my arms from him, separating myself from him and stepping away. "I was just wondering why Omegamon revived."

"Why?"

"Yeah."

"Why must you wonder why? Isn't it good enough that he revived?"

I shrug, "I don't know." I say, looking to the side. "I was just wondering."

There's silence for a while, as I avoid his gaze, and he disrupts it with his soft voice, "Did I do something wrong?"

"…Eh?"

Yamato gives me a wry smile as I look at him, "I did, didn't I?" He says. He steps towards me, "What did I do, Taichi? I already apologized for that day, didn't I?"

"Are you still angry about that?"

"No." I said in surprise. "I'm not angry. I thought you were angry with me!"

"I wasn't angry with you- I was, but it was my fault," Yamato bites his lip, "I mean, you already made clear your intentions, having thought about it, I didn't have a right to get angry."

"I…I'm not angry with you, Yamato." I manage.

"Then…why are you so cold?" Yamato says lowly, looking at me, "You haven't been this cold before…what happened to you, Taichi?" He inhales, meeting my eyes. "Why…can't you tell me what's wrong? Don't you trust me?"

"Why are you avoiding Sora and I?"

"I…"

He looks at me in a sad sort of way which makes my heart clench in my chest. He lowers his head, and clenches his fist as his golden hair falls over his eyes. I think for a moment he's going to punch me, but he merely says, "Listen to me, getting all emotional…" he seems to swallow, "I'm an idiot, really."

"What- no you're not an idiot!" I exclaim, jabbing a thumb towards myself, "Yamato, the idiot is me!"

"But I am, worried over someone who doesn't even care-"

"Who says I don't care? I do!" I grab his shoulders, looking at him with wide eyes, "I care for you greatly Yamato!"

He snaps his head up, "Then why won't you tell me what's wrong?! You haven't even been talking to me!" He shouts at me, his voice choked, "Even after I- with Sora-" a sob leaves his throat, "But you didn't even _care_…"

"Y-Yamato-"

He glares at me, "Why did you have to choose now of all times to be cold?!" He says angrily, "We've beaten Diablomon with Omegamon and yet you still," he inhales, then chokes, "You're still…so distant! I don't like it!" He squeezes his eyes shut, "I really don't like it!"

"You're Yagami Taichi! You're my best friend! So why…are you _leaving me?!"_

"I'm…not leaving you!" I reply once I've gotten over my surprise, moving to grab his arm, "Yamato, I'm not-"

He shrugs my hand away angrily, and I start. "Then why aren't you by my side anymore?!" He screams at me, "You were _always_ by my side!"

"B-But I'm standing beside you now – I was there with you when we fought Diablomon-"

"That's different! Of course you were there! You had to be, we had a common enemy!"

I watch, still, as Yamato's blue eyes fill with tears. "Yamato…"

Yamato lowers his head, "Why…am I acting this way?" He says, as if to himself, "You don't even care."

"I do care, Yamato-"

"You don't!" Yamato interrupts, and I stop short. My heart cracks as a tear slides down his cheek. "Why…are you the only one who affects me like this?" He whispers, "You've always been…and yet…"

"I don't…want you to l-leave…"

Oh god.

"Yamato," I reach out a hand towards him to wipe the tear away, "Don't cry-"

"I'm not crying!" He snaps and pushes my hand roughly away- again. "Don't touch me!"

What…should I do? I've made him cry again. I've made Yamato cry again. Even though I tried so hard to differentiate myself, to not trouble him with my feelings, I end up troubling him. I've made the one I love cry. Again.

Why do I always make Yamato cry?

I bet Sora has never made him cry.

Another plus point for her, and another minus point for me.

Scratch that, make it a thousand minus points.

Who else but Cowardly Idiot Extraordinaire Yagami Taichi can make Ishida Yamato cry?

I stand still as tears slide down Yamato's cheeks and he trembles. When he lets out a choked sob, I can't restrain myself any longer and I leap forward to bring my arms around him. He struggles, but I hold him tight and whisper by his ear. "I'm sorry, Yamato," I say softly, "I'm so sorry."

How many times have I apologized today? Sorry, sorry. Will an apology do? Will two apologies do? Will three? If it'll make you stop crying Yamato, or at least lessen the pain in your heart, I would apologize a hundred times. But I know it won't. Saying 'Sorry' can't solve everything.

But saying sorry is better than saying nothing. I remember when Diablomon first attacked and I was in a quarrel with Sora. Huh, that seems so long ago, even if we've just defeated Diablomon again. But it's not enough to get into a quarrel with Sora, I had to anger my other good friend as well; Koushiro. I was really stubborn then, stubborn and prideful – I didn't like what Koushiro was saying, he scolded me for freezing the computer and I said I didn't do it on purpose (I was panicking then and I really didn't do it on purpose) and he shouted at me that this was why Sora and I got into fights.

That took the wind right out of my sails. Stubborn idiot that I was (and still am), I still tried to rebuke, but I told Koushiro about what happened – our argument over her hat, and about how I did apologize in that email I'd sent her. She forgave me after the whole incident of course and I guess she got my email, but looking back, one thing I'd learnt then was that I didn't understand the people I cared about.

I didn't understand Sora either when she ran away from us. I didn't understand her when her crest of Love couldn't glow, I didn't understand why she was so affected and chalked it up to her being a girl. And when she started crying, I didn't understand why either, and I asked you what to do. And you said to let her cry if she wants to. Even back then, Yamato, you were mature, and you understood Sora better than I did. That kind of irked me and made me feel left out and inferior –'cause isn't she supposed to be _my_ friend? Aren't I supposed to be her friend – someone for her to rely on? Why was it that I didn't know what to do and you did?

But I guess, deep inside, I admired you for that. Your coolness, your calmness, your ability to understand people, understand your friends, the people you care about.

Because I only understood myself.

Yeah. I didn't understand. 'Cause I ended up fighting with Koushiro too, angry at how he was caring about whatever mails when we were losing the battle, and he got angry with me. Koushiro doesn't get angry easily but I didn't care about that, all I cared about was my own, selfish emotions. I'd have pummelled him, then and there, if you hadn't yelled at us then that this was no time to be getting into fights. And I realized, that you were right.

I apologized to Koushiro afterwards, for coming close to blaming him again when he said that the only way to stop the nuclear missile was to defeat Diablomon, one by one. I wasn't even looking at him, but even Koushiro understands people better than I do, and he told me it was fine.

Yeah, I guess I was really selfish then. Selfish and stubborn, impulsive and hot headed. All the negative things you can think of. All the things we got into fights for. And I'm still all that, but I'd say I've mellowed out. I guess this is all a part of growing up. And falling in (unrequited) love. With you, Yamato. You've made me a better person, you know? Not much better, but better at least.

There were times when I couldn't be strong. Times when I was disappointed in myself. And there are still those times, especially in this period of my life. But I kept trying, because I had you.

But even if I don't have you anymore, I'll still keep trying. I'll still keep trying to become a better person, because that's what you would want.

Because I still believe in you. No matter when, I'll always believe in you.

If I'm still not a good enough person, I'll start again from here. I'll continue trying until I can become someone worthy enough and deserving to be your best friend, Yamato. I don't know how, but I'll try. It doesn't matter if I do it a hundred times and make a hundred mistakes (or maybe I already have), I'll get it right.

Because right now, I don't deserve to be your best friend. Not if I keep on hurting you like this, not if I've brought you to tears with my stupid, unrequited love for you.

I guess what they say 'bout love making you a better person is true.

You give me Courage, Yamato, you know that? But you're also the one who takes my Courage away.

Yamato has stopped sobbing for the moment and I pull back, and look Yamato in his tearful blue eyes, "Yamato, you can punch me as many times as you want. You can break every bone in my body for being a cowardly idiot," I say, meeting his eyes, "You can hurt me as much as you want, if it makes you feel better."

"Because I do care about you. A lot. And I hate seeing you cry." I bite my lip.

Just like I didn't know why Sora was crying, I don't know why Yamato is crying. I don't know the whereabouts of his tears. I only know he's crying, which means I said something wrong, did something which must have hurt him enough to make Ishida Yamato cry.

But at least now, I know not to joke, not to take things lightly like I did with Sora. I don't know why he's crying, I don't understand why he's crying, but I'm trying to understand why.

Am I saying the right words? Or am I not? Will he believe me – believe my feelings? I'm a total idiot with words. I just say what comes into my head. (I still remember, back in elementary school, learning kanji was so hard.) But at least, I guess speaking to him like this is better. At least if I'm saying the wrong words, I'll know, because I'll be able to see his reaction. I'll be able to apologize, and that's at least better than not even knowing I did something wrong.

Because I understand people better now.

But whether my words are right or wrong, they come from my heart. They have always, always, and will always come from my heart, in the past, present and future.

Please believe that at least, Yamato.

"I'm sorry. So…please don't cry anymore, Yamato."

"You're breaking my heart."_ – _I want to add, but I don't as Yamato's eyes are full of tears again (which probably means I said something wrong and I should shut up) and I pull him close to me because I was telling the truth – I hate seeing Yamato cry, 'cause every time he cries, it's because of me. When we were eleven, he cried because he was worried about Takeru, because I pushed him until his dam of worries for his little brother broke. When we were eleven, he sounded close to tears when he yelled at me when I said we should move on after Whamon's death, after his sacrifice for us. When we were eleven, we fought as Wargreymon and Metalgarurumon fought each other and there were tears in his eyes. When we were eleven, he cried when he came back to save me from Piedmon and I said I believed he would come. Those were the only tears which I was glad to see him shed. Those were the only happy tears he shed.

In contrast to that, Ishida Yamato has only made Yagami Taichi cry twice. When he fought with him as Metagarurumon fought with Wargreymon, when they were eleven. And when he played his harmonica before they had to leave for their world and brought tears to Yagami Taichi's eyes. Because the sound was so beautiful. So simple, but so beautiful. No other music had brought tears to my eyes before. Of course, stubborn idiot that Yagami Taichi was, he denied his feelings and called Ishida Yamato a jerk.

So technically, Ishida Yamato has only made Yagami Taichi cry once. And that one time was because Yagami Taichi was crying because he made Ishida Yamato cry.

Just like he is now.

Because I think there are tears pricking my eyes. And I don't know why.

I can almost hear the sad music playing in the background.

There's a burning feeling in my throat.

It's been so long since I've cried.

I have no right to cry.

"Stupid Taichi…" Yamato chokes, burying his (tear stained) face in my shoulder, his arms coming around me, as if to emphasize to me his fear of me leaving him, leaving our friendship. "You're such a jerk…" he sobs. "I almost hate you…"

Yeah, see? Even Ishida Yamato agrees that Yagami Taichi is the real jerk here.

Why almost, Yamato? You should hate me.

Then you would be hurting less.

And then my hurt would lessen as well.

It's not enough for you to break my heart with your tears, is it? You have to rip it apart with your words as well.

But if it's been broken and ripped apart, why does it still exist?

Why am I still hurting like this?

Because with every sound you make, Yamato, with every choked sound which tells me that even now, you're still trying to hold back your tears, with every sob that tells me the hurt you must be feeling to the extent that you failed, with every tear of yours that soaks my shirt, with every dagger of physical pain (apart from the painful squeezing you're doing to my heart at the same time) induced by you digging your nails hard into my back, you're slowly and painfully tearing my somehow still existing, hurting heart, apart.

Ishida Yamato has never cried in front of anyone but Yagami Taichi.

Because Yagami Taichi is the only one who makes Ishida Yamato cry.

Some kind of best friend I am.

I don't even deserve to be his best friend.

Much less his lover.

A tear slides down my cheek. I blink back the tears in my own eyes as Yamato drops his arms, and says, "Let me go…Taichi."

I let him go, and he steps back, swallows, and looks at me.

"Yamato-"

He turns away, his hair shading his eyes. "I apologize for that," he speaks shortly, "I lost control of my emotions."

I can almost see the cloak of his cool persona he threw over himself when he turned away from me.

He's not showing himself to me as Yamato anymore. He's Ishida now.

Ishida Yamato.

He inhales, "I won't punch you, since it is my own fault," he says, not even looking at me. He turns his head to the side, "Gabumon!"

I start. Gabumon. And Agumon. I'd forgotten they were there.

Gabumon runs up, his red eyes worried, "Yamato-"

Yamato cuts him off, "We're going, Gabumon," he says with an impatient jerk of his head, "Let's go."

Gabumon starts, but nods, "Right…" he says. He seems like he wants to question his partner, but Yamato is already turning and walking away into the dawn of a new day. Gabumon follows him.

I reach out to him, "Yamato!"

He stops for a moment. "What is it?"

I love you – I want to say. I do care about you, I love you, Yamato. I love you so much. I'm not leaving you, I'll never leave you.

The sunlight of the new day shines on his golden hair and on his pale skin, making him seem even more ethereal, more angelic, more untouchable. Going with the theme of Greek (mythology – courtesy of Yamato again), he's like some angel, some god, an angel disguising himself as a (beautiful) human in gloomy black, and I'm just some puny, lousy human (doesn't it fit – tanned skin, brown hair?) who shouldn't even be in his presence because all I do is hurt him (god knows how).

Do you know how beautiful you are, Yamato?

I suppose you don't, since you asked me if I wanted you. Even if I wasn't in love with you, how could I not want you? How could anybody not want you, once they get to know the real you? You're beautiful both inside and outside.

Yamato. You don't know you're beautiful, do you?

But that's what why you're beautiful.

What I wanted to do at that moment was rush forward, take him in my arms and confess my unrequited love for him, no matter his reaction. To hold him in my arms like just now and be content that at least for that one moment, he's mine.

But what I had to do was to drop my hand and bite my lip, forcing a smile onto my face. "I'm glad you're feeling better." I say. "Take care, Yamato."

He doesn't look back at me, doesn't even nod as he walks away from me. I clench my fist.

The asymptote never touches the parabola.

"Taichi?"

"Yeah, Agumon?"

"Growing up is tough, isn't it, Taichi?"

I look down at Agumon in surprise, who looks up at me with his big green eyes.

Agumon – my digimon partner. This is the second time he's spoken to me about growing up.

Agumon who told me I'd grown up when I encouraged Sora to confess to Yamato. I thought he'd thought I was giving Sora away, or he was just impressed I'd handled the situation maturely (at least I thought I was handling it maturely). But now I see he knew I was giving Yamato away. Wait that's not accurate, since I wasn't with Yamato. But I guess Agumon knew I was giving my chance to be with him away. When I encouraged Sora, gave her the courage to confess to Yamato, I guess...I lost my courage.

Agumon whom I felt so empty without, after that summer. So empty that I stopped playing soccer. Until that day he called me from the Digital World through the computer in Dad's room. He was grinning and imitating soccer moves and though soccer was something I hadn't played since then, seeing him so energetic energized me too. Because even if we weren't together, he was still so energetic. Back then, just knowing that was enough for me.

I began soccer again, soccer which gives me the sense of freedom I've always wanted, the sense of freedom I'd almost forgotten. I put my heart and soul into playing, not wanting to lose to him. I began to live again.

But now it's not a point of losing – we're not in a friendly match anymore. We're partners. We've always been.

He understands my feelings.

Because I'd almost forgotten.

He's the other me.

Agumon blinks at me. "Taichi?"

I blink back at him, then smile wryly. Yamato and Gabumon are gone and I turn to look up into the bright sky of a new day. Agumon follows my gaze.

"Yeah it is, Agumon."

* * *

The asymptotes are still falling.

Alone.

I'm not even going to bother to give equations to the asymptotes.

'Cause they're always going to be influenced by what Y is.

What Yamato is.

And what he is feeling.

* * *

_I want to be loved, but you don't seem to love me_  
_I'm wandering aimlessly within this repetition_  
_And the answer I found is only one; that even if I'm scared, even if I'm hurt_  
_I'll say "I love you" to the person I love_

_Do you love me? Do you not love me?_  
_As for things like that, it's fine either way_  
_No matter how much I wish_  
_There are many unchangeable things in this world, right?_  
_That's right, and simply the reality which says that I love you_  
_Is the truth because it can't be changed by anybody._

_I want to overcome the thousands of nights and tell you_  
_There's something that I must tell you_  
_I want to be loved, but you don't seem to love me_  
_I'm wandering aimlessly within this repetition_  
_And the answer I found is only one; that even if I'm scared, even if I'm hurt_  
_I'll say "I love you" to the person I love_  
_Putting these feelings into words is such a scary thing_  
_But I'll say "I love you" to the person I love_

* * *

_In this wide world, I can't express the joy of encountering you with words very well huh..._  
_That's why we smile,_  
_And sing do-re-mi in the autumn filled with vivid colors_  
_With winter at our backs, waiting for the sunlight shining through the leaves in spring_  
_To become born anew, in a way that we're able to protect someone_

_When I turn back at the road I came from and the way ahead, I always had the eyes of a coward_  
_I want to face you, but I can't be honest_  
_As for the days I repeated not being able to straightforwardly love the other,_  
_I hated being alone_  
_The me of that day seemed to love in a uninjured way._

_I'll overcome the thousands of nights and head out to meet you right now_  
_There is something that I must tell you_  
_I want to be loved, but you don't seem to love me_  
_I'm wandering aimlessly within this repetition_  
_And the answer I found is only one; that even if I'm scared, even if I'm hurt_  
_I'll say "I love you" to the person I love_  
_Even if these feelings aren't returned, saying "I love you" to the person you love_  
_That is the most beautiful thing in the world_

**____****-Sen no Yoru no Koete (After a Thousand Nights)**

**_By Aquatimez_**


	9. Reflections, Translations, Rotations

I'm not sure how long it's been since that day.

Diablomon hasn't struck back since March.

Yamato and I haven't seen each other since then. Except when (somewhere around June or July) we were kidnapped with Sora, Mimi, Jyou and Koushiro and taken to that weird place and deaged - by Chocomon- according to Daisuke. And well, he looked fine then- he looked, normal? Fine - as fine as one can look in such a cold place. I knew I was worried for Hikari (but she was safe in the end so I'm glad, she even told me Tailmon obtained Ultimate Evolution - Holydramon? A pink dragon, according to her.) and he for Takeru (Hikari said Patamon obtained Ultimate Evolution too; Seraphimon I think, another angel. Wow I guess now four of us have obtained Ultimate Evolution. I, Yamato, Takeru and Hikari. Cool, huh? I wonder when the others will attain theirs, I still don't know how exactly to obtain it, or why we did...) but my memory of that time is kinda blurry (I guess that's what happens when you're deaged and really disoriented and then suddenly you're back to normal)...it's a long, sad and complicated story of Daisuke's friend Wallace and his lost digimon Chocomon which Daisuke will know better than me (Daisuke's really grown up). It's another story.

But, Yamato and I are now third years and not in the same class anymore.

It's Summer. Like when we were first sucked into the Digital World. But it's not snowing now.

I've seen him, but he hasn't seen me.

* * *

A girl confessed to me today.

At least, I think it's a confession.

_Please meet me at the soccer field, I want to tell you something important. _That's a set up for a confession, right? I'm not dense.

I'm pretty sure it's a girl 'cause of the handwriting and 'cause most guys wouldn't be so polite. Unless the guy's name is Koushiro. That guy is still too polite for his own good! Or Iori.

And even though Yamato has neat, almost girly handwriting, if it were him he'd say something like, _Taichi, can we meet at the school gate after school today? Thanks._ He wouldn't be so formal. So it's definitely not him.

This isn't his handwriting anyway.

Why would it be him anyway – considering our last encounter?

So here I am, walking to the soccer field. Why there, though?

Well, it's not as If I can just turn back and go home, right? Confessing to someone requires courage and I gotta respect that, even if I don't even know her.

There's no soccer practice today so the field is almost empty- save for me and the girl. At least, I think that's her.

"Hey."

She starts, and turns around. "Y-Yagami-kun!"

"Sorry," I smile, "Did you wait long?"

"N-No!" She shakes her head. She's not a girl in my class. She looks like a normal girl, black hair just going past her neck, though her eyes are blue. But they're not the same shade of blue as Yamato's, more of an aquamarine blue.

…I really have got to stop thinking about him.

"Right," I say. I dig into my pocket and pull out the note, showing it to her, "So…you were the one who wrote this?"

"Yes." She says with a confidence that makes me blink my eyes in surprise. Her voice isn't too high like some girls, but it isn't too low either. "I wrote that."

"I…see." I say, not knowing what else to say.

She looks up and meets my eyes. "Sorry but…can I call you Taichi?"

"Eh?" I blink. "Yeah, I guess."

She smiles happily, her aquamarine blue eyes seeming brighter, "Taichi-kun, I'm Aoi," she says, "I'm sorry if this is sudden, but I really like you."

"Will you go out with me?"

Woah. Woah, pause, hold on man! Alright, I knew she was going to confess but isn't she supposed to be more, I don't know, hesitant, so I have the time to reject her gently? This is too direct!

"I-uh-" I stutter.

"Oh." She says, her aquamarine blue eyes losing their brightness, "I'm sorry, it seems I am being too forward. This must be too sudden, right?"

"No, I mean I kind of already knew-" I shake my head, then look her in the eye, "Why?"

The girl- Aoi, blinks, "Why?"

"Uh, yeah, why do you-" I bring a hand up to my neck, rubbing it nervously, "Like me? You don't even know me."

"I may not know you, but I've been…watching you," she smiles sheepishly, a slight flush on her cheeks. "I walk past the soccer field to the backgate to go home every day, and I couldn't help but notice you," she says, "You are very good at soccer, but that's not what I like you for. I like you because you're a nice guy, Taichi-kun. I like you because you treat your friends equally, you're not stuck up like some athletes, you smile at everyone and seeing you smile, makes me feel cheerful too," she smiles at me, "I watched your soccer game, and you were amazing. I really admire you." She says earnestly, "I may not play soccer, but I play volleyball and I can see your passion for your sport. I can see your solid teamwork with your teammates."

…How come I didn't know I had a stalker? Wow, I have so many good qualities? Since when? She's looking at me like I'm some god! When I'm just a normal guy with friends and who loves soccer!

"Wow." That's all I can think of to say as she meets my eyes with a bright smile. I smile back at her, "Thanks. But I'm not that great, really-"

But she shakes her head at me, "I think you are really special, Taichi-kun," she says, still looking directly at me. She smiles, "But that's what I like about you- your modesty."

Hey, hey – modest? _I'm _modest? Kuro would laugh his ass off if he heard this!

"Ahahaha…I really think you've got it all wrong!" I laugh nervously, "Aoi-chan, thanks for the compliment, but I'm really not modest at all! I'm not that great as you see me as."

Aoi blinks at me, and looks a little downhearted, "You mean, you don't believe me?"

"Eh? It's not that!" I wave my hands, giving her a reassuring smile, "It's just…"

To my surprise, she smiles, "Even now, you're treating me equally," she says, looking into my eyes, "You don't know me, but you treat me like everyone else. That's what I really like about you, Taichi-kun."

"I…uh…" I sigh, realizing she's serious about this. "Uh well, how do you know me?" I say. "I mean, I know you've been watching me, but how did you know what class I'm in?"

"I asked my friends," Aoi tells me with an almost sly smile. "You may not know it, but you are very popular, Taichi-kun. You are handsome, a great soccer player, and smart. The girls love your hair, your smile," she giggles, and grins, "Many girls want you as their boyfriend! But they can't ask because you're always with your best friend. They know what class you're in, who you hang out with, I just had to ask."

"So I decided to pluck up my courage and ask you first!" She smiles widely at me, "I asked my friend Sakura to put the note under your desk. She says you like to shove things under your desk."

"Ahahaha…is that so?" I say with a smile. How do they know that about me?! You mean, while I was observing Yamato, girls have been observing me? I thought they were observing him!

"Uhuh. She says you sleep when you're bored in maths, but somehow you can still answer the question when the teacher calls you up, and you ace maths. She says when you're asleep only Ishida Yamato can wake you up." Aoi smiles at me, "You love food, you're nice to girls and you get along with the guys well, oh and you drool in your sleep. That's when Ishida Yamato wakes you up."

…Gah! How the hell do they know that?! Though that was last year...

I feel my face warm at that, and she giggles, "I think it's cute, Taichi-kun," Aoi tells me, tilting her head with a smile, "It's another thing to like about you. You'll be a really sweet boyfriend."

…I'll be a sweet boyfriend 'cause I drool in my sleep? What the hell is that?!

"Taichi-kun," she's serious again, you can tell a lot by a person's eyes, "I really am serious. I really like you," she inhales, and meets my gaze, "I'd love to have you as my boyfriend. I promise I won't be a bother." She bites her lip, "So if you will consider…"

"Aoi-chan…"

"Taichi-kun," she smiles at me, "If you need time to think, I can wait." She nods, then bows, "Then, I'll be leaving-"

"Ah no, wait!" I hold out my hand. She looks up at me, and I smile, "Aoi-chan, I really am flattered. But…"

Aoi looks at me expectantly, and I continue, "Actually, I already…"

"Have a girlfriend?" Aoi looks surprised. Then she looks guilty, "I'm sorry, I didn't know-"

"No!" I say. "I mean, I-"

I hesitate. I'm already in love. With a guy. Should I say that? Will it make her feel better than if I lied to her I have a girlfriend or like a girl? What if she sees me differently? I mean, I don't know her but now I kind of do-just how should I reject her? And here I'd thought I've learnt so much from the Digital World. I guess you really learn something new everyday huh?

Aoi's a nice girl. I mean, I have noticed girls staring at me, I'm not blind. I just didn't think I was _that_ popular. I don't think Aoi's like those girls though. She seems really patient and nice, and she likes me for, well, me. She's pretty too, and she has blue eyes…

Could I try? Should I try? I mean, it's not as if Yamato will ever return my love, he already has Sora. I'm an idiot for holding on for so long really.

I sigh, and reach forward to place a hand on her arm. "Aoi-chan…"

Maybe it's time to let go.

"Yamato!"

I start, and Aoi says, "Taichi-kun?"

Yamato?

I turn my head, and walking to the backgate is none other than the object of my thoughts, and his girlfriend. He's far away, but I can see he has his hands in his pockets, and he seems to be ignoring Sora who's chasing after him and yelling. "Yamato-kun!"

Yamato turns his head, and his lips move, his blue eyes are narrowed, but from this distance I can't hear what he's saying. Sora's not shouting anymore, she seems to be speaking normally to him. I can't hear what she's saying either. But she doesn't look happy.

Are they having a fight? A lovers' quarrel?

And then, as if somehow sensing my presence, Yamato turns his gaze and for a second, our eyes meet. I blink, and another second passes as his eyes widen slightly in some emotion I can't identify and then he's not looking at me anymore, turning and walking away, his posture somehow more tense than before, striding away quickly as Sora runs after him.

"Yamato!" I yell before I can stop myself, but he ignores me.

But Sora has heard me and she turns to look at me. She looks surprised. I look at her questioningly and she looks at me in an almost sad way, shakes her head and then chases after Yamato out of the gate.

And then they're gone.

"Taichi-kun?" Aoi asks softly, "Did something happen?"

I blink. I'd almost forgotten she was there.

Don't tell me…Yamato saw her-with me and misunderstood?

But that can't be. I mean, it's not as if he has feelings for me- so he wouldn't be jealous or hurt or anything. So it must be something else. He's probably…still hurt from that day.

I did something stupid again.

Just how do I stop hurting him?

I really don't know…why is it that I hurt him no matter what I do? I talk to him, I bring him to tears. I hold him in my arms, I only make him cry. I try to comfort him, he just sobs harder. I don't talk to him, he's hurt. I don't punch him back, he's hurt and yells at me that he trusted me. Even now, when we haven't talked and I'm just standing with a girl, in that one moment, he seemed almost…hurt. As if I'd betrayed him somehow.

But I don't get it. Isn't he the one who hasn't been seeing me? I'm always looking at him, but since that day we defeated Diablomon, he hasn't really looked back at me.

I do everything I can, say what I want, need to say, I hurt him. But when I do nothing it should be better 'cause I'm an idiot with words, I still hurt him. He's hurt because I didn't speak to him and he thought I was leaving him. So what the hell should I do? What the hell _can_ I do? Should I talk to him? Or not? Are we even friends anymore?

…Ugh! This is worse than having a girlfriend! Yeah the guys complain that their girlfriend gives them the cold shoulder and they don't know what the hell they said or did wrong. But at least they can talk to their girlfriend and ask what's wrong and she should be less angry, right? I think. But with me and Yamato I'm his best friend but 'cause I'm in unrequited love with him and he doesn't know, he takes it as me leaving him when all I want is for him to be happy with Sora. I can't even talk to him 'cause I tried, and I just made him cry and now he seems to be ignoring me. And instead, it seems as if he's in a quarrel with Sora; his girlfriend.

Yeah. Sora was looking exasperated just now that Yamato's giving her the cold shoulder. So I guess for them, it's the opposite way around. Yeah Sora, I bet you don't know what the hell you said or did wrong for Yamato to be giving you the cold shoulder. We're in the same boat man, I don't know what I said wrong either.

The difference is, you're not an idiot with words and I am.

"Taichi-kun…"

…Shit. I forgot I wasn't alone.

"Ah, sorry!" I smile apologetically at her. "I was just thinking."

"About us?" She asks hopefully.

I blink at her-Aoi. Oh yeah, I'm supposed to give her an answer.

I find myself hesitating. Which is surprising. But looking at her and running over her words in my mind, she seems to know me and even understand me. So perhaps it'll be worth a shot.

I mean, my situation with Yamato is practically hopeless. Why should I continue torturing myself like this? I should stop being an idiot.

"Aoi-chan," I say, looking at her, "After thinking…"

Right. There's your chance, Yagami. To get out of this vicious cycle. Wouldn't it be better? For both you and him. If you manage to pursue a- romance with this girl, Aoi, who genuinely likes you, maybe you'll finally be able to let go of your feelings for Ishida Yamato. I mean, it's because you haven't paid attention to anyone else, maybe that's why you're so fixated on him. If you transfer your attention – it shouldn't be so bad, right? Who knows, maybe one day you will truly be able to be his best friend, just that and nothing more. And support his relationship with Sora.

Wouldn't it be perfect? Yamato and Sora, my two friends together, and me with this girl who seems to like me for me. She probably wouldn't be like other girls, she doesn't seem the type who will get angry over small stuff, so if I'm an idiot with her she wouldn't mind, right? Since she likes me so much.

"After thinking?"

We'd be able to go on dates, double dates like normal people. Hang out as friends, and stuff. Have a normal relationship. Wouldn't it be beneficial? No more hurting over and hurting Ishida Yamato, instead I'll have a girlfriend like Yamato does, eventually get married, have children, follow society. Of course, Yamato will do the same…I think. But there's the divorce…ah whatever, he'll still be with Sora.

Come to think of it, it all seems so simple! So perfect. Just what have I been torturing myself for? So c'mon Yagami, tell her you'll be her boyfriend, she wouldn't mind that you're an idiot with words…as long as you're sweet, and according to her, you are.

…Will I really be able to let go of Yamato if I date Aoi? Can I learn to love her like I love Yamato?

But…how can I love anyone else? I've been in love with Yamato for so long. Even if I do fall in love with Aoi, somehow, my heart…will feel empty.

I love him so much. These feelings are real.

I like Aoi. I really do. She's a nice person, and she sees me. I'd be willing to go out with her, try a relationship…if I wasn't in love with Yamato.

I mean, what am I thinking? How the hell can I do that to her? How can I be her boyfriend and laugh and smile and be the sweet boyfriend she wants, while I'm thinking of Yamato on our dates? When we eat pizza together, I'll be thinking of how Yamato and I used to come here together and he would always lick that bit of ketchup away with a smirk. When we eat fast food, I'll probably be thinking back to that moment when we'd just gotten back from the Digital World with the rest and I, Yamato and the rest used our train fare to fill our empty stomachs. If when we study together, I'll be thinking of Yamato and our study sessions in the past? If we ever go to the arcade together, and laugh while playing the games as a couple, I'll be thinking of having played the shooting games with Yamato and his skills at DDR and how he always beats me in that area? If she plays with my hair, I'll be recalling how Yamato would sometimes ruffle my hair but wouldn't let me touch his. If I touch her hair, I'll be wondering if Yamato's hair is as soft, or softer than hers. When she cheers for me at a soccer game, I'll be thinking of how thinking of Yamato helped me beat that jerk Ryuu. Whenever she calls, I'll be hoping in my heart it's Yamato, just like the time when I came back from the Digital world alone after saving Sora and evolving Greymon to Metalgreymon. When we hold hands, I'll be thinking of how Yamato reached out to take my hand with this almost shy smile just before we were shot by Angemon and Angewomon's arrows. If when we kiss, I'll be thinking of my kisses with Yamato – how he was so passionate, how we were so passionate. Or even if we ever get to third base, I'll still be thinking of that moment when I'd almost integrated with Yamato, thinking how touching her is so different from touching Yamato, and thinking how different things would be if we really had sex.

If she ever cries in front of me, I'll be thinking of the many times I've made Yamato cry- both in the Digital World and in reality. I'll be thinking of that moment in that snowy place, and when he came to save me from Piemon and shed tears which were the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in both worlds. And if she breaks down and sobs her heart out, I'll be reminded of that moment that seems like just yesterday when Yamato said he almost hated me while crying as I held him in my arms. If she supports me and tries to cheer me up when I'm down, I'll be remembering how Yamato was always there by my side in the Digital World, how he pulled me away when I was just so stunned after I discovered we could die and couldn't move even when Etemon was upon us, how he was there for me when I was at my worst after Sora was kidnapped and I realized it was all my fault, how he believed in my leadership, how he came back to save me from Piemon. If she ever gives me the cold shoulder, even if it's only just once, I'll be reminded of how Yamato always hid his emotions when he's troubled in the Digital World and became cold. If she ignores me, I'll be reminded of, well, that one moment just now and how Yamato didn't, hasn't been seeing me when I saw, when I've been seeing him. If she loses her temper and screams at me (probably because I'd have been too much of an idiot) I'll be thinking back to the many times Yamato screamed and shouted and yelled at me in the Digital World, that day on the soccer field, when we were alone after defeating Diablomon…

And if we get into a fight, I'll remember the many moments we've fought, like how Yamato left us and returned and we got into a fight while Wargreymon and Metalgarurumon fought each other in the sky. If she leaves and we don't see each other for some time, it'll remind me of how Yamato left, and how empty my heart felt, compared to whatever I would be feeling at that point in time.

If she has a little brother, I'll be comparing him to Takeru as well. If she loves music, I'll think of Yamato's music. If she can play an instrument, I'll recall how the music of Yamato's harmonica brought tears to my eyes. If she can sing, I'll compare it to Yamato's singing. If she sings a love song to me, I'll be wishing it were Yamato singing to me.

And whenever I look into her light blue eyes, they'll always be overshadowed with the deep blue of Yamato's.

…I can't do that to her. She doesn't deserve that. I can't use her like that. I can't be so selfish.

I'll be seeing her as a substitute for Yamato, not as the person she is, not as the girl she wants me to see her as.

I'll be seeing her as Yamato.

Like a translation of him.

Or a reflection.

And if she ever gets a digimon and we end up fighting together, I'll be comparing to when Yamato and I fought together. Her digimon will probably only be able to go to adult or perfect level, and I'll be missing how Agumon and Gabumon always warp evolved to Ultimate level, together.

I'll be missing Yamato and our close bond.

And in the end, I'll only be longing for him all the more.

...Sometimes, I wonder why the hell is this happening to me.

My life isn't an anime. But I did go on an adventure. With the digimon. A digimon adventure in the Digital World. Just like those adventure anime, I was the leader, the main guy, the 'Hero'. And isn't the Hero supposed to get his love interest in the end? As a sort of 'reward' for all the trials and tribulations he went through? To be able to confess to his love in the end and live happily ever after?

Isn't he supposed to get together with the one who's always been there for him?

So why is that not happening to me? Why is my childhood friend the one who gets _my_ love interest?

Oh right, 'cause in those adventure anime there's a main guy but his love interest is a girl. A pretty but strong and sometimes cold Heroine. Mine isn't. I mean yeah, he's pretty and he's strong and he's cold but he isn't a girl. So he'd be my Sidekick and Best Friend and 'Rival' but not my Heroine.

Just one little, well not so little (don't go there, Yagami) difference and the whole situation changes.

How did you fall for Yamato, Sora? Would you still be in love with him if you were a guy? Would you still love him if he was a girl? Would you still love him if he were the same gender as you?

Because I do.

How different would things have been if Yamato and I were of opposite genders- that's a question I should ask, isn't it? Maybe he could have fallen in love with me. Maybe I would have been able to confess to Yamato. Or maybe he would confess to me. Or would he still love Sora? If she was the same gender as him?

But what's the point? That isn't the situation. This is the situation.

Such a situation wouldn't be my life.

'Cause this is my life.

"Taichi-kun…?"

Yeah this is my life, and I'm going to reject a nice girl for someone for will never return my love.

Brilliant, Yagami. Just fucking brilliant.

"I'm sorry."

The words slip out of my mouth as I tune in back to reality. She meets my eyes, then smiles sadly as if she knew my answer all along. "Thank you for being honest," Aoi says. "That's another thing I like about you."

"May I know why?"

I hesitate, surprised she's taking it so well. Since she likes me to be honest, should I tell her the truth? That I'm already in love?

…Probably not. I mean, girls can be unpredictable and I don't want to hurt her, that she didn't have a chance from the beginning. What if she starts crying? She does like me after all. I have a soft spot for crying girls, I don't know why- I just don't like seeing girls cry. It makes me feel really guilty and that I must have done something wrong, like when Sora cried. Of course my guilt was exacerbated by the fact that Sora doesn't just, cry. So it was me being an idiot with words again.

Anyway I don't know how to handle a crying girl! I mean if Aoi starts crying I might just panic and agree to be her boyfriend! And I can't take it back.

Damn. Think Yagami, think! You don't want to make a girl cry, do you? Surely you can't be anymore of an idiot!

"Y-You're a translation," I say. She blinks at me and I hurry on, "You know, like in Maths we have to translate graphs? Yeah, you're like a translation. I kind of already, have my eye on someone else and you remind me of that person." What the hell am I saying? "You reflect them. Not because you're inferior or anything, you're just a reflection of them because I can't…see anyone else besides them."

"So, you're like a graph. Derived from another graph which is that person. I mean, if I date you, I'm just…rotating them to see you. Like rotating that graph to another place in a different position. So I see you, but in actual fact, I'm actually seeing that person. Regardless of positioning or distance, it's the same…image in the end."

…I should go bang my head against something hard. Like Yamato's guitar- no wait, he'll kill me unless I'm dead (he would bang his guitar against my head and kill me with it if it wouldn't damage it), but oh shit I sound like a total nerd! What the _hell _did I just say?! Telling a _girl _she's a _graph_, not _even _the original graph, another graph derived from someone else- just what the hell is _wrong_ with me?!

"I-I mean!" I exclaim as she stares at me, "I'm sorry if I sound confusing, but that's what I feel! If I date you it would be unfair to you because I'm just seeing you as a reflection of Ya- I-I mean, someone else!"

"Ah I see," Aoi nods, looking at me. "You'll just be seeing me as a reflection or rotation of Ishida Yamato."

"That's right!" I say eagerly, glad she got the point and I don't sound like a total nerd, not that I have anything against them, "You're-"

…Wait.

Gah! Rewind! _What _did she just say?!

Aoi is still looking at me with a wry smile and I panic. "I mean, no!" I wave my hands with a sheepish smile, panicking inwardly, "No no! That's wrong! Who said you're a reflection of Yamato? I didn't say that! You're a congruent reflection of this girl with blue eyes whom I like-" a little white lie wouldn't hurt, right?!

Aoi blinks at me, and says in a puzzled tone, "But Ishida Yamato is a guy…right?" She says, "I mean, he has a guy's voice and he doesn't wear a skirt although I overheard girls wanting to see him in one because he's pretty. I mean…is he cross-dressing?" She sounds confused. I stare, and she gasps, "Oh I'm sorry! If that's a secret and he's-I mean, she's your girlfriend I promise I'll keep it-"

"What?! No!" I finally regain control of my jaw. How the hell did she get to such a conclusion?! "Yamato's not a girl! He's a guy! He's not my girlfriend! Anyway he'd be my boyfriend-w-well he isn't a girl!" I ramble, feeling my cheeks warm, "Definitely not! I mean, we were integrating, you know, and I'm one hundred percent sure he's a guy-"

…I really want to sink into the ground right now.

But I can't do that, I can't even groan and slap a hand to my forehead in my usual, 'Yagami Taichi after saying something stupid, Yagami Taichi what the hell did you just say again?' manner because I'm frozen to the spot as her lips are on mine.

...Guh?!

And then in a moment, it's over, and I'm staring with an open mouth as she brushes her hair back and smiles at me, and winks, "Don't worry, I'll keep that secret."

G-Guh? W-Wha-

I try to say something coherent but can't as I'm not even thinking coherently. But Aoi just smiles apologetically, "I'm sorry for teasing you, Taichi-kun," she says, "I just couldn't resist. Seeing you flustered was cute."

S-She was only pretending?! I seriously thought- and what does she mean by cute?! I'm not cute, damn it!

"C-Cute?" I stutter. "What?"

Aoi giggles, "I don't know how to explain it, Taichi-kun. It was just cute," she grins, "I guess you reminded me of this guy from an anime who was trying to deny his feelings for the girl he likes," her grin slips into a smile, "Although, I guess the situation is quite different, huh?"

"…Yeah." I sigh, rubbing my neck nervously, "I guess it's all out in the open, huh?"

"Seeing you, Taichi-kun, if you liked a girl you wouldn't hesitate to confess," Aoi says, looking me in the eye. "So, I got the impression maybe you liked a guy."

"You're not bothered?"

"Why would I be? My friends watch guys integrating," I stare and she just smiles at me, "Taichi-kun, you like him based on your feelings, right? How can I be bothered by that?" She says, "I admire people who follow their heart."

"But, I rejected you…" I say as I look at her.

Aoi shrugs, and looks back at me, "I like you, Taichi-kun, but I know when I don't have a chance," she smiles wryly, "The way you looked at Ishida-kun, it's not just friendship, is it?"

"And you are right, if we were to get together, we would both only be hurt in the long run." Aoi says honestly to me, "So I just want to say, thank you for being honest with me."

"I had to be," I say. She looks at me and I smile, "No. Thanks, Aoi. For accepting me."

"I'm the first one…?"

I nod, "Except my little sister."

"He doesn't know, does he?"

I shake my head.

"Why?"

"Because I don't have the courage."

Aoi's a perceptive girl, and she seems to realize I don't really want to talk about it anymore. "Okay," she says, "I would say to confess to Ishida-kun, Taichi-kun, but I'm sure you know what you're doing."

"Yeah." I say, attempting to smile at her. I inhale. "I'm sorry, Aoi-chan. If I wasn't…" I shrug, "If I didn't have these feelings for him, I would date you. You're a nice girl and I like you." My voice drops, "But I can't see anyone but him."

"I can see that," Aoi says with a soft smile. "I'm sure one day he will see you too, Taichi-kun," she says, meeting my eyes, "Or maybe he already has."

I shake my head slowly. "He hasn't."

_He won't- he'll probably never-_ I want to say, but I don't want her to know how pessimistic I really am. She sees the good in me so let her continue to see that. She's trying to help me and is concerned for me, I don't have to discourage her with my empty, repetitive words.

Aoi looks at me, and gives me a nod, seeing me, "I'll be going now then, Taichi-kun," she says with a smile, "Thank you for your time."

"No problem." I say. "Sorry for disappointing you."

She shakes her head at me, "You were always out of my league, but I just wanted to give it a shot," she smiles acceptingly, "I hope you get him in the end, Taichi-kun. You deserve it."

"Yeah." I say, smiling, "Thanks. See you at the volleyball game during mass PE?"

Aoi looks surprised, before she smiles, "That would be great," she switches to a slightly more informal speech, "I look forward to it, Taichi-kun."

"Same here, Aoi-chan."

We exchange a smile before she leaves. I watch her, brushing the back of my hand briefly against my lips. I hope that wasn't her first kiss. I'm not worth it.

When she's gone, I plop myself down onto the ground as I place my bag on it. It's dirty but I move to lay on my back anyway, propping my hands behind my head and staring at the sky.

I don't want to go home so early. I don't want to deal with my family.

I want to go back to the Digital World. I want to see Agumon. I want to talk to him and hear him talk back to me. I want to know he's there.

I want to know I'm not alone.

Whether it's integration, differentiation, asymptotes and now, translations and rotations and reflections, I just can't get Yamato off my mind.

I've tried everything, but everything doesn't work.

I don't know what to do next.

Why am I such an idiot?

Say I dated Aoi. Say I tried a relationship with her. First she'd be a translation of Yamato, where I slid the image of Yamato to the side to fit her. Then as our relationship progressed she'd be a reflection. I would really start to see her as him, compare everything she is and does to him. She's not the same but I wouldn't care since the image I see would be the same. And then if it doesn't work, I'll do rotation, rotate the image of Yamato to Aoi's position so that it fits almost perfectly. She wouldn't be Aoi. She would be Ishida Yamato. Ishida Yamato as a girl with black hair and lighter blue eyes. And then one day I'd call her Yamato, and everything will fall apart, shatter into pieces.

And then I'll be left alone again.

Like now.

But now is better, because loneliness is better when you didn't have anybody in the first place.

Except for fighting Diablomon, I'm no longer the leader. To be a leader, you need a group who needs you. I don't have that group anymore.

To be a Hero, you need an adventure and you need other people that recognize you're a Hero.

But that adventure is over. That adventure with the digimon is over. We've reached the end. And in the end, I don't have my love interest, my so called 'Heroine', he's with my childhood friend. And so I don't have my childhood friend either, my 'Best Friend'.

I have my good friend Koushiro but we're not really close now. I can't really talk to him about this. I have my soccer mates but with the possible exception of Saitou, they don't know the real me. They don't know that Yagami Taichi, popular with girls and ace at soccer, is in love with a guy. Who doesn't even love him back and has a girlfriend.

It's a strange feeling – feeling like crying but having no tears to cry.

I'm no philosopher (those are known people who think 'bout complicated stuff about the world and how it works and share their thoughts with people), so what I say is from experience. I think there are different types of loneliness. Loneliness is a...what's that word? Universal. Universal human experience. Everyone feels it. Whether you're a guy or a girl, tall or short, skinny or fat, smart or stupid, married or not, you will still feel lonely. There's the loneliness you feel when you're missing someone but know you can go back. That's not so bad, 'cause it's more likely to be temporary. But then there's the loneliness you feel when you're missing a place and people, and you're not sure if you can go back (though you strongly believe in it) - like me in the Digital world and later, ironically, me out of the Digital world and missing Agumon. And then there's the loneliness you feel when you're alone. Completely alone.

'Cause that's what loneliness is. Complete. A complete emotion that leaves you feeling uncompleted. The difference in the type of loneliness is the duration of that loneliness. How long it lasts.

And there's the loneliness you feel when everyone has someone and you don't really have anyone. Or more precisely, for my situation, you don't really have anyone you're sure will stay by your side- and that someone you had is now gone 'cause you felt lonely and decided to isolate yourself and be alone and you left that person alone (without you) but not completely alone because he still has someone and not like you who has no one and so now you're completely alone and you can't go back to how it used to be.

This is the worst type of loneliness. This loneliness I'm feeling now.

'Cause i think loneliness isn't...transient (I think that's the word which means it can disappear anytime). It stays. It's not like life, where on the news, there are people dying everyday. Like in this earthquake prone country. Loneliness doesn't disappear, not like courage which I once had but now lack and it seems like I didn't have any in the first place now that I don't have courage anymore. It's not like friendship, which can disappear before you know it, and seems to fade the more you try to hang onto it. But if you let it go, it will really go.

Other things stay too of course. Society. Expectations. Education. Pre-judice. Death. Notice the things that stay and are hard or impossible to remove or overcome 'cause they have deep roots are the not so pleasant things? Things I like like soccer can fade away anytime (like it did when I came back from the Digital world and missed Agumon and didn't feel like playing soccer at all). Things you need like family. Life. Friendship. Company. Those can go away anytime. Yeah life's a bitch like that. A real fucking bitch.

That's why you gotta treasure the things that can go away anytime. Though that mindset is kind of hard to hang onto in this loneliness.

And there's love. Like my (unrequited) love for Yamato. And because it's unrequited which makes it not so pleasant it's permanent.

But these are my feelings and the love I feel is real. It's real to me so it's permanent to me. I don't know if love is the strongest emotion of all or whatever. Like I said, I only know I love Yamato. And because I love him, and this feeling can only be love or it wouldn't have affected me so, it's permanent to me, whether I like it or not. I wouldn't know if it's strong. The only time I can say for sure my love is strong was when we fought Omegamon 'cause I was thinking of Yamato and my feelings for him and how I won't give up even if he has and that was when Omegamon revived. Yeah that's what happened. I wouldn't know if it was my love that I was trying to project or whatever that caused Omegamon to revive, but my feelings then were definitely strong. I could feel courage again. And courage gives me strength. Love gave me Courage.

How ironic that just last Christmas (2002), before we defeated Vamdemon (again), I gave courage to the bearer of Love.

But maybe that's why love gave me Courage to defeat Diablomon (again!) - even if it becomes unimportant in the bigger scheme of things.

So I guess love is the one thing that can be pleasant (though not in my case) but is not transient.

But love isn't good or bad. Okay people say love is good. But it depends on your perception (how you see it) and what kind of love is it and who is seeing that love. 'Cause one thing I've learnt from the Digital World, there is no true good or bad, the world isn't so simple like in fairytales. This is reality, and in reality, and the Digital world seems almost part of reality, everything is grey. Balanced. Take for example, Ken. He was bad when he was the Kaiser (I hated him for taking Agumon away) but we discovered he isn't bad, he just experienced something bad that scarred him and made him bad. But that something bad may not be bad 'cause it taught him more about the world and though it made him bad, it allowed us to find him and make him good. So Ken is neither good nor bad 'cause he's been both. He's good and bad.

And of course the late Oikawa embodies good and bad quite well. He has my respect. He caused us so much trouble and killed Blackwargeymon who was only searching for a meaning to his existence (reminds me of myself) but it was loss and loneliness that made him bad and susceptible to Vamdemon (hope that bastard's gone forever). So how can he be said to be completely bad? Oikawa knew that, and I guess that's why he sacrificed himself for the Digital World. Maybe he wanted to return to the past he had lost.

Just like me.

So is loneliness bad? 'Cause it causes people to do bad things? But then if those people like Ken and Oikawa didn't do bad things they wouldn't have found the goodness in them, right? Sacrifices are necessary. Even Puppetmon - I think he was lonely too. Deramon and Floramon (i think those were their names, Floramon's Catherine's digimon partner too) - his friends, didn't even like him and betrayed him (although I wasn't thinking that at the time), and he kidnapped Takeru 'cause he wanted a playmate. The difference is, Puppetmon had no one to show the goodness in him- he'd already sold himself to the dark side-willingly, the dark side encouraged him and the light side (that's us) had to defeat (kill) him. Who knows, maybe that bastard Vamdemon was lonely too, he's a bloody vampire after all and aren't those immortal? Why would anyone want to live forever when life can be so miserable especially with loneliness which will intensify with immortality - alone?

But even though he was alone, he chose the path of evil. I'm alone, and I haven't become evil. I'm sure there are many other people and digimon who are alone too, but they're not evil.

So how can loneliness be absolutely bad? This feeling is bad. But loneliness itself is grey. 'Cause it can cause good and bad things.

But even when loneliness disappears with company, it'll inevitably come back. There's no way anyone has never felt lonely or will never again feel lonely. Anyone with feelings and a heart will feel lonely. And that's everyone. Your heart is something you can't get rid of, even if you want to. If you get rid of your heart, you die- so perhaps death is the only way to be rid of loneliness but then again death itself is permanent.

But yeah, loneliness is permanent like that. Not because it doesn't disappear. But because it'll always come back and haunt you like your shadow. To remind you you're alone. 'Cause right now I see my shadow and there's no other shadow. Which means there's no one with me.

Which means I'm alone.

I felt alone too in that place where we were kidnapped to. That cold, lonely place. I felt very alone and lost. Even the presences of Koushiro, Mimi, Jyou, Yamato and Sora felt fleeting. I think the loneliness Chocomon felt was being projected to us.

But at least it wasn't my loneliness. It was Chocomon's loneliness. So it wasn't really my loneliness. So that wasn't so bad.

But now, this is my loneliness.

I'm alone.

I wish I could project my loneliness too. Wouldn't that be great?

But then again, there's no one to project my loneliness to, because I'm alone.

And loneliness is something you (at least humans) can't give away. Even if you give it away (like Chocomon did) you'll still feel it 'cause it's become a part of you. Its just...there.

Loneliness belongs to you, and you alone. Other people feel loneliness too but they don't feel the exact type of loneliness you feel...

You possess loneliness alone.

Somewhere in the midst of my thoughts, I must have closed my eyes and allowed a sudden exhaustion to claim me.

Because when I open them, I am met with the sight of the evening sky.

Slowly, I push myself up from the ground, pick up my bag and stand back up. And then I turn and walk out of the soccer field, alone.

It's time to go home.


	10. Interlude

I've seen Agumon.

Things are better now.

Not much better, but definitely better.

Sometimes, talking really helps.

I wouldn't say I've returned to my usual self- for what is my usual self anyway? The person I am right now is still me. But I talked to Agumon, and although I didn't tell him about my feelings for Yamato (I think he already knows anyway), just talking to him made me feel loads better.

Yeah, I'm in school, and I'm concentrating on school work (Wow), 'cause surprise surprise it actually helps. If I'm busy thinking about my studies I won't think about Yamato, right? Yeah I managed to do that, for almost every subject, to a sufficient extent, except Maths of course.

The teachers are surprised, they told me so. I don't know whether to feel insulted or pleased. My mother isn't surprised 'cause she doesn't know what I'm doing. But she was surprised when I showed her my improved grades for final exams for the First Term of Year 3 (July 2003, that was after the soccer competition around the end of February after that damned Valentines' Day – I passed final exams for the Third Term of Year 2 somewhere around the end of March; probably 'cause we had a long study break during which I couldn't see Yamato- but screwed up mid terms in June for the First Term of Year 3) for her to sign. She even praised me (sort of) and jokingly said it must be because of luck. I just shrugged and gave her my usual grin. We're kinda cordial now I guess. Her mood is kinda volatile so I gotta treasure the times when she's in a good mood. Sometimes she still believes I'm being lazy but other times she actually asks about school, just like when I was in elementary school. Well yeah I still don't really understand women.

Well but she's my mother, and I guess she wants the best for me, no matter what way she goes about it. Yeah gotta remember that. She seemed stressed, so I guess I wanna lighten her stress. It's not like she'd tell me what's bothering her, parents are like that I guess, they can't let their children know their true feelings. But I guess now, after pulling myself out of my angst cycle (sufficiently) I've returned to being the Yagami Taichi they know again. Family's important, yeah? So this is fine.

But I do want to get into high school. (And I don't really want to go to cram school at night, it's not my style. I want to sleep at night anyway, who the hell wants to attend school at night? Oh yeah, Jyou) So I gotta get good grades for the exam at the end of the second term (mid terms are already over, time flies). Of course there's still the final exams for the third term (there aren't mid terms for the third term which is the shortest, yeah our system's screwed up and confusing I know, but hey more time to study without stress) and the entrance exam to high school (Gah!) but let's think about that later. Do one thing at a time, right?

People think Yagami Taichi is a soccer jock and that's all he is except maybe Maths 'cause he aces the subject (but hey only one subject, right?)

But again, people don't know Yagami Taichi can think ('cause he does have a brain even if it's filled mostly with lamenting about his unrequited love or thinking up things that are stupid when said out loud anyway), and they assume he is a failure in school. Alright, not failure, but definitely not as smart as others.

But the truth is, Yagami Taichi is just a lazy person who doesn't like studying. That's why he does well in Maths. Maths can't be studied. It's much more of practicing. I like to practice. It makes me feel good about myself. Like though practicing those soccer drills and positions over and over again is tedious sometimes, it's worth it in the end, and it's doing something I love.

Yeah, I like Maths but I guess I'm trying to hold back on all my mathematical analogies, 'cause, you know. Unrequited love and angst and all. It's hard 'cause I still see him everyday, but I'm trying and I'd say I've done a pretty good job so far. See, I haven't thought of anything maths (and Yamato) related! Yet.

Oh and of course I still play soccer! It's as great as ever, that feeling of freedom which I'd almost forgotten. We're kind of slacking now- well, not slacking but there isn't any major competition coming up in autumn. I'm playing it almost everyday now, whether it's with my teammates or practicing my kick as the ace striker, or bouncing the ball on my head, then my knee, elbow, and my heel, like I'm doing right now. It's fun.

And people are talking now. Not only the girls, but the guys as well. They complain about how unfair it is I'm getting all the girls now that I'm a soccer jock _and_ (they emphasized this) a smart guy. Oh and let's not forget looks too ("according to the girls, dumbass!") and ("Hey Taichi I think you're finally growing taller! Now that's just unfair! Weren't you _this_ short before?" Bastard - I wasn't _that_ short! "Yeah, you're athletic, the ace striker, unexpectedly smart, good looking according to girls, and you're growing taller?! What injustice is this?!") That's Akira by the way. Yeah I did bash him up for getting me drunk 'cause I'm a man of my word, and he apologized. So I forgave him. Forgive and forget, right? Part of the reason was 'cause I saw Yamato with his golden hair and blue eyes walking past, but yeah.

But I don't see how I get all the girls- they only talk about me, they don't actually approach me, not like Aoi. Like, if they're talkin' bout Yamato, yeah he does get all the girls because they approach him and give him stuff on Valentines' Day and even when it's not Valentines' Day, and they have a fanclub for him but of course, he only cares about one girl-

Right. Stop there, Yagami. No more thinking about Ishida Yamato, remember?

Anyway I gotta play it for as long as I can, before winter comes. I remember that winter – Hikari-

Nevermind. Better not think about that. She already said it's not my fault.

But it doesn't change the fact I was acting like a selfish idiot and my baby sister almost died because of me.

I sigh. I really gotta learn to control my wayward mind. Hikari wouldn't want me blaming myself, she already said so. I can at least give her that.

While I was thinking, I lost control of the ball and it goes bouncing off my knee. I blink and turn my head, to see the soccer ball rolling along the ground, and being stopped by a shoe.

I raise my gaze, and blink again at the sight of orange eyes and orange hair.

Sora.

She stares at me. She looks down, but before I can think on it, Sora smiles. She uses her shoe to draw the ball closer to her.

I think for a moment she's going to kick it, but instead she picks the ball up with her hands and throws it to me, "Pass, Taichi!"

I catch it, surprised at her words yet the anticipation I had felt for that short moment at seeing Sora play soccer again fade away. But she's smiling at me and I smile back at her, "Nice pass, Sora."

We haven't played soccer since forever. We haven't interacted with soccer since we were kids. Hell, we haven't even talked about soccer.

What am I talking about? We haven't even been talking to each other.

We stare at each other for a moment in a sort of awkward silence. We're no longer…childhood friends. I mean, Sora's Yamato's girlfriend now. She's not just Takenouchi Sora anymore.

And I'm still Yagami Taichi.

"So…" I start, "What are you doing here?"

Sora starts, jerking a little in surprise as if she was off in her own world (I guess I'm not the only one who daydreams, huh?). She blinks, then smiles wryly, "Sorry…I was just, walking and thinking," she says, "And somehow, I found myself here."

She looks tired, drained, and I feel sympathy in my heart for her. I remember seeing her and Yamato arguing, and him storming out of the backgate and her chasing him. It must be hard for Sora, being Yamato's girlfriend when he's troubled in his friendship with me.

Which means I've probably screwed up their relationship. Great, just great, Yagami. You've screwed up your own friendship with Ishida Yamato and now you've screwed up his relationship with Sora as well.

"Do you…" I say hesitantly, "Want to talk?"

She looks at me in surprise and I wonder if I should have said that. We haven't talked for so long. I probably don't have the right anymore, especially since I'm the cause of her depression.

"…No," she shakes her head, but her smile now is more genuine, "Thank you Taichi, but I'm fine."

"But," she continues before I can say anything. She looks hesitant, almost shy, "Can I…stay here for a while?"

"Sure," I say as I throw the ball into the air and bounce it on my knee, then on my head, "Stay as long as you want, Sora."

"Thanks, Taichi," I can hear the gratefulness in her voice and I smile a little.

A short, almost silence lasts between us, and it would have been a silence were it not for the sound of the ball as I bounce it around; one, two, three, four, five…

I glance at Sora, who's on the bleachers and staring at the ground. She looks forlorn, even sad, and as the ball bounces off my chest, I hit it with my knee then my head, and let it drop to the ground where it rolls along.

Sora looks up. She blinks, a surprised expression on her face as I walk towards her, "Taichi?" She says. "It's alright, you can continue. Don't mind me."

I sigh inwardly. As usual, she's caring about others more than herself, even when she's like this.

"Don't be stupid, Sora," I say. She blinks at me, and I smile and plop down next to her, turning and looking at her, "How can I continue having fun when you're not?"

"Taichi…" she says, surprised.

I stand up. I smile and grab her hand, pulling her from her seat and leading her to the field. I stop when we're in an area with lush grass, then release my grasp on the back of her hand.

"Taichi?"

I smile at her, then let myself fall onto the ground. I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing, but I know I don't like seeing Sora like this. She's Takenouchi Sora and she's always smiling, and seeing her sad makes me sad too.

I lean back and lay on the grass, yawning. I feel her gaze on me and I smile up at her, "Relax, Sora!" I say, "Sitting alone is no fun, is it? Being with someone is better!"

"Now come on and lie down," I pat the grass with fallen orange leaves beside me, then give her a sly smirk, "Unless you've become such a girl that you're afraid of getting your skirt dirty."

Sora flushes, "Of course not!" She responds, reminding me of the past as she lets herself fall to the ground in an almost ungraceful manner which makes me grin. I watch as she leans back, almost hesitantly, but relaxes as the back of her head touches the grass.

"There. Not so bad, is it?" I say, smiling at her then turning my gaze to the sky, "So just lie down with me and let's forget about the world-reality, for a while."

I really should take my own advice sometimes.

Sora doesn't speak for a moment. We're staring at the sky, and she says, "Forget about the world, huh?" She murmurs, "Just like when we were kids."

"That seems so long ago."

"We used to lie on the soccer field back in elementary school," I say, looking at the clouds in the blue sky, "Just like this."

"And stare up at the clouds in the sky," Sora says, her voice soft, "We'd point out the shapes, and whoever could get the most number of cloud shapes would win," she seems to be smiling, "And the loser would buy the winner chocolate."

"Yeah, it was just you and me," I reply equally softly, "Just us."

"We're…" Sora says hesitantly, "Still friends, aren't we?"

I blink, then turn my head to meet her eyes, "Do you even have to ask? Of course we are!" I grin at her, "I mean come on, you've always been my friend, Sora! We were best friends, remember?"

"Best friends and the top two striker combination," Sora grins a little, fondly. She then turns her gaze to the clouds floating in the sky, pointing, "Ah, that one looks like a dinosaur!"

"It's only the head!" I protest, smiling as I point my finger at another cloud, "But hey, that one looks like a bird!"

"Taichi, it only has one wing!" Sora laughs.

"Oh, really? Well it'd be a bird with one wing then!" I declare, then move my gaze to another cloud with fluffy wings, "That looks like, uh, a pig with wings!"

"Patamon?" Sora grins.

I grin back at her, "You thought that too?"

She nods with a sheepish smile, "I just couldn't help it."

"Yeah well, he does, but Takeru would kill us if he heard that!" I laugh. "Hey hey, don't you think that cloud beside it looks like a seal?"

Sora giggles, "I think it looks more like a sealion!"

"…There's a difference?"

"Yeah, sealions have smaller snouts, I think," Sora grins. Then her eyes brighten and she points excitedly, "Hey Taichi, that looks like a soccer ball, doesn't it?!"

"It does, Sora!" I say in amazement, staring at the scarily accurate cloud soccer ball. It looks like just a circle, well a bit oval like, at first, but there are like, smaller clouds which overlap it and if you squint, it kind of looks like a soccer ball. "Quick, take a picture!"

"Taichi, I don't' have a camera!" Sora laughs.

"What- ah! It's gone!" I pout, as the clouds mingle and float away, dispersing the cloud soccer ball, "Ah damn."

"It's okay, isn't it?" Sora says, contentment in her voice, "The clouds may fade but the real thing never will."

"True, true," I smile and focus on the sky again. I stretch out my arms and legs, "Ah, it's so peaceful!"

"That's right," Sora says, smiling, "Last time, I wanted to be like the clouds in the sky, just lazily drifting by…"

I nod my head in agreement, "Me too." I admit, turning to her. She's looking up at the sky and I lean in a bit close, murmuring in her ear, "But, you're the sky, aren't you, Sora?"

Sora's eyes widen and she stares at me in surprise, and I smile, "Sora is the sky," I say, "Because you're Sora, you try to take on everything by yourself."

"You feel like you have to support and take care of everyone," I say, resting my hands behind my head and turning to look up into the autumn sky, "But you know, sometimes you just gotta relax. We're all grateful for the sky. I mean, look at the sky- if we didn't have the sky, the clouds wouldn't have anywhere to relax. The sun wouldn't be able to shine, and the moon will be stuck in space, we wouldn't be able to see the bright moon."

"Even when the sky gets dark, the moon is still there, " I continue, "The moon still reflects the sun's light. But it can't do that without the support of the sky."

"Taichi…"

"So the sky is very important, isn't she?" I smile at her as she looks at me in surprise. "You're important to all of us, Sora."

Sora looks at me, then tears well up in her eyes. I blink, then panic, "W-Wha- why are you crying?!" I exclaim, placing my hands on her shoulders, "Did I say something wrong?! I'm sorry-"

And here I thought I was being- you know, comforting! So why is she crying, I thought my words were kinda cool! I mean, it's not like I told Aoi how she's like a graph- I just told Sora she's important, to me, to all of us, why did that make her cry?!

"N-No," Sora says. The tears are still in her eyes, but she's smiling at me, "It's just, those words made me really happy. Thank you, Taichi."

…Oh. So it's happy tears, huh?

I haven't shed happy tears for a long time.

"You know, I've always thought the sun and the moon are like Yin and Yang." Sora says suddenly and I remove my hands from her shoulders, and she turns to look up at the sky, at her namesake, "They're so different, but they can't exist without one another, you know? The sun gives way to the moon, and the moon needs the sun's light. Night and Day, Darkness and Light. Yin and Yang."

"Yin and Yang, huh?" I murmur, looking up at the sky, "Where have I heard that before?"

"Hikari-chan said it in the Digital World, didn't she?" Sora murmurs back, "When she was possessed by that being who let us know why we were Chosen, she said, "Wherever there is darkness, there will be light. Darkness and light are two sides of the same coin. Just like the moon and the sun."

"And when I thought about that, I guess I wondered…" Sora gives a wry smile, "Where does the sky fit?"

I stare at her, but she's looking up into the sky. I blink. Somehow, our conversation's taken another direction. I'm not quite sure why she's talking about Yin and Yang and the sun and the moon, but what she said about the sky- she's showing her true feelings to me.

With Sora, we've been friends for so long and we just have this- solidarity with each other that I don't need to think before I reply her (not that I usually do anyway, but still). We just talk naturally with each other.

But I remember that time I thought that way, when she was having a hard time. And I ended up upsetting her even more. 'Cause I didn't understand.

So now, I've learnt I gotta think more. Before I say anything stupid or even hurtful. I'm an idiot with words, but I can learn to become less of an idiot with my words. Especially with her.

"There's both darkness and light in this world," I say, after thinking a bit, "There's day and night. There's the good and the 'bad'." I pause, "But if there _wasn't_ a world, there wouldn't be darkness and light, would there?"

"Eh…?"

I push myself up from the ground and turn to smile at Sora, "I told you, didn't I?" I say, "The sky is important. The sky supports the moon and the sun."

"Darkness and light are two sides on the same coin. They're opposites, just like the sun and moon." I say, blinking.

"But, what is that coin?"

"…The sky." Sora whispers.

"Yeah, the sky should know, shouldn't she?" I grin, winking, "She should know that she supports everyone, but especially the sun and the moon. If they're two sides on the same coin like darkness and light, then the sky is that coin."

"The sky is the one who brings them together."

Sora looks at me in surprise and something else in her eyes I can't accurately recognize, and to be honest, I'm not really sure of what I'm saying. I'm just saying what I think I should say, going along with my instincts and reason and saying to her what I feel I should say. She's insecure about her role as the sky, about her role as the supporter, and I'm trying my best to reassure her. I don't know what she's insecure about, but I know she is. So since she's talking about the sky and how the sun and moon complement each other I'll talk 'bout that too. Talk about the importance of the sky.

And it's true. Yeah the sun and moon are total opposites which somehow complement each other but they need the sky to meet, to support both of them.

…Why do I feel like I should know what I'm talking about?

"…Yeah," Sora's voice draws me out of my thoughts. I blink, and she smiles, a genuine smile that's beautiful on her because it's the smile of Takenouchi Sora, who's smiling again, "Yeah. You're right, Taichi!"

"…I am?"

Sora laughs lightly, "Yeah, it…makes sense now," she says in realization, smiling, "I think…I know the importance of my role now."

"Eh?"

Sora laughs again and pats my shoulder with a soft smile, "It's okay, Taichi," she says reassuringly, "You'll understand soon."

"…Okay." I say slowly as she gets to her feet. She smiles at me and I smile back at her, "If you say so, Sora!"

Yeah, I still don't really understand. Hell, I don't even understand why I said what I said, except to cheer her up. So I'm just glad she's smiling again.

"Everyday, there's the sky, sun and the moon," Sora says. She closes her eyes, smiling, "And the sky supports them, everyday."

"It looks just like a day, but in reality, there's only one Everyday," Sora opens her eyes, and smiles as she meets my eyes, "There's only one coin. I've…realized that now."

"…Of course!" I say, nodding and smiling at her, "There's only one sky!" I grin at her, and raise myself from the ground, "There's only one Sora who's important to us."

"Only one sky…" Sora murmurs. She smiles. "There's only one me."

"Yeah! I mean, how can anyone else be you?" I blink at her, "You're Takenouchi Sora! No matter what happens, you'll always be Sora, right?"

"…Yeah!" Sora's grinning now, "There's really only one me after all!" She gives a quick wink, "Just like there's only one you, Taichi."

"Eh? Of course! How can anyone else be me?" I grin, thumping a hand to my chest, "I'm Yagami Taichi! No one else can be me!"

Sora chuckles, "That's right," she smiles at me, "So, we're Takenouchi Sora and Yagami Taichi again?"

Her statement makes me a little surprised as she meets my eyes. But I know she wants an answer, needs to hear an answer.

"Yeah," I say seriously, giving her a genuine smile, "We've always been, Sora."

Sora's smile widens, and her orange eyes are bright with relief, "Thanks, Taichi," she says, "I needed to hear that."

"No problem."

Because I needed to hear that too, Sora.

Thank you.

Sora raises her gaze to the sky, then looks at me, "It's getting late, I have to head home," her smile is much more genuine now, "Bye, Taichi."

"Bye, Sora," I say, sliding my hands into my pockets with a smile, "Thanks, yeah?"

Sora nods with a smile and walks away. I watch her for a moment. It's autumn and orange leaves fall from trees nearby, complementing the color of her hair nicely as they fall around her. I smile, then turn and walk to the side. The soccer ball is where I left it and I kick it into the air, catching and balancing it on my knee, "Sora!"

Sora turns in surprise. I smile at her and with my hard knee, shoot the soccer ball into the air. I step back and as it falls with gravity, time my kick and let my striker senses guide me as I give the ball one, good kick.

The ball collides with the toe of my shoe, spinning in the evening sky towards Sora who's a distance away. "Taichi?!" She shouts.

"Sora!" I yell to her, grinning, "You're not going to let it hit you, are you?!"

Sora looks surprised, before her orange eyes narrow. The fast ball has almost reached her and she sprints forward, and with a cry, tilts her body and rounds a hard kick at the ball, sending it flying through the air towards me, "Definitely not!" She yells.

My grin widens as the ball zooms past so fast there's a whoosh of air which blows my hair and I swear, sliced off a strand. And then I turn and sprint my fastest and jump into the air, catching the ball in my hands – before gravity pulls me down and I land on the ground. Hard. "Owww…"

"Taichi!" Sora exclaims and I hear her footsteps, "I'm sorry! Are you alright?!"

I laugh. The ball is in my hands and I roll myself over, grinning widely at Sora who has reached me, "Oww… that was an awesome kick, Sora! Who said you can't play soccer in a skirt?"

Sora flushes but smiles at me. She shakes her head, "Taichi, you…" she bends and reaches a hand towards me, "Need a hand?"

I nod and grasp her hand, and with her strength and mine, pull myself up from the ground, "Thanks." I say, grinning.

"You idiot…" Sora says fondly as she smiles at me. She releases my hand, "There're leaves in your hair."

I blink and shake my head of spiky brown hair. Orange and yellow leaves float down, and I reach a hand up to my hair, "Better?"

Sora giggles, and grins, "Silly Taichi," she says, smiling. I blink as she reaches forward and sweeps her hand gently against my hair, and turn my gaze to the falling orange leaf.

Sora withdraws her hand, sighing. "What did you go running after the ball for?! Jumping into the air like that!"

I just shrug helplessly, that grin still on my face. I run a hand through my hair, "Eh, I don't know! I guess it was the adrenaline!" I smile at her, "Seeing Takenouchi Sora play soccer again, I guess it made me excited too!"

Sora blinks at me and I smile, tucking the soccer ball under my arm, "Hey, Sora? What does soccer mean to you?"

"Soccer?"

"Yeah," I take the soccer ball from under my arm and throw it into the air. Sora watches as it falls, and I catch it. I spin it on my finger, a little trick I learnt, as I meet her surprised eyes, "To me, soccer is freedom. The rush of wind, the way you can run freely," I remove the spin on the soccer ball as my finger retreats into a fist which I use to bump the ball into the air. When it falls again, I bump it again, with my knee this time, then to my other knee, then my head, "What is soccer to you, Sora?"

"Soccer…" Sora murmurs. She smiles as I try to balance the ball of my head, "Soccer is something I love. Soccer is something I loved to play. Something I felt free doing."

"But because I felt free, I took the freedom for granted. Now, I play tennis, not soccer," the ball falls off my head as I lower my gaze and I just catch it with my hand, and look at Sora, "But because I felt free, and I realized that freedom is precious, I still love soccer." Sora pauses, then smiles at me, "Soccer is something I love. It's something precious to me."

"Sora…"

Sora grins a little at me, "Ever heard of the saying, 'If you love something, let it go', Taichi?" She asks, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be."

"Kinda cheesy, but I…believe in it," Sora smiles at me, something in her eyes I can't recognize, and maybe we're just not merely talking 'bout soccer, "There's no use keeping something if it doesn't want to stay. Soccer is like that too, I had to let it go because I realized it was not mine. I realized there were things more important than my love for soccer."

"But because I love it, I believe it will come back to me someday," Sora smiles, nodding, "That's right. I may have to concentrate on tennis now, but I believe that one day, I'll be able to play soccer again!"

_"You make me miss soccer!"_

"Because you miss it, you want to play it, you love it even more," I say. I shake my head, and give Sora an apologetic look, "Sorry, Sora. I didn't understand. But I understand now."

"It's alright, Taichi," Sora reassures me, smiling, "I've learnt a lot today." She nods, "I have so many things precious to me, but now, I know what's most important."

"What is?"

"Love, my love," Sora replies seriously. I blink at her and she smiles, "No, not that love. I'm talking about Love."

"Love…"I say hesitantly, "Your…crest?"

Sora nods, "I realized I had love because of Piyomon," she says with a nostalgic smile on her face, "I realized she loved me, just like my mother. I realized I had love in my life all along."

"I had love, and because of that, I was able to love," she smiles at me, "But because I loved too much, I couldn't see others' love."

"…Sora?" I say, raising a hand to the back of my head with a sheepish smile, "Don't get angry but…I don't really understand."

"Sorry, Taichi!" Sora smiles at me and I blink, "I guess I went off for a moment there!"

"Ah…"

"Uhuh. But you know, I still have Love," Sora smiles at me, her eyes bright, "I've always had the love of my friends and family, the people I care about."

"Yeah!" I say, because I understand these words. I smile at her, "Wasn't I telling you that, before?"

"And you told me in the Digital World I care about others more than myself," Sora recalls with a smile, "And you're right, Taichi. That's who I am."

"Because Love," I watch as Sora lifts a hand and places it over her heart with a soft smile, "Is the symbol of my heart. This love for the people I care about, my precious friends."

She says it in an almost, how do I put it, melancholic way, but the smile on her face is genuine. I blink, thinking for the first time that Sora's kind of…mysterious? Enig…matic? Usually I'd use that word for Yamato, but that's what Sora is now.

…Well, as long as she's happy, right? Who cares what Sora is, as long as she's happy? I don't.

"Because Sora is the sky who's always supporting us," I add with a smile, "Sora, you love everyone."

She smiles and nods at me, though there's a glimmer of surprise in her eyes, "Yeah, I do," she removes her hand from her heart and lets it fall to her side, "Well, I really have to get going now, Taichi! Or my mother will be worried."

"Ah, oh yeah!" I say sheepishly, "Sorry, Sora! I forgot!"

Sora giggles, "It's okay really, Taichi."

I smile at her, then blink. I lean forward. "Hey Sora? Hold this for a moment." I hold the soccer ball out to her.

She blinks and takes it. "Taichi?"

"Hold still," I say as I move closer to her and lean down slightly, brushing aside her orange hair carefully with a grin, "You have a leaf in your hair too!"

I know she's smiling, "Really?"

"Yeah," I say. I use my left hand to part her orange strands of hair and my right hand to pluck the orange leaf as I grin in amusement, moving back, "I didn't see it before 'cause it was camouflaged in your hair." I say teasingly.

Sora blinks, then smiles at me, "Oops," she says sheepishly, her cheeks pink. She looks at the leaf, "Hey Taichi, can I keep that?"

I blink, and look down to the orange leaf in my hand, "This? Sure, it was in your hair after all," I say, tilting my head, "Why do you want it, though?"

"Well, it's a maple leaf," Sora says, smiling, and I lower my gaze to the leaf. "It's pretty."

"Eh? You mean we have a maple tree around here?" I say, surprised, only just noticing the shape of the orange leaf. I lift my head. "I didn't notice!"

"Because you're always too busy with soccer." Sora teases and I grin.

"So…can I have it?" Sora asks almost shyly.

I blink but nod and smile, holding the maple leaf towards her, "Yeah, sure!" I wink, "You can keep it as a memento of today, Sora!"

She smiles brightly at me, and receives the maple leaf from me, "Thanks, Taichi!"

"No problem, Sora."

Sora's smile widens. She closes her hand around the maple leaf carefully. "Then, I'm going now!"

"Yeah!" I say to her as she turns and walks away, "See you tomorrow, Sora!"

She stops for a while, as if in surprise. But then she turns, and meets my eyes with a grateful smile, "Yeah! See you tomorrow, Taichi!"

As Sora walks away, in her school uniform, green blouse and green skirt, I blink and the thought comes to me that maybe I should have, you know, offered to walk her home? Or something. It's late after all.

But then again, that's what Yamato would do, right? If he were here.

Anyway, it'd be kind of weird. Yeah I know Sora's a girl, but even now, she's just Sora to me. If we're walking together, we're walking together, I'm not walking her home. Like in the past, we'd walk home together after school and chat and laugh before parting ways. If one of my soccer teammates say I should walk her home I'd do it 'cause that's what they expect of me as a guy with a girl-friend. But we'll just be walking home together like when we were kids, since the tension between us has diffused now. I mean, Sora can take care of herself, she's always been taking care of herself. She doesn't need a guy to walk her home- unless it's Yamato and she wants him to.

I shake my head. There we go again.

But walking Sora home is like…walking Yamato home? I mean Yamato wouldn't need me to walk him home, though we used to walk home together before I started differentiating myself and all. I wouldn't want to walk Yamato home either, I'd just like to walk together with Yamato. I mean, we were friends first.

But anyway Yamato wouldn't want to walk together with me now.

I sigh. I'm not even sure what I'm thinking. I guess I'm just wondering why the guys thought I liked Sora (even until recently, like Mura said, "Hey Taichi, maybe that Sora girl will notice you now that you've become smart and you're growing taller." But Mura's easy to deal with, I just have to remind him of his crush on Yuki and he'd get all embarrassed and defensive, "What? I don't like her! She's just my best friend! I bet you're just saying that 'cause you're trying to distract me from your crush on your girl!" Of course, I'd say, "You're the one who's trying to distract me from your crush on _your_ girl.") We hadn't even been talking to each other, until, today, really. I mean, I've been more affectionate with Yamato than Sora, and they don't go thinking I like Yamato!

But then again, I suppose it's 'cause Yamato's a guy. We're both guys, so why would they think I like him?

Even if I do. Even if I do like him, love him.

Yeah, sorry Mura, I don't have a crush on a girl, I have a crush on a guy. Maybe if you said, "You're just trying to distract me from your crush on your best friend!" You'd be right. Of course, I'd say, "You're the one who's trying to distract me from your crush on _your_ best friend!" And both statements would then be true. Who knows, maybe we could even have a good laugh at how we're both idiots. That's assuming he wouldn't be disgusted at my crush on my male best friend. Which I doubt.

Yeah right, if it's a crush it wouldn't hurt this much. It's more than just a crush.

…Why am I thinking about him again?

Fuck.

I wonder, would things have been different if I'd fallen for Sora? I mean, she's a girl so I wouldn't have lacked the courage to confess. Alright, I'd have been nervous and hesitant I guess 'cause you're always nervous when you're confessing to someone 'cause you don't know if they like you back and you're scared of rejection but I reckon it'd have been better than being in love with Yamato. I mean even if Sora rejected me for Yamato I'll get over it 'cause she's rejecting me for another guy she likes, right? I'd still like or love her but I'd accept it 'cause I'd have known she liked Yamato. Like, say I confessed to Yamato now, and he rejects me 'cause he already has Sora (which I already know) and it'd, just, hurt. I haven't even confessed (and I'm not planning to) yet I already feel like I've been rejected. I guess it's 'cause I didn't know he liked Sora, (I mean he dated her but he didn't say he liked her, so I guess I was trying to comfort myself that he's just dating her to try?) until that Valentines' Day with Boltmon kidnapping her and the other girls and Yamato shouted to Sora that he loved her. _Aishiteru_, he said, exactly what I said to him when we were alone after defeating Diablomon. '_Sora! Aishiteru!'. _That's what he said. He was next to me (even though he wasn't saying it to me), so I should know.

I guess '_Daisuki! Sora!', _or '_Sora! Suki dayo!' _istoo, childish for the cool Ishida Yamato. And of course he has to tell his girlfriend he loves her when she's feeling insecure.

They say falling in love with your best friend is a good thing 'cause you already have trust in your relationship. But that's assuming you and your best friend are of opposite genders. I have two best friends, and I just had to fall for the one who's not a girl but a guy like me.

And because I'm a cowardly idiot extraordinaire, I just had to screw up my two best friends' relationship too.

My phone vibrates in my pocket. I sigh, tuck my soccer ball under my arm and slip my free hand into my pocket, pulling it out, my stupid, stubborn heart still beating a little fast in hope, and dropping when I see the sender.

**_Thank you for today, Taichi. I'm sorry I had to go. I really enjoyed our time together. You were always my best friend who's been there for me, even until now. I've missed you. I hope that one day, we can play soccer together again._**

**_愛，_**

**_空_**

Even though I'm disappointed it isn't Yamato (why would it be, anyway?) I can't help but smile at Sora's message. Yeah, that's like Sora, always saying what's on her mind, not holding back. Like me, but the difference is, she's not an idiot with words.

Love, huh? Heh I remembered after the whole Diablomon fiasco I went and checked my sent email (after Sora forgave me), and when Hikari was being curious on my email I_ really_ went and put a heart (I'd touched a wrong key when I was surprised I think)! Ah it was so embarrassing, and even more embarrassing 'cause Hikari saw it (Little sisters aren't supposed to peek at their big brothers' messages)! But hey I guess it was worth it 'cause Sora forgave me, right? Haha, she must have forgiven me 'cause of that heart! I guess it's alright since girls like all these symbols like smileys and hearts; I'm not good with words anyway!

That memory makes my smile widen. Ah, nostalgia.

Come to think of it, maybe that's why the guys say I'd be great with girls. Yeah I'm an idiot with words but girls don't seem to mind that anyway. They think it's cute, like Aoi. Yeah I'd be able to score with girls!

But too bad life isn't perfect and I don't like a girl, I like a guy.

Gah. Yagami you're one screwed up guy aren't you? Giving up pretty girls (like Aoi) for a guy (who's pretty too) but doesn't like, love you back.

Anyway. Sora.

'Cause she's Sora, just like always, I don't really have to think when I reply her, even if it's through a message.

**Hey, it's no problem, Sora! It's fine! Yeah it was fun, and I kind of missed hanging out with you too, you know? Smile, yeah? Frowning doesn't suit you at all. And hey, of course we'll play soccer again, one day. It's a promise! ****これは****約束****だ****！**

** -****八神太一**

…Nah. It's too formal.

I delete away the kanji for my family name.

**-****太一**

I blink, raising my hand to scratch my head. Geez, doesn't sound quite right. I mean, it's Sora!

Hmmm…maybe…where's that key?

Ah, where is that damn thing? So much trouble for a heart! Ah, should I just put 'Love' like she did and say, "Sorry Sora, couldn't find a heart"? Nah, that'd defeat the purpose! Haha but that would be me in the past! Really…

Let's see…itsumo…shin-yuu.

**いつも親友****,**

**-****太一**

**(\/)  
~ ~ **

**P.S. Sorry Sora, couldn't find a heart!**

And sent!

...Yup. I ended up saying it anyway. Why go through so much trouble to find a heart? I think my stupid phone doesn't have it…ah, she'll understand, right? Hey anyway it looks like a heart! Kind of. See, those lines and brackets make the top! It's just missing the bottom. Geh. So I just added those wriggly signs. Anyway she already has Yamato's heart-I mean I'm sure Yamato sends her hearts- though I can't imagine Yamato using such a cheesy symbol. Yeah I really can't.

**_Haha! It_****_'_****_s okay, Taichi! _****_大丈夫よ！_**

**_It looks like a rabbit! So cute!_**

**_ええ、それは約束だ。_****_きっと！_**

**_Yeah, it's a promise. Surely!_**

**_愛情，_**

**_空_**

**_P.S. Eheh, I couldn't find a heart either! _****_ごめん _****_! _**

**_Sorry~! Gomen ne, Taichi~!_**

**_അ_**

**_\ ^ _ ^ /_**

**_ /\/\ /\/\_**

...Rabbit? Seriously...?

...I guess it does.

…Eh, that face kind of looks like Piyomon! Kinda. That wriggly, squiggly thing on top looks like Piyomon's head- eh, I don't know what to call it. Feathers? Antenna? Anyway it's the blue curls on top of her head!

Haha, how cute. Maybe one day I can create a face for Agumon too!

**_Heh. Don't worry, Sora! 心配しないで !_**_ **A heart is just a symbol, ne? I know I'll always have your love! **_

**いつも親友**

**~太一**

******(\ _ /)  
(^ _^)**  
******(\/)_()**

There, it looks more like a rabbit now! Haha, a rabbit doing the cheese sign!

I grin as I send the message. Kinda cheesy but who cares? It's Sora! I've known her since when I was a kid! Why'd I say I wanted her love too anyway? Yeah I was just kidding but I'm Sora's best friend! I've always had her love!

It was funny though, with Jyou yelling at me how could I say that (he's so uptight sometimes! Why couldn't I say I wanted my best friend's love too? It's not like Sora's his best friend!) and Mimi saying she would give him her love and dumping those…seeds into his hands. Hahaha, yeah we all had a good laugh…except Yamato 'cause he was off playing his harmonica. But hey we need someone to provide music, yeah?

Ah, those were the good old days.

I miss them.

**_Yeah, Taichi~!_**

_**空 愛太一 ~!**_

**അ**

**\ ^ _ ^ /**

** (\/) /\/\**

**~ 愛情 ~ 空 ~**

...Yup, I bet Sora's using it 'cause it reminds her of Piyomon. How she'd get that squiggly thing anyway?!

…Wait a minute.

H-Hey, she copied my cheese sign! I mean, my rabbit's cheese sign! That's not fair, Sora! Who the hell said you could copy Yagami Taichi's Bunny's Cheese Sign 'TM' ?!

...Good thing Sora's not here or she'll laugh at me pouting and call me silly or cute or something! Argh. Girls!

...Well, I haven't grinned like this for a long time! Laughter really is the best medicine.

Oh I'll get you for this tomorrow, Sora! Just you wait.

But well when Takenouchi Sora says 'Surely', she means it.

And I guess we're kinda weird, using Romaji then alternating like that. But hey, our lives have never been normal! Anyway she knows I prefer Romaji to Kanji. Though Hiragana is easy enough and Katakana is okay I guess. Better than kanji anyway. Ugh why is our (writing) language so hard to learn? Alright, not that hard when you practice everyday, but it's troublesome! When I sent that email to Sora, I had to search for the kanji for my name! Who knew 'Taichi' could be written in so many different ways? Man, just typing that email was exhausting!

And damn Koushiro's friend who was in elementary school but was attending college! No wonder Koushiro's so smart, he has all the smart friends!

And that includes me, of course!

Even Koushiro was surprised when he heard I'm no longer failing (or just passing) my subjects (except Math 'cause I always ace that). Ha! That'd show you not to underestimate me, Koushiro! I can be smart too! What do you have to say to that, huuuuuh?

And he said, "Surprisingly, Taichi-san."

Grr, that bastard!

But since he was smiling I took it as a joke and didn't punch him. Wow, Koushiro can joke. Just what have I been missing out on?

I smile. Just thinking about my friends cheers me up a bit. At least we're still friends, right?

I look at Sora's message, then slide my phone back into my pocket. I make my way to the bleachers where my bag is. My soccer ball is still under my arm and I put it down, reaching into my bag.

I pull my i-Pod out and press the button to light up the screen. I scroll lazily through my list of songs but end up putting the player on random selection. And then I take my earphones which are blue, (yeah you guessed right, there were no orange ones anyway), out and plug them in, putting them to my ears. They're not expensive or anything, they're just to let me listen to music.

Yeah, Yamato's not the only one who listens to music. Yagami Taichi does too. It helps him to deal with reality and his unrequited love for Ishida Yamato.

He even plays music - but that's another story.

I zip my bag and with music blasting in my ears, heave it over my shoulder. I reach to tuck my soccer ball back under my arm. And then I turn and head off into the sunset alone. I smile as I think back to the time I spent with Sora, and our exchange of affectionate, almost lovey-dovey (haha) messages.

Yeah, at least I still have one of my best friends.

Even if she's not the one I want.

Even if she's not the one I love.

Even if she's with the one I love.

* * *

_Like my name was suddenly called out_  
_I want to stop, want to turn around _  
_That sort of thing sometimes happens_  
_I followed my tracks, wanting to make sure_

_I wonder, how many wishes have come true?_  
_How many tears have been shed?_  
_The answer is still_  
_Waiting in the future_

_Surely from today, from where I am_  
_I want to become a stronger person_  
_Yesterday, I painted that sort of dreams_  
_I'll live on without betraying them, Everyday_

* * *

_If the head wind also changes direction _  
_It'll turn into tailwind, and we can be allies_  
_If I also change my heart in that manner_  
_My smile probably won't disappear_

_I can't see the thing I want the most_  
_Even so, I wish for strength_  
_While embracing it, I strain my eyes_  
_And see my aspiration_

_Surely from today, from where I am_  
_I want to become a new me_  
_It really looks like someone's imitation_  
_More than I deserve, just my Everyday_

* * *

_Surely from today, from where I am_  
_I want to become a stronger person_  
_Yesterday, I painted that sort of dreams_  
_I'll live on without betraying them, Everyday_

_More than the sun that sparkles far away in the sky,_  
_More than the shining stars_  
_It looks just like a day, even though_  
_In reality, there's only one Everyday_

_-Shiny Days_

**By ****_Takenouchi Sora (Home of the Sky Warrior)_**

_അ_

_\ ^ _ ^ /_

_ /\/\ /\/\_

**_~ 愛情 ~ 空 ~_**


	11. Numbers, The Curve, the Area and Limits

_"T-Taichi…"_

_"Mmmm…" I murmur as I lean over him, kissing his neck as he gasps, "Yamato."_

_He gasps again as I pull my fingers out of him. He looks up at me with pleasure filled blue eyes then smirks, and I blink as he pulls me down, "Aren't you going to do it?" He says breathlessly._

_I blink. "W-Wait, why am I- I thought-mph!"_

_I moan as he kisses me, my mind going back to its lustful state and I pant into Yamato's mouth as he draws me close, making arousing noises. When we part, all I can see is his flushed face and beautiful naked body, all I can think of is how beautiful his blue eyes are, and how I need to make him mine._

_But wait, what, why are we in this position, I thought I'd differentiated-_

_"Don't think," Yamato murmurs as he wraps his slender legs around my waist, "Just go with the flow."_

_"I want you, Taichi." He whispers by my ear. "Will you have me?"_

_He emphasizes by grinding up against me and I let out a sharp gasp at the sharp spark of pleasure at the brush of our erections. "Fuck!"_

_I'm fucking confused, why is Yamato under me, naked (not that I don't appreciate the view); why is he seducing me again- I c-can't-shit!_

_"That's right, fuck me," Yamato purrs silkily as he presses up against me, and I feel heat flood my cheeks. No Yagami don't you can't he must be drunk or something or maybe you're drunk- what about Sora?! Didn't you just reconcile- "Make me yours, Taichi, just like you've always wanted."_

_The blood rushes down to my groin and suddenly I can distinctly feel the hardness of my cock as Yamato moans and rubs himself against me, "Please Taichi," he gasps, as he pushes himself closer to me, and I gasp, clenching my fists as I feel his entrance so close to my throbbing, almost painful erection. Fuck, fuck! "I need you."_

_"B-But," I moan as he presses desperate kisses to my neck, "S-Sora…"_

_"I don't need Sora, I need you." Yamato says to my weak protest. "Taichi…"_

_And then he rubs himself against me again with a soft whine and I'm not really thinking when I remove his legs from my waist, shove him down onto the bed, spread his legs and bring them over my shoulders and I enter him in one swift thrust. He cries out, fisting the sheets like he did when we were integrating back at his house and I gasp at the feeling of him around my cock._

_"Taichi!"_

_"Yamato," I pant. He's pleading me with those beautiful blue eyes and I growl, pulling out and thrusting into him. He gasps again and I groan at the pleasurable feeling as he arches up against me as I thrust into him, "T-There!" He cries out in pleasure, "T-Taichi!"_

_His lips are so red and I lean down to capture them as I adjust my angle and enter further into him. We gasp as I hit something which makes him scream, as I muffle the sound with my mouth. _

_The initial resistance is gone and I pant, quickening my thrusts as I pound him into the sheets, and he moans and screams as I hit that something in him. He's so tight but he's loosening up and fuck, it feels good, it feels really good, am I really fucking Ishida Yamato what the hell am I doing-why is my vision getting blurry?_

_I reach out my hand towards his dripping cock and he gasps. I smirk and tease the leaking tip and he moans, tears of pleasure in his blue eyes and crying out with his head thrown back as I ram into him, "Ah! Taichi-haah!" I reach out my hand to tweak his nipple and he whimpers, then screams as I give a particularly hard thrust, growling. Lust is clouding my senses and maybe blurring my vision but who the fuck cares- Yamato is mine, I'm making him mine, he's screaming my name, my name-_

_"Taichi!" His cheeks are flushed red, sweat is dampening his body, and I jerk his leaking cock and he moans helplessly, "Taichi-I'm-goin-"_

_"Yamato!" I groan as through the haze of pleasure, and fuck, I feel my climax building up, even though I'm thrusting so fast but somehow everything seems to be getting slower even as I hear Yamato's scream and feel him tighten around me and I moan as white flashes across my eyes-_

"Onii-chan!"

I gasp and shoot up in bed, as the alarm clock goes off. "H-Hikari?!" I cry out hoarsely.

"Onii-chan! You're going to be late for school! What are you still doing sleeping?!" Hikari's voice sounds, "I'm coming in-"

"NO!" I yell, feeling panic build up inside of me, "No! Don't come in!"

"Eh? Why?"

"Just don't!" I say, "I-uh, I just woke up and my hair is in a mess and yeah it was a hot night so I slept naked! You don't want to see your big brother naked, do you?!" I blabber, "So don't' come in!"

"Ew, Onii-chan!" Hikari says, but sounds like she's smiling in amusement, "Okay then, hurry up!"

"Got it! Ah you shut up you stupid alarm clock!"

I bang my fist on the alarm clock, and it mercifully stops ringing. I stare, then sigh. I look down, then blink at the wet sheets.

…Fuck!

Oh shit _why_ today of all days?! I have a maths test in first period and I'm already late!

And then I remember the…dream. The dream with Yamato – Yamato naked, being inside Yamato, Yamato screaming and coming-

Gah! What the _hell_ are you thinking, Yagami?! Maths! MATHS!

Oh shit oh shit, what to do?! I grimace as the…problem in my wet boxers sticks out at me, as if my own libido is mocking me- my situation- which it brought upon me in the first place!

Oh god I just had a wet dream about Yamato! Way to point out the obvious Yagami but WHY?! You're not supposed to be thinking of Ishida Yamato least of all dreaming of integrating with- I mean, integrating; yeah, integration! Maths!

Fuck fuck fuck! Okay calm down Yagami, don't panic and do things one step at a fucking time! No use glaring at Yagami Jr! The little (no I'm not small – it's just a figure of speech, just ask Yama-GAH!) guy _won't_ get you to school!

God it was so fucking real- but now's _not_ the time to think about that!

I grimace and get off the bed, going into the bathroom. My hair's a mess but there's a more important problem at hand. I'll change the sheets later-there should be an extra in the wardrobe- but now I really need a fucking cold shower yeah 'cause I can't go to school in this state and I don't have the time to jack off now-I mean I'm tempted to but-

"ONII-CHAN! HURRY UP! IT'S 8.00! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!'"

…GAH! FUCKING LIBIDO! JUST GET INTO THE SHOWER ALREADY, YAGAMI!

* * *

"Swory I'm laet!"

Minamoto-sensei looks at me in wry amusement, "So nice of you to finally join us, Yagami-kun," he says as he holds a pile of papers in his hands, "But I'm afraid the test is already over."

The rice ball falls from my mouth, "What?!" I splutter. "But sensei, I sprinted here in _record_ time!" I jab my middle finger at the clock, "It's 8.15!"

The girls in the class giggle as Minamoto-sensei shrugs, "I did say it was a short test, did I not?"

I gape as Minamoto-sensei places the papers on his desk, then walks to the board, "Take your seat, Yagami-kun."

My body slumps to the floor in defeat, "No way!"

"I believe I didn't assign the floor as your seat, unless you would like it to be." Minamoto-sensei says, "Oh and pick up the rice ball you dropped or I'll assign you double cleaning duty."

The girls giggle again and I sigh. I pick up the rice ball and raise myself from the floor, and glare at my Maths teacher's back, muttering under my breath as I make my way to my seat, "Bastard…so smug that I missed a test. I'll show you I'll still ace Maths!" I scowl, "It's just one stupid test anyway! Che!"

Yeah- that smug bastard's my former homeroom teacher and my maths teacher. He's sarcastic towards me 'cause I ace his class when I sleep in it 'cause it's boring.

I take my seat and pop the rice ball into my mouth (hey I just cleaned the floor yesterday) and chew on its delicious taste.

I swear, he's making our tests shorter and shorter! How long was it this time, 10 minutes? I still remember, last year when Agumon was kidnapped by the Kaiser, I couldn't concentrate on the stupid test at all, I just wanted to go off already and rescue Agumon! But nooooo, I had to stay back for a stupid maths test which tested things I already knew but just couldn't concentrate on the questions at that time. But of course the old geezer had to glance at me then and I had to pretend to be doing the test! Yeah I was just waiting for those five damn minutes to end but he kept staring at me so I just picked my pencil up, did some quick mental calculation (Jyou's not the only one who can do it) and scribbled some answers in the last three minutes? Or was it two? Well it was only one page. Geez, that was a year ago!

Man, and now I've missed another test!

But yeah, that time…I was really worried about Agumon. I was so glad to have him back, and then he was taken away from me again, right in front of my eyes. He became evil with the Evil Spiral and evolved into Metalgreymon with the Virus attribute but I didn't care- I just wanted Agumon back. I guess I was desperate, and I thought he would be able to hear me. But I was just being an idiot as usual and I didn't listen to anyone, just like that time with Skullgreymon. I didn't even want anyone to attack Metalgreymon, even though it was the right thing to do.

But at least that time was better, because I still had Agumon afterwards. But the Kaiser flew away with Metalgreymon and I couldn't do anything at all. I felt so damn helpless and lost without my partner- I've never had Agumon taken away right before my eyes before. And I couldn't do anything to stop the bastard (The Kaiser, not Ken – Ken's a good guy. The Kaiser is the bad one. No one's perfect anyway, not even geniuses.).

And I was in that state, blaming myself when Yamato arrived with Miyako-chan. I don't know how he even knew about the situation, how did he know where I was going? I guess Koushiro told him, but wait I thought he had band practice on that day…did he cancel it for me?

But, I didn't even notice him then. Without Agumon, I was a coward, I lost my courage.

And then Yamato stepped to me and said my name. I turned to him, and next thing I knew he had drawn his fist back and punched me, hard enough to make me fall on my ass on the hard ground. Daisuke was angry, saying how could Yamato punch me when I was in shock. But he didn't know Yamato's punch, and the way he held his hand out to me as I stared at him as he said my name- was what I really needed at that moment in time.

I guess Hikari knew even then, 'cause she told Daisuke to wait as he confronted Yamato. But my senses had snapped back to Yamato, Yamato's presence, Yamato's beautiful and determined blue eyes, Yamato's hand- which I was staring at like an idiot at for a while.

But Yamato was patient with me. And I realized, he understood me. Maybe even better than I understood myself at that time.

When I needed someone to shake me to my feet and pull me back up (literally), Yamato was there to do it for me, even when I didn't ask him to be. He didn't sugar coat anything, he wasn't waiting to follow my instructions like Daisuke, he told me what I needed to know, knew, but didn't want to acknowledge, that we had to attack Metalgreymon if we wanted him back; he would rather be destroyed than used. Yamato opened my eyes. He reminded me what it was like to be the leader. How to stand tall in the face of an unexpected obstacle.

I felt a deep connection with him then, almost like when we were shot by Angemon's and Angewomon's arrows. And when we were on that, cart thing with a sail, I felt much more determined and resolute, able to face reality again, with Yamato by my side. Able to be the strong, courageous leader, because I had him. I looked at him, just as he looked at me, and as he smiled at me; and as my heart skipped a beat, I thought he felt it too. Haha, I still remember, Daisuke asked Veemon what was up with us. He didn't get it 'cause he's not me- how could he understand my feelings for Yamato? Yamato, who's always been there for me when I'm at my worst, when my partner was taken away, and that time when Sora was taken away by Datamon because I was cocky and careless? If Yamato hadn't come to our rescue and pulled me away in my shock and shouted at me when Etemon attacked after I lost Sora, I don't know what I would have done. I probably wouldn't be alive right now. I would have disintegrated into data by Etemon's attack. Death instead of love.

I doubt Daisuke would understand. Yamato's always been there for me. Seeing him so passionate, so resolute to get Agumon back for me with Garurumon, it touched my heart and reminded me why I loved him. But I didn't say that of course, I couldn't – he was doing it out of friendship, the symbol of his heart. It was refreshing, when he shouted at me to trust him just as I was beginning to doubt, that Agumon was going to stay that way forever. 'Cause I'm the leader, no one's really stood up to me like that before. Everyone just assumes what I say and what I do must be right when in fact it may not be right – I tried my best to do the right things but I'm not a perfect person and I did and I do make mistakes. But I trusted and believed in Yamato, just like I always have.

And now, I can't even be there for him. I must have said the wrong words that day, when he needed me to be there for him, or he would be by my side now. He wouldn't have walked away from me.

But I guess it's better this way. I don't deserve someone like him.

Yamato. I wonder what are you doing now? I hope you're smiling again. I hope Sora makes you smile. Because I can't seem to do it anymore.

"Yagami-kun, since you're so confident you can follow the lesson without your textbook, why don't you enlighten us on this problem?"

…Oh yeah, I'm in class. Which I was late for.

I sigh and get up from my seat to the board as the guys smirk and the girls giggle-again.

I shove my hands into my pockets as I walk to the board and look at the problem. Yeah, integrate Y? Sure, I can do that. I did do that, which was why I was late for school.

…Alright, away from the gutter, Yagami. Maths, remember?

Ah wait, looks like I gotta integrate with limits. This is so troublesome.

I pick up the chalk and start to solve the problem, looking to the diagram at the side. We're integrating to find the area under the curve, huh? Fine, so the curve is a quadratic equation. How troublesome. Y is a quadratic equation, so I gotta integrate separately then bracket with the limits. Y = 2x 2 + 3x – 6. So it's…2/3x3 + 3/2x2 -6x. Yeah, it should be correct. We're integrating Y with respect to x so the limits will be the x-coordinates bounding the area under the curve, 2 and 6.

"Don't you need a calculator, Yagami-kun?"

I shake my head, "No thanks." 'Cause I'm too lazy to walk back to my desk and rummage in my badly packed bag for it. And if I can't find it you'll give me that disapproving look. So I'll just use my head.

Right, time to calculate. Sub in 6 first to the integrated equation then bracket it and sub in 2 with another bracket. So, (2/3 x 63 + 3/2 x 36 – 36) – (2/3 x 8 + 3/2 x 4 – 12). So it's (2 x 72 + 3 x 17 – 36 ) – (16/3 + 6 – 12). There, simple maths. So it'll be (144 + 51 – 36) – (16/3 – 6) = 162 – 5/1/3 – 6 = 156 – 5/1/3 = 151 – 1/3….okay, I need a calculator for this one. Ugh, think Yagami…pretend 151 is 1…so it'll be…151/2/3? Geh I hate calculating fractions with whole numbers.

No wait, the whole number can't be 151 'cause I'm subtracting away – so it's 150. 150/2/3. Yeah hopefully that's right.

"The answer is 150 2/3."

"…That's correct," Minamoto-sensei says, a slight surprise in his voice. "The answer is 150 2/3 units2."

Oh yeah, I forgot the units again. I jot the units down.

"Very good, Yagami-kun," Minamoto-sensei says as I turn to look at him, and he actually doesn't sound that sarcastic, and is he smiling? I blink. "That was one of the questions for the test, so I will add that mark to your name on the marksheet." He nods. "You may take your seat."

I return his smile. If he's nice to me (though I don't know why) I guess I'll be nice to him too, "Thanks, Minamoto-sensei." I nod back to him, place the chalk back to where I took it from, then turn and go back to my seat.

There are squeals from girls as I walk back to my seat and plop down on it, and I sigh. Why are they so crazy nowadays? Must be exam stress. I yawn, covering my hand with my mouth.

"Oh my god, Taichi-kun is so cool!"

"Not only is he the ace striker in soccer, he can do maths too!"

"And he did it by mental calculation! Did you see how fast he integrated?!"

"Yeah, I couldn't do that question just now!"

"Oh I will love Maths if Taichi-kun taught it to me!"

"Taichi-kun, will you be my tutor?!"

"No Taichi-kun, be mine!"

Sweat slides down my neck, "Uh," I smile nervously as the girls look at me eagerly, "I'm afraid…I'm already tutoring someone?"

"Who is it?!"

"Yeah! Which girl is so sneaky?!"

"It's not a girl. It's…just a friend." I say. I turn to Minamoto-sensei- but he's watching the scene with wry amusement. I twitch.

"Who?!"

"…No one!" I say quickly, backing further away from their eager eyes, "I mean, I-"

"Taichi-kun!" A familiar feminine voice says brightly, "It's Ishida Yamato, isn't it?!"

"Ehhhhhhhh?!"

I blush. I can't help it – my stupid libido just reminded me of that one time I'd almost integrated-and how I'd integrated with him this morning- "Gah!" I shake my head furiously, and pull myself away from that gutter of dirty things, "No no that's not it! I didn't say anything about Yamato!"

"It's all over your face, Taichi-kun." Hitomi-chan says from beside Suzuki-chan, looking at me in amusement, "Your face is really red."

I stare, then groan and bury my face in my hands. I want to tell them that was in the past, but then they'll pester me to be their tutor! I mean I doubt they really want to learn anything anyway – they'll just stare at me and think it's a study date! I really fail at lying…!

"Fine, fine! It's Yamato!" He won't know anyway, right?!

"Kyaaaaaa! So cute! Taichi-kun is teaching Yamato-kun Maths!" Suzuki-chan exclaims and I don't need to look at her to know her eyes are shining.

"Interesting." Hitomi-chan says and sounds like she's smiling. "Maybe they really do have study dates."

"Yamato-kun is bad at Maths?! I can teach him!"

"You can't! Taichi-kun is already his tutor!"

"Awww!"

"Taichi-kun and Yamato-kun are so cute together!"

"Taichi-kun is so adorable when he blushes!"

"Oi, Taichi!" I look up to where Akira is smirking at me, "Your face is reaallly red!"

"And that's saying a lot with your tan skin." Shunsuke adds cheerily.

I glare at them, wishing Saitou was in my class so I would at least have _someone_ by my side! "Shut up!"

"Oi oi, Yagami has become really smart lately, huh?"

"Exactly! And he's getting all the girls' attention! It's so bloody unfair!"

"Well he is- but it seems like they are happy that him and Ishida Yamato are together?"

"What?! You mean Yagami's gay?!"

"I always knew there was something with his family name!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when you spell it backwards in English…"

"…Seriously?!"

"Yeah."

"He doesn't seem like it – but hey that just means he's out of bounds for the girls!"

"Haha, and yeah that means that leaves the girls to us!"

"Yeah and if Ishida Yamato is gay too the girls will just have to give up on him as well! And that'll be practically all the girls in the entire school!"

"But doesn't Ishida Yamato have a girlfriend?"

"Really?"

"…Beats me."

I moan in exasperation, "I am not with Yamato!" I say loudly, "He's just a friend!"

"Ah ah," Akira wags his finger at me, "Your expression doesn't say so. Denial is not just a river in Egypt, Taichi!"

"What the hell does that mean?!" I glare at him, "And weren't you guys teasing me 'bout Sora?!"

Akira blinks at me, "You mean you're two-timing?!" He gasps, "Hey that's not noble, Yagami! Just take Ishida already and leave the girls to us!"

I gawk. How did he come to that conclusion?!

"Yeah he may be pretty but we're not into guys! Anyway isn't it a good deal? You get a pretty boy and we get the pretty girls!" Shunsuke grins widely as if he'd just discovered the truth of the universe. "It's brilliant!"

Akira nods, and grins along with his best friend, "So hurry up and ask him out already!"

…I still wonder why these two idiots are in my class this Year.

I glare at Akira and wish I had something to throw at him. But 'cause I'm lazy and didn't take anything out and I already finished my rice ball (it would be wasted on him anyway), I don't. Damn, should have brought the chalk back! Yeah it'd make a nice mark on his forehead! And then we'll see how much the girls like him!

"Yeah yeah- come to think of it, I think he broke up with that Sora girl who's your childhood friend! I mean I saw her alone the other day-"

"Ah yeah, Sora-chan looked sad that day, didn't she?"

"Yeah! So there's your chance, Yagami! Hurry and claim Ishida Yamato and leave the girls to us! I'm sure he looovees you too!"

"Hey hey, even the guys are talking about them!"

"Yeah! Maybe Taichi-kun really likes Yamato-kun?"

"No way!"

"Kyaaaaa! I knew it!"

"Suzuki-chan…"

I groan and bang my head and red face on the table at their warped logic – what the fucking hell are they saying how can I ask Yamato out- and what break up- Sora's just alone and sad 'cause Yamato's troubled in his friendship with me- as Minamoto-sensei booms, "Alright, enough teenage talk!" He says, but there's no mistaking the amusement in his voice, "Let us get back to Maths! I'm sure you can discuss the issue of Yagami-kun's sexuality at a later time."

There's further giggling and I raise my head to glare at him. Bastard! You don't have to add fuel to the fire!

And I swear he smirked at me before turning away, as if saying, _"That's what you get for sleeping in my class."_

Yeah, what nice? He's still a bastard!

I growl and reach down to pull out my maths textbook roughly and drop it onto the table, flipping the pages roughly to the topic we stopped at.

Che! I guess this is the one time I can't sleep in the old geezer's class.

* * *

"Taichi! Pass!"

"Okay!"

Two members from the other team are intercepting me when I whirl and kick the ball to Akira, who grins. He weaves in between the other team's defenders, and then kicks the ball, "Captain!"

Saitou gets the ball and heads straight for the goal – he moves so fast that the other team's goalkeeper is caught off guard and his hands barely graze the ball when it shoots past him into the net.

"Kyaaaa! Saitou-kun!"

"So cool!"

"Goal to Team TASS!"

"Awesome kick, Captain!"

"Yeah!" I agree as we run to Saitou during the time break. "But Team TASS? Who picked such a dumb name anyway?!"

It's mass PE, thank god for this –_ holy_ subject (recently integrated into the timetable; the mass part, I mean) or we would all have died of brain cells exploding from being stuck in the classroom for so long! Che, the nerds who complain that PE is a waste of time can kiss my ass!

"Me!" Akira declares with no shame at all (yeah that guy has no shame in anything, whether it's girls, sex, failing subjects or picking stupid names for our PE team). He wipes away the sweat sliding down his face with the back of his hand, "And it's a great name! Would you rather it be, SATS? Or ASST?"

"Good thing I'm here or it would really become ASS." I smirk, brushing back my wild hair, "That's what you get for naming our team with initials."

Saitou, Shunsuke and I laugh and Akira scowls, then pouts, "It's not my fault my name begins with an A!" He then grins and says proudly, "Anyway, A is the 1st letter so it's the best!"

"If asses are the best."

"Ah, shut up!"

I smile. We're playing soccer in mass PE in the sports hall, nothing serious though, we don't even have a real referee. Some people are studying (crazy people) or just sitting on the sidelines (the teacher's absent) so it's just me, Akira, Shunsuke and Saitou against the other team, which has more people than we do 'cause they said it's unfair for all the soccer players to be in one team.

"Bet you wouldn't say that if it was Ishida Yamato's ass!" Akira smirks.

I choke on my own breath, spluttering and glaring, "Akira-!"

Not that you would know but yeah Yamato has the best ass, it's so perfect and so tight-

…_STOP_ RIGHT THERE, YAGAMI!

AH stupid libido! Gah NO! Down boy, _down_! I better stop thinking right now 'cause I can't get aroused _here_ –what would they say I'd _die_ of embarrassment especially after what _Akira_ said- and anyway I won't be able to play soccer with an erection! Or even run, for that matter! So stop thinking of integrating with Ishida Yamato's ass, Yagami!

"KYAAAAAAAAAAA!"

A wave of female screams sounds and cut through my thoughts – the frequency so high that we wince and turn our heads. "What the hell?" Akira voices for us.

My eyes widen, as Saitou says, "It's Ishida Yamato."

I stare.

It's Yamato, Yamato with a basketball. He's in his uniform, but without his blazer. Even from this distance, I can see his beautiful blue eyes- focused and hard, as he weaves and spins his body as if to some rhythm only he can hear. He dodges and dances as he dribbles the basketball back and forth, left and right, away from his opponents, as he heads for the net.

Akira's jaw drops, "Ishida Yamato can play basketball?" He says, "Hey Taichi, did you know your boyfriend can play basketball?"

Saitou gives me a questioning look at that, but I'm not really looking at him or listening to Akira. I'm looking at Yamato and my breath is caught in my throat as he swerves to the side to avoid a member of the other team. I watch his blue eyes narrow, and then he jumps into the air, up high.

Akira and Shunsuke gasp, and even Saitou lets out a small surprised sound, "Amazing."

The ball slams down into the net and Yamato lands on the floor, panting. He brushes sweat away from his pale forehead in the silence that follows.

And then there's far from a silence as the basketball plops onto the ground and there's screaming and clapping and cheering as Yamato turns and walks, his hand clutching the front of his shirt.

"OH MY GOD YAMATO-KUN, THAT WAS SO COOL!"

"Slamdunk! Yamato-kun is so cool!"

"Kyaaaaa! He's so amazing!"

"Hey, did you see that?! Ishida did a slamdunk!"

"I didn't know he could play basketball!"

"Hey, you guys! We must have him on the team!"

"But he's already in a band!"

"And it's not as if he's an actual basketball player!"

"Well Coach can train him!"

I shake off my surprise and walk forward, as Yamato turns to a guy on the way back, "Are you satisfied?" He says coldly, and I see the guy stare in shock as Yamato looks at him with piercing blue eyes, "I played, just like you wanted. So stop bothering me."

And then he walks away like the cool guy he is, as girls squeal and scream and shout. I look at him, look at his pale face as he pants, look at the pause between his shaky steps as he stumbles-

Shit.

"YAMATO!"

I don't know how I got there in time – one moment I was standing metres away from him and the next my body was moving and I was running then sliding and reaching out my arms desperately and I catch him as he falls, and the back of my head bangs on the floor. "Ow!"

There are shouts and yells of surprise, but all I hear is Yamato's voice as he stares down at me with surprised blue eyes. "T…Taichi?"

"Hey, long time no see," I grin painfully up at him, "Nice slamdunk. Takeru taught you how to play basketball?"

He looks down at me with hazy blue eyes. My heart is beating fast and I swallow as he smiles like an angel and closes his eyes, and he leans towards me- and for a moment I think he's going to do something crazy like kiss me, but then he's falling, and his golden hair brushes against my cheek – and then there's a soft thud as his head hits the floor.

I stare – thinking how Yamato is graceful even when fainting – fuck!

"Yamato! Hey, Yamato? Yamato!"

There's no reply. I sit up, my hands on his shoulders and pushing him away from me with little effort- he's really light. "Yamato! Hey!" I shout at him with wide eyes, shaking him, "This isn't a joke, is it? It's not funny!"

Yamato's head lolls to the side as I shake him and dread strikes my heart as the realization that he's really unconscious hits me.

Oh god…what do I…no, calm down Yagami!

There's panic in the sports hall, judging from the screams and cries and shouts as my hands fall from Yamato's shoulders, and his body falls onto mine.

"What happened to Yamato-kun?!"

"Yamato-kun fainted?!"

"Is he alright?!"

"Did he overexert himself?!"

"Oh my god, Yamato-kun!"

"But, did you see how Taichi-kun rushed to save him?"

"Now's not the time for this, Suzuki-chan! We should do something!"

"B-But our teacher is absent! And Taichi-kun looks like he won't let anyone near Yamato-kun! I don't think he'd appreciate our help!"

"…True. But we can't just do nothing!"

"H-Hey," I start as a guy says, "Is Ishida alright?"

I turn my head, to see the guy that Yamato had brushed past, "What do you think?" I say lowly, "It's your fault for forcing him to play! Why couldn't you have just left him alone?!" I bellow. My fist clenches, and I'm tempted to punch him and I would have, if I didn't dare to let go of Yamato's warm body.

Warm…damn!

"I…I didn't know he was sick!" The guy defends as I raise my hand to Yamato's forehead, my eyes widening, "I thought he was being stuck up 'cause he's a rockstar and didn't want to play with us normal guys-" he flinches when I turn my glare on him, "I-I'm sorry!"

"Tell that to him when he wakes up." I spit at him. "Now go away, if I see your face any longer I might just be tempted to rip you a new one," I growl as he backs away, "Do you get it?!"

"Y-Yes!"

I sigh, trying to control my anger as the guy flees. I know it's not entirely his fault that he was being a jerk at the worst moment (hell, just look at me), but I need someone to take out my anger on and I can't do it on myself.

"Taichi!"

"Taichi-kun!"

I look up, to see Akira, Shunsuke and Saitou- and Aoi, "What happened?!" Akira demands as if he expects me to know the answer. "Ishida-"

"He has a fever." I cut him off, turning to look at Yamato's pale face, "Bastard forced him to play while he's sick…even though he didn't know."

"What should we do?" Shunsuke asks in worry.

"Our teacher isn't here," Saitou speaks promptly, "We should take him to the sick bay."

"How high is the fever?" Aoi asks in concern.

"I don't know, but he feels pretty warm…"

I bite my lip, gather Yamato close to me and hold him in my arms as I stand up, my mind working fast, "Aoi, I need you to do me a favor. Do you know who's Takenouchi Sora?"

"Takenouchi Sora? Of the tennis club?" Aoi nods quickly, "I know her."

"Good. Go to the," I wrack my brain, today is Wednesday so Sora…"Canteen, you should find her there. Tell her about the situation and bring her to the sick bay."

"Alright." Aoi says. She turns, and sprints out of the sports hall.

"You're taking him to the sick bay?" Shunsuke clarifies. "Should we go with you?"

I shake my head, "We shouldn't have too many people there, he needs to rest," I look down at Yamato, who's so light in my arms, and grit my teeth, "Thanks, but no thanks."

Shunsuke nods in understanding, and Saitou says, "Right, you better hurry," he tells me seriously. He smiles. "Don't worry about lessons. We'll tell the teachers what happened."

"We'll take your bag too," Shunsuke assures, "And I think Mura's in Ishida's class, so we can tell him to help him."

I nod, smiling, "Thanks guys." I then turn, and walk the swiftest I can, not wanting to jolt Yamato from his rest with my crazy running.

"Hey, Taichi!" Akira shouts over, "About the soccer game-"

"Screw the soccer game!" I yell over my shoulder, glowering. How can he think of soccer at a time like this?! "Yamato's much more important!"

"…I was just going to say we're postponing it." Akira voices.

I stare, then sigh. "Whatever!"

Control Yagami, control. Don't get yourself out of sorts again, they don't understand your feelings, they don't think of Yamato like you do.

…Screw walking! It's gonna take forever at this rate! He should be fine.

"Hey hey Taichi-kun is carrying Yamato-kun in his arms and he's running and he looks really worried! Do you think-"

I scowl. I can't believe-

"Suzuki! For the last time, stop it! Now's _not_ the time for this! Yamato-kun is _really _sick! He fainted! And all you can think about is if they're together and if Taichi-kun is the seme?! They're friends first, aren't they?!"

"…You're right. Sorry, Hitomi-chan! I didn't mean to…it was just a habit…I hope Yamato-kun will be okay..."

"Yeah…"

…Thanks, Hitomi-chan.

I bite my lip, then turn my gaze down to Yamato's pale face as I sprint along the hallway.

Please be alright…Yamato!

* * *

Human beings are not like numbers. They change. Numbers only change when they're associated with other numbers in addition, subtraction, division or multiplication.

Almost like evolution.

I sigh, as I stare at Yamato's prone form in the bed.

What the hell am I thinking?

But just dashing forward is sometimes a good thing too.

The good news is, Yamato's fever turned out to not be so high after all, somewhere in the high digits of the 37 range – flickering to 38 - but the bad news is, he's still unconscious and his face is paler than usual and the school nurse says he probably hasn't been eating properly for some time.

And it makes me feel like a downright moron for not noticing – for thinking he's going to be just fine after our last encounter. It's not like he needs me there with him 24/7, but I didn't even talk to him after we defeated Diablomon, and _fuck_, that was _months _ago, wasn't it?! I know he has Sora- but, I didn't leave him in a good state and Yagami you fucking idiot, it would have helped a damn lot if you'd patched things up _properly_ with him!

And what makes me feel ashamed of myself is that not only did I not notice his well being, I still had a wet dream about him. It's not as if I can control it- but I _did_ have it and it made me late for school but it _was_ pleasurable but while Yamato is not feeling well and overexerting himself, not only do I not notice, all I can think of is integrating with him and making him mine!

Fuck. I'm such a complete bastard.

I groan and slap a hand to my forehead. What the hell have you been doing, Yagami? Even if he isn't your best friend- _even_ if you're not worthy enough to be his best friend; how can you just leave him _alone_? Wasn't that _what _he shouted at you for? Aren't you supposed to be his _friend_? Since when do friends avoid each other for months?! No wonder he has Sora and not you! You're really useless!

Yeah Hitomi-chan is right- Yamato and I are friends first, aren't we?! Just what the hell have I been doing? Avoiding the problem, that's what!

…I really am a coward, aren't I?

I mean, Ishida Yamato fainting? Ridiculous. Well now it has happened and it's 'cause of me (as usual). Yamato's nowhere near weak, he survived the Digital World and going hungry and lacking sleep – but now we're back in the real world and we're in our last year of middle school and there's exams and there's his band and there're enemies in the form of stress and homework and tests and exams and maybe PE lessons for him – and considering our last encounter, and his emotional state and his past – even someone cool and calm and collected like him; I should have known it would have taken its toll on him! All the crap I've dealt him – all the stupid words – and then all the time I left him _alone _– days, weeks, _months, half a fucking year_. Oh god, I really hate myself right now! And the worst thing is, he_ did_ tell me I was leaving him alone! And what did I do? Yell at him that I wasn't and hold him in my arms and try my best to comfort him _but_ leave him in the end – just like he'd feared.

And what do I say when I finally see him and he sees me and whispers my name? _"Hey, long time no see."_ Yeah. _Real_ smart, Yagami. Real smooth. You're a genius, really. Yeah I should just bang my head against this wall here, hopefully that'll shake my brain cells back into place and give me some, you know, logic and knowledge about other people's feelings and emotions.

…OW! Alright I won't bang my head against the wall in case I get a concussion – then when Sora comes she'll have to look after both of us. Or when Yamato wakes up he'll have to look after me when he's the one sick. Wouldn't that be an irony.

I moan and clutch my throbbing head. Great, now my head hurts. Ugh. _Why_ am I such an _idiot_?

I remove my hands, then glare at them, "Yagami Taichi, you really are a big idiot!" I yell.

"Glad you know, Yagami Taichi."

I start, then whirl, "Yamato!"

Yamato looks at me from where he lays on the bed. I move away from the wall and to his side, placing my hand on his forehead, "Are you alright? You have a fever but it's not too high-"

He slaps my hand away and I still, "Y-Yamato?"

"Six months," he says with cold blue eyes, "Six months. And you think you can just waltz into my life again and pretend you never left me?" He inhales, then gives me a piercing stare as if he can see into my soul, "Who the hell do you think you are, Yagami?"

Waltz? I can't dance to save my life- what the hell am I thinking! It's just a figure of speech!

…But yeah, Yamato's right. What am I doing? Who the hell am I to make sure he's alright when all this time, I haven't been noticing whether he's alright or not? All this time, I've only thought of myself. All this time, I thought he would be better off without me- but in fact, I was just scared, I didn't want to know what our relationship would become now that he knows I have feelings for him. He may not know I love him, but I'm sure he knows that at least.

"I…" I clench my fist, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't solve it-"

"But Yamato, I was thinking of you!" I burst out, and he looks at me in surprise. I bite my lip, "These six months, I've been thinking of you all the time." I'm always thinking of you, Yamato. Just like when I was sucked back into the real world, and though I didn't want to go back to the Digital World, I felt inexplicably lonely, like there was a hole inside my heart. There's no difference between then and now. "I didn't mean to leave you for so long – I just thought, you would be better off without me-"

"Do I _seem _better off?"

Those blue eyes are cold, so cold, just like back when I first knew him in the Digital World. But this time, it's different. This time there's not only coldness, but hurt. Betrayal. Pain.

I hurt him.

I hurt Yamato.

Again.

"…No." I say, but lock his icy gaze with mine and plow on forward, "But…since that day….all I've done is hurt you! I know I'm an idiot and I say stupid things and I make you cry and I'm the only one who makes you cry but you have Sora and I just thought…you didn't want me as your best friend anymore."

"That's all you can say?!" Yamato yells and I wince, "What? Have you been my best friend for a year? Two years?!" He grits his teeth, "How long has it been since the Digital World? We're fifteen this year, aren't we? We were eleven then. Four years, Taichi," he says lowly. "You've been my best friend for _four_ _years_. And you think one day you can just leave me like that…even when I told you _I didn't want you_ _to leave_?!" He breathes. "Sora? I've known _you_ longer and better than I've known Sora!"

He couldn't have said it any other way to pain my heart, because he's just putting my thoughts into words – my self deprecating thoughts. I bite my lip until I taste blood. "I'm sorry." I say softly. "I really am sorry, Yamato. I know I did something really stupid, and I-" I clench my teeth, and lower my head, "I'm sorry."

He looks at me and I raise my gaze, as the door bangs open, "Yamato! Taichi!"

"Sora," I say. I inhale, then stand straight up and turn, plastering a smile onto my face. "Sora. Good timing. Glad you could make it."

"Taichi-" Sora starts as I move past her, and grabs my arm, "Taichi? Where are you going?!"

I turn to look at her, at her confused and worried orange eyes. There's sweat sliding down her face, and her voice is slightly breathless and I figure she must have run here.

"Yamato's sick," I say to her. "He has a fever, and since I've…" I inhale, "Left him for so long, I really don't think he wants to see me right now. So, I'm leaving, before I cause any more trouble."

"What are you saying?!" Sora shouts at me and I blink. She glares at me, "Are you even _listening_ to yourself, Taichi?! You've left him and now you're leaving him again?!"

"…It's best if I leave," I say honestly as I meet her disbelieving orange eyes. I smile. "Really. I don't think he wants to deal with my presence right now. And, he has you now." I nod, then take my arm away from her grip, "Take care of him for me, Sora. Sorry."

Sorry, Sora. I know we're best friends again and you want your best friend and your boyfriend to be best friends again. But I can't do that now.

And then I turn and step out of the room, before I can change my mind.

* * *

I'm walking down the hallway, immersed deep in thoughts with my hands deep in my pockets.

Now that Yamato isn't in any real danger and now that Sora has arrived to take care of him, I guess I should get back to class.

"Taichi!"

The voice is faraway and distant but it makes me blink. Ya…mato?

"TAICHI!"

I turn, my eyes widening in surprise. "Yamato."

He's running towards me and without thinking, I run towards him until I reach him, and resist the urge to place my hands on his shoulders, "What are you doing?! Why are you out here?! You should be resting-"

And then I'm not speaking anymore 'cause my words are cut off as my head is whipped to the side. I stare, then slowly reach up to place my hand on my stinging cheek as I turn my gaze to meet his furious blue eyes.

Yamato…slapped me? What did I say wrong now?

"YOU IDIOT!" I stare, "Weren't you listening to what I was saying at all?!"

"I...was…" I say slowly, my senses still trying to get over the fact that Ishida Yamato slapped me. He didn't punch me, but he slapped me. Somehow…that hurts even more. It's more…emotionally painful. Yamato's punched me many times, but he's never slapped me before.

But I guess he's in no state to punch me now.

"Why…?" I say slowly, trying to piece my words carefully together, "Sora's there with you-"

_"When _will you get it through your thick head?!" Yamato screams at me, panting and his blue eyes flashing at me as I stare, "I don't need Sora, I need _you_!"

Silence, as he stares at me, and I stare at him, and kick my libido into the depths of my fucked up mind for even thinking of reminding me of that fucking dream when Yamato just told me something important-I think.

He…needs me? Yamato needs me?

He still needs me?

He doesn't need Sora, he needs me?

Why would Yamato need me?

"…Six months. I haven't seen you for six fucking months." I look at him, and he inhales.

"I'm sorry I shouted at you." Yamato says lowly. He blinks, twice. "Just…please, don't leave me again. Not when I finally…see you."

"And…" he shakes his head, "Nevermind…I'll let Sora tell you." He murmurs.

"I'm sorry, Taichi," he blinks again, looking away, "I'm sorry if I haven't been clear. But I do need you. I do need you back by my side," he bites his lip, "I don't care what you think – I know you're always caring about others and putting others' before yourself so I'm telling you now," he raises his beautiful blue gaze to meet mine, "No matter what happens between us, I'll always want you by my side."

"Yamato…" I murmur.

"So…don't leave me," he whispers, placing a hand on my stinging cheek. His touch is soothing, and as he brushes his thumb gently against my cheek, I forget about the pain as I stare into his deep, truthful blue eyes, "Be my best friend again. Be by my side again."

"Come back to me…Taichi." He inhales, his gaze never leaving mine.

"Please."

"…Alright." I exhale. "Alright, if that's what you want."

He looks at me with narrowed blue eyes. "Is that what you want?"

I blink, but then smile at him, placing my hand over his hand on my cheek. "Yeah." I say. "It's what I've wanted all along."

Yamato blinks, and then smiles his beautiful smile at me and my heart skips a beat in the way it hasn't for so damn long and the next thing I know he's drawing his hand away and reaching out to hug me and I blink in surprise. "Y-Yamato?" I stutter.

"I've really missed you," he says softly by my ear, "Life just isn't the same without you, Taichi." I turn my gaze to him, and he closes his eyes, "Thank you for coming back to me."

"Yamato…"

Thank _you_ for coming back to _me_, Yamato. Thank you for still wanting me by your side.

"Thank you for wanting me back," I murmur as I hold him close, smiling, tears of gladness in my eyes. "Even when I've been such a huge idiot. Thank _you_ for coming back to _me_, Yamato," I can finally say what I've wanted to say, and I sigh as I close my eyes, holding the one I haven't seen for so long, holding the one I love close to my beating heart. "I didn't believe you would want to."

You have no idea how much that means to me, Yamato. Because you have no idea of my love for you.

But that's alright. As long as I can stay by your side, like this. Even if it's just as your best friend.

"But you've always believed in me," Yamato pulls away a little and meets my eyes. He smiles wryly at my surprised expression, "Remember? Even in the Digital World, when I left the group, you believed I would come back," he smiles softly at me and my heart pounds in my chest, "When I came back and you and Wargreymon were injured by Piemon, you didn't shout at me for leaving you, for leaving the group. You just said…"

"You're finally here. I really waited all this time for you to come." I smile as I recall the words I said to Yamato in the Digital World, four years ago. "I absolutely believed you would come. I absolutely believed you would."

"Thank you for believing in me," Yamato whispers as he meets my eyes with that beautiful smile, almost like we're in the Digital world years ago- "I'm sorry I'm so late. I was-"

"Angry, I know," I say gently to him. He blinks and I smile wryly, "And you had a right to be. But Yamato, no matter when, I'll always believe in you."

"Taichi…"

I laugh. I don't' know why, but I do. I laugh, and he stares at me. "Eh?"

"Sorry," I grin apologetically at him, "It's just, I realized, even after being apart for so long, nothing's changed! Our relationship's still the same, just like we've always been." I laugh again, grinning wider as he blinks at me, "Sorry Yamato, I don't really know what I'm saying, but that's what I feel!"

Yamato blinks, then grins at me, "Yeah," he says, his arms around me, "Yeah, Taichi!"

"We've always been together. Nothing's separated us. Even when I left back then…I came back," he breathes, "Because I wanted to be back by your side. And I still do. That's right. I'll…" he looks at me with sincere blue eyes, but his voice is fierce, "Never let anything separate us again. No matter what happens." His arms tighten around me. "I won't leave you again. Or if I do, I'll come back. I'll…always come back."

I smile, and he blinks as I inadvertently brush his hair away from his eyes. "I know." I say. "It's my fault for leaving first anyway. Sorry. Don't blame yourself, Yamato."

"I should be saying that to you." He says wryly and I grin. He smiles at me and I try to not let my heart skip a beat – but it does anyway. As usual.

But I have him. It's reality and not fantasy, not the Digital World, but I still have him. He still…came back to me. When I was the one who left him. Yamato still came back.

I'm…glad. Even if I don't deserve it, deserve him.

"T-Taichi?!" I blink as Yamato reaches his hand up to my face, his blue eyes wide, "What!? Why are you crying?!"

…I'm crying?

"Ah…" I reach a hand up to my face as he takes his hand away. I smile at him, wiping away a tear from my eye. "It's nothing. These are happy tears!"

"Happy tears, huh?"

"Yeah happy tears," I return Yamato's grin, "Sounds familiar?"

"Indeed." Yamato says, mirth in his voice and I grin. "It's the first time I've seen Yagami Taichi cry happy tears."

"Yeah, we're even then!"

Yamato doubles over and laughs his musical laugh which I haven't heard for too damn long. Then he smiles, and leans up to kiss me.

…Eh?!

It's over far too soon, and I stare stupidly at him when he withdraws. He stares back, then flushes.

"Y-Ya-" Did he just…k-kiss-

He coughs, "Sorry," he says, not quite meeting my gaze, "I don't know why I did that. It was just a spur of the moment thing-" he blushes, and speaks quickly, "A-Anyway it's not as if it's the first time we've kissed- and it's not like we're boyfriends or anything we're just best friends so-" his face turns even more red, "Y-Yeah…"

I blink, then find myself grinning. I don't know why Yamato kissed me I mean it's not like he loves me, but it's a nice opportunity to tease the cool Ishida Yamato with his perfect, immaculate golden hair and blue eyes that can take your breath away and who the girls are all crazy over and blush when he's near- and now _he's_ the one blushing. Nice to know I'm _not_ the one flustered for _once_!

"Re-ally?" I smile at him as I lean in close, and drop my voice into a husky whisper, "Yamato?"

His blue eyes widen and his cheeks are red and I grin. Revenge is sweet! Ha! That'll teach you a lesson for all the times you teased me (whether intentionally or not), Yamato! How does it _feel_ to be on the receiving end, huuuuuh?

"T-Taichi…" he says breathlessly. I smile at him (Ha! I made Ishida Yamato breathless! You got that? Ishida Yamato! Score for Yagami!) and he clears his throat, "Of course! What are you saying, you idiot?" He mutters, looking away and blushing.

…KAWAII!

He's too _ADORABLE_! So cute!

But I gotta keep my, cool guy act and- what was that? 'Seme voice' (Is this it? Doesn't sound that different). No it wouldn't do to grin like the idiot I am and exclaim he's adorable like one of his fangirls (he'd kill me or injure me and then drag me to the sickbay and then Sora _really _will have to look after us both) –no no no, play it cool, Yagami!

"Yamato," I grip his chin and try hard not to grin at him as he stares at me. Smile, Yagami, smile! No grinning like an idiot! "No need to be embarrassed. I understand it's your way of showing your affection," I say, well, understandingly as I near him, smiling and meeting his surprised eyes. "So don't blush. It won't be good if your fever goes up."

Charming, sexy smile, check! Smooth words, check! 'Seme voice' check! Touching his (smooth) face gently, check! Ha! What's your move now, Yamato?!

"Y-You're too close!" He exclaims, and pushes my hand away, glaring, "And stop acting! It was just- a kiss!"

Oh no Yamato, it _wasn't _just a kiss! This is for _all_ the times you teased and taunted and made _me_ flustered and embarrassed and just recently, late for school (even if it's not directly your fault) which lead to even _more_ embarrassment! I don't know why but you just gave me the perfect opportunity to _finally _get my revenge!

"Aw, don't be shy, Yamato." I can't help but grin a little as I reach my hands forward to his shirt and he stares at me incredulously. I smile (charmingly) at him. "Here. You must be hot. Let me unbutton a few buttons so you can cool down."

And I slowly but surely unbutton his shirt, conveniently brushing aside the fact that it's raining outside. The collar button first (_why_ does he button the collar?! I mean it's not _enough_ to button his blazer, he must button _every_ button on his shirt too?! No wonder his body is so warm!), then the next button after the collar button. I grin as I see he's frozen and blushing (nice combination, isn't it?) when I undo the third button to reveal his slender neck, and the move to the fourth-which will reveal his chest-he's blushing and staring and opening his mouth and YES! This match is _mine_-

"TAICHI?!"

…Eh?

GEH! SORA?!

I spring away from Yamato and wave my hands frantically, looking at Sora who's just arrived at the scene and looking at us with wide eyes. "S-Sora! This _isn't _what it looks like! I was just helping him to cool down!" I blabber. "I mean, it's not like I was molesting him! I wasn't touching anything!"

Sora stares. "Ah." She says.

Yamato looks at me, then smirks, as if saying, _"Heh. Who's the winner in the end, Yagami?"_

…DAMN! I was so close!

I stare at Yamato, and he blinks at me, and then I swear, schools his expression into an innocent look (_how _does he do that?!). His face is still red and he looks away, blushing, "-S-Sora," he says in this surprised but _bashful_ tone, as he clutches his hand to his unbuttoned, rumpled (from _running!_) white shirt, "I-I'm sorry, but Taichi was-"

"I didn't DO ANYTHING!" I yell, glaring at Yamato who blinks, then smirks at me. I turn to Sora, "Sora! He's lying! Believe me!" I say desperately.

Sora looks at Yamato, and cracks an amused, wry smile. I blink as he winks at her, then she turns back to me and places a hand on her hip, frowning, "Oh? Why would Yamato lie, Taichi?"

"Yeah Taichi," Yamato says smoothly, "Why would I lie?" He removes his hand from his shirt, exposing his neck and the upper part of his chest, "After all, the proof is right here."

I gape as Yamato smiles, then moves towards me like a dancer and curls his arms around my neck, leaning close to me and breathing by my ear, "Got you, Yagami," he breathes and my heart races in my chest, "Thought you could beat me, huh?"

Now I'm the one staring and he leans back and smiles that angelic smile at me and I gulp. Hey hey is it _alright_ to do this in front of Sora?!

But Yamato just continues smiling like an angel with golden hair and in an unbuttoned (Gah! _What_ was I thinking?!) white shirt as he purrs, smooth hand trailing up to my red face, "Taichi…" he smirks, "You're blushing. It wouldn't do for both of us to be incapacitated, you know."

"Why are you so embarrassed?" Yamato echoes my words and I manage a glare at him as he tilts his head and gives me _the_ _Ishida Yamato rockstar_ _smile_, and oh god I think I'm melting as he cups my cheek, "We did this just now, didn't we?" He says softly, still smiling _that smile_ and I think my legs are trembling as he moves even _closer_, "And we did do _this and that,_ if you _remember..._"

"Would you," he's still purring and my legs are definitely shaking now and I'm trying to stop the blood from rushing down to my groin and he's still _smiling_ and _Kami-sama_ my brain is going haywire, and I'm blushing and oh no not _again_! "Like another kiss, Taichi?" _G-Gah?!_ "Or perhaps," his lips touch my ear, as his knee brushes against my groin, "Something _else?_"

"Y-Yamato…hya!" I give a not very manly squeak – but try speaking when Ishida Yamato is practically seducing you!

"Since you were so convinced that I don't need you," I stare but Yamato has moved back a bit and is smiling at me, his blue eyes glinting, "Why don't I convince you," he licks his lips (shit!), "That I want you and," his forehead is almost touching mine as I stare into his deep, beautiful blue eyes. "_Need_ you?"

And then he's smirking and drawing away and laughing and the blood is rushing up to my face and down to my groin and I'm falling down 'cause my legs can't support me any longer – Ow!

_"Please Taichi, I need you."_

I bang my fists on my head (Ow ow ow!)and curl up as much as I can, "No! Not here, not now!" I exclaim in panic as I shake my head furiously, "Shut up, you! Stop reminding me!" I can't get aroused here, not in front of Yamato and Sora! What would they think?!

Think innocent thoughts! Think unsexy- non Yamato related thoughts! Yeah! Agumon! I wonder how is he! And Hikari too! And studies, and Sora- I wonder if Yamato does this to her like he does to me and what's- GAH! No! No Yamato! Koushiro! Jyou! Daisuke! Mimi! Ken! Anyone but sexy (No don't go there!) Yamato!

"…Taichi?" Sora voices, "Are you okay?"

"I think I cracked him." Yamato says in amusement. "I must have pushed him too far."

I whimper as I look at him- the look in his eyes for even daring to challenge him is fucking scary and especially since his shirt is rumpled and unbuttoned, revealing his pale skin (like a vampire!) as he advances towards me and I back away, "Sora!"

"Yes Taichi…?"

I get up and flee (no I won't deny it 'cause Yamato's scary right now!) to behind Sora, clutching onto her shoulders and saying desperately, "Save me, Sora!" I whine, "Your boyfriend's _evil!"_ I shiver, "You're the only one on my side right now!" Because Yamato and my libido are definitely not!

"T-Taichi…" Sora says in surprise.

"Please, Sora!"

I'm cowering behind her when she sighs and crosses her arms, "Yamato, that's enough!" She says sternly, "Stop scaring Taichi!"

Yeah! You heard your girlfriend, Yamato? Stop scaring me! And stop torturing me too!

Yamato blinks, then pouts. "But Sora…" he says innocently, "Whose side are you on?"

I see Sora falter, and can't help but feel a spark of smugness. Good to know I'm _not _the only one affected by his mind fucking skills!

_"That's right, fuck-"_

NO NO! _NO _FUCKING!

"And it's not as if I did anything," Yamato continues in that (god damn) innocent (stop pretending, Yamato!) tone. He blinks. "I only told him the truth. I only told him I needed him," gah! _Damn you Yamato stop_ _using that fucking (NO!) word!_ "How could you accuse me, Sora?"

"Y…Yamato…" Sora stutters, flushing.

Yamato smiles. "Sora." He says, moving forward. He smiles that predatory smile again, and licks his lips. "Move aside and give me Taichi."

NO SORA! DON'T! HE LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO _EAT_ ME! Stop looking at me like that, Yamato! I'm _not_ food!

My hands must be shaking on her shoulders 'cause Sora turns red but says, "N-No!" She says determinedly. She sighs, "I know he left you but you can't do this to him, Yamato! Now, stop this and make up!"

"But we've already made up," Yamato protests. He smirks, "Now we want to make out."

"And I think," he blinks, and then looks at me with that angelic (HOW does he go from being devilish to looking like an angel?!) smile, "Taichi wants to make out with me too."

"Y-Yamato!" Sora says indignantly as I whimper and bury my flaming face in Sora's shoulder 'cause well, it's true! But Yamato doesn't need to know that!

There's a sigh. "You're no fun, Sora." Yamato says, "Why can't I tease him a little?"

A _LITTLE_?!

"Um…what's going on here?" A feminine voice says hesitantly. "Taichi-kun…are you alright?"

I snap my head up. Aoi!

"Aoi!" I run to her and hide behind her back instead, "Save me! Yamato's being evil!"

"Ishida-kun's being evil?" Aoi says in surprise.

"Yeah!" I whine.

"Ah Suzumura-kun," Yamato says smoothly, staring at Aoi with his deep blue eyes. "Why are you here?"

"Our class is on break now, so I thought I'd check up on you and Taichi-kun," Aoi replies with a smile, looking at Yamato with her light blue eyes. She nods. "Mura-kun already informed our teacher about your absence. He has your bag."

"Ah."

I watch as Aoi turns to me. "Taichi-kun, are you okay?" She says in concern.

Oh Aoi-chan! I have a new respect for you!

"Aoi-chan!" I reach out and hug her in relief, "Thanks for saving me!"

"Eh? Y-You're welcome…" she says, surprised. "What did I do?"

I withdraw from her and give her a grin, "A lot!" I say, "Thanks for your help!"

"Ah. No problem…"

What did you do? You saved me from the evil but sexy Yamato of course!

…Eh?

Sexy. Sexy Yamato. Evil sexy Yamato.

…Yes! I'm cured! Well, for now. No more embarrassment and impending humiliation! No more danger or sudden arousal! No more hiding from evil, sexy Yamato!

I grin widely and stand up straight and proud, "Ha!" I point a triumphant finger at Yamato, "This match is mine! You have no more moves!"

He blinks, then smiles. "I see." He says. He shrugs, "Fine. You win this one."

"But, hiding behind girls," I stare as he flips his golden hair, then gives me a smirk, "Didn't know you were so pathetic, Yagami."

I gape, "What did you say?!"

Yamato smiles. "You heard me."

And he turns and walks away. I dash forward until I'm in front of him then tackle him to the floor and he yelps- and I reach out my hand to cushion his head (hey, he is sick). I twitch, but stare down at him with a grin and jab my finger at his chest. "Oh? Who's hiding now, huuuuh?"

To my surprise, Yamato blushes and averts his gaze, "T-Taichi…" he says softly, as he places his hand over his unbuttoned shirt, fingers clutching to bring the parted sides together, "You shouldn't be so forward. Not here…people are watching."

"G-Guh…?" I gurgle.

Yamato looks at me with flushed cheeks and I realize the intimate position we're in – our legs tangled, our faces close, and his shirt is still unbuttoned, revealing his pale skin (I _swear _he just unbuttoned another button!), and I get a view of his chest and a glimpse of his nipple, and his golden hair is messy, his eyes so blue- and he looks-_sexy…_

GAHHHHHH!

DOWN YAGAMI! _DOWN!_

I scramble off him so fast I almost fall back onto him but I manage to get to my feet, and I hold my hands out, "I wasn't-! I wasn't planning-!" I splutter.

Yamato gets up gracefully from the floor. He moves towards me and then grins, and I blink as he laughs, then punches me on the shoulder, "Taichi," he says in amusement, all the shyness and innocence gone from his blue eyes and leaving deviousness, as his hand slides leisurely through his hair. "You're so easy to tease. It's fun playing with you."

I stare as he reaches up and ruffles my spiky hair, "Looks like I'm still the winner, huh?" He smirks, withdrawing his hand. "Better luck next time, Yagami."

And he whirls and strolls away, his hand coming up to button his shirt. I stare, then chase after him, and clap a hand on his shoulder, "Yamato!"

"Yeah?"

I sigh, "You're evil, you know?" I mutter. "You really know how to manipulate me."

Yamato smiles and shrugs, "You should know I never back down from a challenge." He says smoothly as he threads a button through a hole with the slender fingers of one hand and I watch in awe ('cause I can never do that, I always have to use both hands!).

I sigh again but smile. "Yeah yeah," I rest my hands behind my head. "Anyway, are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Yamato says. He moves his gaze to mine, as I move mine to his, "Thanks, Taichi."

"No problem!" I grin. I turn and reach out a hand to his forehead, "You're still warm though. You should rest, alright?"

Yamato blinks. "Yeah…" he says, his cheeks flushed. I blink.

There's this moment in which I stare at him and he stares at me, then I take my hand away, and say, "A-Anyway, do you want me to accompany you or-"

"It's fine," Yamato says, shaking his head. He smiles and looks at me. "It's alright. We'll be seeing each other every day again now, right?"

I blink, and smile widely at him, "Yeah!"

Yamato nods, "Anyway, you should accompany your girlfriend."

"…Girlfriend?"

"Yeah," Yamato looks at me. "Suzumura Aoi."

"…She's my girlfriend?"

"…She's not?"

"No?" I stare at him in confusion, scratching the back of my head, "When did I say Aoi-chan was my girlfriend?"

"But I thought…" Yamato murmurs, "The other day…"

I blink. "Oh that. Aoi's not my girlfriend," I say truthfully, "Yeah she likes me but she's not my girlfriend. I mean, she confessed to me but I, well, rejected her."

Yamato turns and meets my eyes, "And why did you reject her?"

Because I love you.

"Because…" I stare into deep blue eyes, "I-li-I mean, she's not the one." I look away, "Aoi-chan's a nice and understanding girl and I like her, but I don't like her that way."

Because I already love you, Yamato.

"Ah…" Yamato murmurs. "So she's not your girlfriend?"

"No."

"You don't have a girlfriend?"

"Nope."

"I see," Yamato says, and I look at him as he smiles, murmuring. "I'm glad."

"…Eh?"

"Nothing," Yamato shakes his head and looks to the side and I can't see his expression – "Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow, Taichi." He says smoothly.

"A-Ah…"

He smiles at me and my heart skips as he quickens his pace a little. I watch him, then I turn, and shout, "Sora!"

Sora starts in surprise. She runs forward, "What, Taichi?"

"Sorry," I grin sheepishly at her, "For just now. But Yamato's going back to rest and you should be there with him."

"Taichi-"

"Then, I'll be going back to class now, so I'll see you later, Sora!" I smile at her, "Thanks, Sora! I'll trust you to take care of Yamato!"

I turn and run back to where Aoi is. "Hey. Sorry 'bout that. Yamato and I just reconciled, so…"

"I'm glad for you." Aoi says in her soft alto. She smiles at me, "Is everything alright, Taichi-kun?"

"Yeah! Everything's great!"

"Alright, if you say so."

I smile as Aoi and I walk along the hallway, "Hey, Aoi? I think I realized something."

"What is it, Taichi-kun?"

"Well, do you mind if I tell you one of my mathematical analogies?"

"I don't mind at all," Aoi says, looking up at me with light blue eyes and a smile, "I found your analogy interesting, Taichi-kun."

"Ah," I smile and scratch my neck. I look up, "Well, all this time I've been differentiating myself from Yamato, but I realized today that wasn't the right way."

"What I should have done was-" I pause, then think back to the lesson this morning. "Integrate. But with limits. Not too far, but not too near."

"Cause, you know, it's like the area under a curve," I make a gesture through the air, "Say the area under the curve is labeled, 'Yagami Taichi's closeness to Ishida Yamato'. I can't exactly take the entire area, can I? I don't have the right. But I can't take none of it either. If I differentiate Y I'll just get the gradient!" I make an upward gesture, "I'll just get the slope of the curve- " I laugh, "Well, I hope that made sense! It just came to me!"

"I think I get it, Taichi-kun," Aoi smiles. She looks at me, "You're searching for the limits to how close you can get to Ishida Yamato. You don't want to differentiate from him because…" she pauses, "You don't want to be so far from him that you can only see a slope of him- a glance of his overall state of being or emotions."

I blink, then grin, "Well yeah, something like that!" I laugh, then smile, "Yeah, I don't want to be too far away from him until all I can see is what the people who don't see him see," I murmur, "Or not see him at all."

"But," I look at her with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Aoi. I must be really inconsiderate. I mean, you told me your feelings and I'm…"

"It's okay, Taichi-kun. I'm just happy to be your friend." Aoi smiles reassuringly at me. She nods, "Seeing you with Ishida Yamato- it made me smile. The way you two interact, the way you held out your hand to cushion his fall, when you talked to him-" she shakes her head. "The lightness and the emotion between you and him, there's no way I can compete with that!" She grins. "I'm in the same class as Ishida-kun and I don't know him well, but I've never seen him smile like that before. He's cold. I've never seen him look so happy." She smiles at me, "He looked really happy with you, Taichi-kun."

"And I'm happy with him," I confess, smiling. I sigh. "I know- that he doesn't know, but I suppose that's okay. Nothing has changed between us, we're still the same. We're still best friends. And being able to be with him, again, is enough for me."

"Are you sure about that, Taichi-kun?"

"Yeah."

Aoi giggles, and I blink at her, "Aoi-chan?"

She grins at me and I blink again, "Taichi-kun, forgive me for saying this, but you are quite dense," she holds up a hand, "Not in a bad way though! It's just- well, I'll let you find out for yourself!"

"O…kay," I say slowly. "But why am I dense?"

But Aoi shakes her head, "Sorry Taichi-kun, but I'm not the one to tell you." She smiles apologetically. "You'll have to wait for someone else. It's something you have to find out for yourself."

"Alright…"

Aoi smiles and pats my shoulder. "It'll be alright." She reassures. "I'm sure you two will be fine."

"Yeah," I smile at her, "Thanks, Aoi. You're a great friend."

She beams at me and I say, "So, wanna spend break together?"

"Eh? But you have to go back to class-"

"Ah, never mind 'bout that," I wave away. She blinks and I smile. "Hey. Relax, Aoi-chan. It's your break now, right? And you came to find us. Spending the rest of your break with you wouldn't hurt!"

Aoi blinks, then flushes, "I'll be glad to have your company, Taichi-kun."

I chuckle, "You're too polite, Aoi-chan," I say leisurely. "But I'll take that as a yes."

"So c'mon, let's head to the canteen!" I stretch my arms out with a yawn, "I'm starving after all that running! And I'm sure you are too."

"I played Volleyball during mass PE," Aoi grins a little, "I'd love to eat right now."

I return her grin, "That's more like it!"

She smiles back at me, and as we make our way to the canteen together, I tune back into my thoughts.

Yeah people aren't like numbers. They change on their own. But everything changes. That's what makes it interesting, isn't it?

But numbers are fixed. The x-coordinates are fixed. 'Idiot Taichi in unrequited love' is fixed. The limits can change with the x-coordinates though. If the value of **_x_**, has a bigger range, 'Idiot Taichi in unrequited love' will want to be closer to Ishida Yamato. So he has to control himself. He can't be too close, but he can't be too far away either, differentiating himself until all he can see is a glimpse of Ishida Yamato, like the gradient out of the entire curve.

Wonder what Minamoto-sensei would say if I ever told him my mathematical analogies. He'd probably lecture me on how Maths is Maths and shouldn't be used in such a way and that I'm ruining the past and future of Maths- Che!

But you know, it's like the points on a curve. The curve is y – Yamato. I'm x. A point on a curve has both x and y coordinates. So every point on the curve will be 'Idiot Taichi in unrequited love and Yamato'. No matter where the point moves, it'll still be the same. 'Idiot Taichi in unrequited love and Yamato' will be together, regardless of the value.

But if I choose to differentiate, like I did, it won't be 'Idiot Taichi in unrequited love and Yamato'. It won't even be Yamato. It'll be the gradient of y, the gradient of Yamato. The curve isn't one fixed shape. It doesn't have a fixed slope. But for the sake of simplifying things, people differentiate y – differentiate the curve with respect to x. No matter what the equation of the curve is, differentiating y (Yamato) with respect to x (Idiot Taichi in unrequited love) will only give the slope of Yamato. Like what I've done. I differentiated myself from Yamato and I became someone who just sees a glimpse of him, what people see to simplify matters- and not for who he is, the person he is. Like how his fangirls screamed when they saw him playing basketball and he did that slamdunk. And it's not as if it's bad to show support for him, but they're differentiated from him and they didn't notice he was sick, they just thought he was cool. Even the guys thought he was cool and wanted him on their team. I thought he was cool too and I didn't notice he was sick until the last minute when I saw him stumble and fall (Yamato has perfect balance). And yeah, Yamato's a cool guy, but he's not just that. He's a person too.

Sometimes you can't just pay attention to the points on the curve. Besides 'Idiot Taichi in unrequited love and Yamato', which is a constant as x and y are constants, I have to look at the area under the curve as well and integrate Yamato with respect to Idiot Taichi in unrequited love but with limits. That's- what I've been missing all along. That's why I took the coward's way out, and refused to see him properly at all.

Yeah. I've been a real idiot. I just proved to him I'm like all those other people who don't know him for who he is.

But I'm not. Not now.

And Yamato knows that now.

Because I can pick any number, any range of numbers for x in integration this time, it should be easier this way.

And better.

For both me and you, Yamato.

Because I won't leave you again.


End file.
